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We caught our child lying the other day.

It wasn’t an overly deceptive lie. We asked him if he’d finished his crumpet. He said “Yes.” But when we looked at the plate, the crumpet was still there!

So, after chatting it through a bit, we cracked out the age-old line, “We’re very disappointed that you lied to us.”

The camel’s back was well and truly broken with this straw. He had a major meltdown lasting a good 10 minutes, and his behaviour got progressively worse. He wasn’t responding well to correction or to his time out. As parents our patience was starting to wear thin too. Why does this have to happen so early on a Saturday morning?

We’re so thankful for God’s grace for what happened next.

Our son showed genuine repentance and we were reconciled and able to move on to a lovely day.

We accredit this in large part to a friend of ours explaining how he modelled repentance to his children. We’ve tried to replicate. Not as some magic formula to replace the Holy Spirit, but as a helpful guide of what to do when you’re in the thick of a tricky confrontation with your child.

Modelling repentance to children

Before we were parents we used to work for the christian charity UCCF: The Christian Unions.  While we were on staff we had a brilliant supervisor who was also a dad to three young children. He was in the trenches of sleep-deprivation, discipline issues and trying to balance ministry and family life in this very overwhelming season.

He would often tell us little anecdotes about what his children had got up to, including the more tedious (for him, we’re sure!) parts about their bad behaviour and subsequent discipline. It was so very helpful for us. And we didn’t even know it at the time.

So what did he do?

In large part, his discipline was similar to anyone else’s. He’d give warnings about the consequences of disobedience, “If you don’t do X then you’ll have to have a time out.” Then he’d follow through.

But what he did next was brilliant.

He would lead his children to Jesus.

He’d have a discussion with his children about their behaviour. Identifying what the problem was. Then he would hold them and pray with them.

He spoke to us about how frustrating it could be to repeat the practice again and again – warning, consequence, prayer, repeat. But he would still keep doing it. And then we started to hear encouraging stories about how his eldest (then 4 years old) would start to say encouraging things about Jesus. He made his first profession of faith while sat on the toilet while his dad was in the shower! Precious moments, in real life situations.

Sorry, Thank You, Please

So since then, we’ve tried to replicate this modelling repentance to our children. Both taking our children to Jesus in prayer when they sin, and apologising to our children and praying for our own forgiveness when we sin against them. Now to be totally honest, it’s only started to feel worthwhile within the last year or so – Cathy first apologised to our eldest and modelled repentance when he was only a few weeks old. She raised her voice at him out of frustration because he wouldn’t stop crying. The mum-guilt was awful! But the repentance helped, even though the baby had no idea what was going on. But now that he’s 4, it feels much more worthwhile!

So, practically speaking what does a modelling repentance conversation go like?

Quite often we use a simple prayer which can be used to lead someone to Christ for the first time, or for the thousandth time: “Sorry, thank you, please.”

The interaction might go like this:

Parent:”It wasn’t right that you lied. It also wasn’t right that I raised my voice at you – that isn’t the right way to deal with frustration. I think we should pray to Jesus about it, don’t you?”

Holding child in arms, pray,

“Dear Lord Jesus, we’re sorry for the times when we sin, when we hurt you and other people. Thank you for dying on the cross to forgive our sin. Thank you that you love to forgive us. Please help us change by your Holy Spirit. Amen”

Simple enough for a child to understand, profound enough to preach the gospel to their hearts and ours.

After the lying incident

Our son was wracked with guilt because of his lying (and getting caught!). He then chose to respond with anger, aggression and further disobedience. But once the dust had settled, and we went to speak to him after his time out, an amazing and visible change happened.

The anger turned to tears, the shouting turned to quiet listening to the prayer, the lashing out turned to a tight bear hug and he was genuinely ready to say sorry to us.

The amazing thing about discipline done this way, is how children long to be reconciled to their parents. After the confrontation they long to be held, to be played with, to be spoken kindly too. They know they acted wrongly, they’ve turned from their sin, repented and sought reconciliation.

Aren’t you the same as an adult? After a confrontation with your spouse, aren’t the hugs after a heartfelt apology the tightest?

What a wonderful thing to experience. What a wonderful thing to model to our children. What a joy it is to live in the freedom of the gospel which recognises sin as sin, has a way to deal with it, and can move on to a guilt-free, loving relationship thereafter.

On this – another Christian parent that we know once told us that her parents modelled grace to her by never mentioning a sin that had been repented of again. Once an apology was said, that was it over and done with. She experienced that as a child, and it’s left a long-lasting impression on her of God’s grace towards her as an adult. She now does the same with her daughter.

