Camping in the back garden during the summer holidays.
Family movie night, complete with hot chocolate, popcorn and roaring fire.
The annual rounders match with that other family from church.
Were there any family traditions that you cherished when you were a child?
Or perhaps thinking of family traditions brings a tinge of sadness to your heart. Maybe your childhood wasn’t scattered with happy memories – of laughter, of church family, of your dad.
It’s a sad reality of living in this broken world. Not all of us had a happy childhood.
So what emotions do we feel when we talk about creating life-giving traditions with our own children?
Maybe it fills us with joy and excitement, or with sadness and regret.
Perhaps it gives us a headache! Too much organisation required, or craft-skills, or elaborate recipes. And well, that’s just not really our skill-set.
Well let’s stop and think for a second. Where do traditions and holiday celebrations come from?
This is what author Sally Clarkson says of their origin:
“Holidays are God’s idea. He created several for the Jews to celebrate and reinforce the memory of what he had done and to teach the children. The Jews also created other holidays to celebrate God’s work in their lives as a nation. Whatever the reason for the holiday though, they were always more that just recreational – they were first and foremost educational. In the same way that the Jews followed God’s pattern for new holidays, Christianity has developed its own holiday traditions. Holidays such as Christmas and Easter have no Biblical mandate, but they are patterned after God’s use of holidays as a way to remember and learn about God’s actions in history and in our lives.”
So traditions can be a really good thing. They are God’s idea. He uses them for the good of his people; to create a sense of collective identity, to create shared memories and to help his people to recall his work through history. Holidays in the Bible are often centred around food, music, celebration and God’s word being read – it’s a beautiful picture of what it means to be part of God’s community.
So what does this mean for us today?
It means that we’re free (but not obligated) to create life-giving traditions for our family (and church family) lives.
We’re motivated by grace
We know that as people saved by God’s grace, that we have nothing to prove to ourselves or each other. We are sinners who were morally bankrupt before God, but he has forgiven us through Jesus taking the punishment for our sin on the cross. Now for those who trust in Christ, we are forgiven. But our status is not morally neutral now – we are morally rich! Christ’s righteousness has been credited to us, so when God sees us he sees perfection, and he is pleased.
So what has this got to do with family traditions?
It means that if we want to, then we can create special traditions for our family and we are not doing it to try and win God’s approval or other peoples. We are free to enjoy food, nature, films, family sleepovers in the living room etc, unto the Lord.
One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. One who regards one day as special does so to the Lord.”
Romans 14:5-6a
So no comparison, no guilt! You need not post a photo of your tradition on social media (whether it’s brilliant or a bit cringe-worthy). And you don’t need to feel unworthy in your parenting when you see on Instagram that your sister-in-Christ makes stunning Easter bonnets, Christmas puddings and home-made blanket dens. Rejoice – God made her excellent at those things, and it’s no threat to you. You have God’s seal of approval and really, truly, that’s all that matters.
We’re not defined by our past
Like we mentioned before, not all of us had happy childhoods. But the gospel is good news for us. The gospel says that we can grieve over that – we don’t need to deny it or suppress those feelings of disappointment. But the gospel says that our past does not define us. We may feel wounded and scarred and even shameful. We may feel like we have no bank of experience to draw upon when trying to parent our children, or create a happy childhood for them, we may feel unworthy of the task of being parents. But that condemnation does not come from God.
God says that all who trust in Jesus are children in his family. And he is the best father ever. And he wants restoration for your life now. You need not be defined by your own childhood – that’s not denying that those feelings, memories and wounds are real – but you don’t need to be defined by that. You are free to create something completely different for your children to experience.
Those childhood memories that you crave for? Create them now. Camping in the garden? Family movie nights? Rounders with another family from church? They can be yours, and your spouses, and your children’s to treasure. There’s no reason why not, and there’s every reason to.
We want to create a collective identity, family memories and a culture of worshipping God
As Christian parents we long to create a strong sense of family identity. Why? Because it’s really grounding for children and provides them with security and a sense of belonging. Our children need to know which clan they belong to and what makes their family distinctive.
We think that these traditions in and of themselves are great things to do. But as Christians, we could also be creative about seeing how we can give them a gospel-flavour.
The annual camping under the stars could always feature a chat about what we’re thankful to God for from the past year.
When you reminisce about the special weekly meal, monthly walk or annual craft you could be intentional about discussing what God shows us of himself in the wonderful creation he’s made.
I could go on, but you get the idea – we can be creative about these traditions to help them be another way of celebrating our God and his good news together, as a family.
We want our boys to be able to think and say something like this in the future, “We’re the Thomsons, and we love campfires on the beach, reading books under blankets and Jesus!” We want them to experience life in a Christian family as being good, and wholesome and safe. Because as they experience that, we hope and pray that they will want to be part of God’s family – which all these good things are just a foretaste of.
So why create life-giving traditions?
Because they’re good, and fun and can be God-honouring.
Because we’re free to and don’t have to compare our efforts to anyone else.
Because we’re redeemed from the past and God can make our family lives beautiful, even if our own childhood was not that way.
Some ideas
Family traditions need not be expensive, or elaborate or take or huge amount of preparation time. Here’s some ideas:
- Create a family handshake
- Have the same meal once a week (like pancakes on a Sunday morning or Saturday Pizza night).
- Board game/ Movie Night
- Family walks
- Reading aloud your favourite childhood books to your children
- A ridiculous birthday hat (huge with candles in it). The family member must wear it for their birthday meal, even if you’re in a public place!
- Campfires, S’mores and a sing-song
- Annual sports match or water fight (mum and dad and even grandparents included!)
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