We won’t do it perfectly

None of us will discipline perfectly all the time. We don’t always interpret the situation correctly, we don’t always keep our cool, we don’t always remember the gospel in the thick of it.

But that’s completely the point!

The gospel says we all need a saviour, and that Jesus willingly and lovingly offers himself to be it. In this life, it’s never too late to model repentance. It’s never too late to seek reconciliation. Even if our children are grown-ups now. There’s still time.

 ^“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John:8-9

^“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16 

So what about you?

We’d love to hear about how you model repentance in your home. How do you resolve conflict and move towards Christ as a family? If you grew up in a Christian home, how did growing up in an atmosphere of repentance and love impact you?

Please leave a comment below – we love gleaning wisdom from other parents!

And if you found this post encouraging please consider sharing it on social media.

“I was awake for 4 hours last night with my child – I can barely string a sentence together, never mind formulate a prayer.”

“I yelled at them again – I just feel too guilty to pray.”

“I’ve been asking God to change my child’s behaviour in that area for so long, I no longer feel it’s worthwhile to pray.”

“Pray? When do you expect me to do that? I haven’t even got time to brush my teeth!”

Praying for our children can sometimes feel far from easy. The obstacles to prayer seem to just keep building up. Whether it’s busyness, guilt, tiredness, disappointment, or even something else, it’s often easy to feel that prayer is off the cards for us as parents.

But all of these things tell us that we’re forgetting something crucial about prayer. All of these feelings show us that we’re forgetting that:

Prayer isn’t a job to do.

Getting the hearing from God in prayer isn’t a right we earn through our good works.

Prayer isn’t a performance that must be eloquent and articulate.

Prayer doesn’t need to be something that we only do in a set aside time of quiet, with a lit candle on our knees in the quiet of a special place.

Fundamentally, we’re forgetting this:

God is our Father.

He’s our Dad. He loves us. He wants to hear from us. Like any good parent, he doesn’t expect a polished statement when we come to him – incoherent mutterings will do – he just wants to hear from us. Jesus makes our prayers acceptable.

God is our Father.

He’s our Dad. He loves us. He doesn’t want us to make ourselves good enough to come before him – somehow showing we’re worthy enough to gain a hearing (as if we could!). Jesus gives us all the goodness we need.

God is our Father.

He’s our Dad. He loves us. And as such, he knows what’s right for us. So even though we may have prayed about this thing a hundred times before, he wants to hear from us again, because he knows the perfect timing to answer our prayers. Jesus is in the business of bringing glory to our Dad – it might be through answering our prayer this time, or it might be through the patience and compassion he’s developing in us by making us wait.

God is our Father.

He’s our Dad. He loves us. Though he loves it when we set aside time devoted to him, he also loves it when we remember him in the middle of our frantic lives and chat to him as we go. Jesus has torn down the barrier to our Dad so that we can approach his throne with confidence, whether we’re in a quiet place, a playgroup, on the toilet or cooking dinner.

When we remember who we’re praying to – our Father who loves us – then prayer is easy. It’s a delight. Because we know we can come to him wherever we are, whatever is going on. We can come to him, knowing that he’s for us, that his goal is our good, which is for his glory.

This post was inspired by the first chapter of Tim Chester’s book, “You can pray“, which Scott is reading at the moment. If you want to think more about prayer, we can recommend it so far!*

The gospel is simple enough for a child to understand and yet profound enough that you could spend a lifetime mining it’s depths and barely scratch the surface.

This statement is something which, when believed, opens up a world of exciting avenues to explore – avenues of wonder and joy and faith and life-transforming truth.

When we believe the gospel is filled with glorious riches then we’ll want to do all we can to gain those riches. We’ll want to sell all we have for the pearl of great price.

Gospel-centred parenting is all about bringing the gospel to the centre of parenting (kind of comes with the name, right?). That means we want to dig deep into how the gospel can shape our hearts as parents, as well as the way that we parent.

In light of this, we have a request.

We’d love to hear from you about your pain points.

What are the issues you face in parenting?

What are the things that bring you fear, anxiety and worry?

What are the areas of parenting that you wish you could think through more deeply, or consider how the gospel should shape it?

What are the parenting philosophies that you’ve been reading about that you want to think through from a gospel perspective?

What are the parenting books you’re considering reading that you’d love to read a review of?

We’d love your input on what content we should put on the blog, and so we’d love you to get in touch.

Get in touch in whatever way works for you. Comment in the gospel-centred parenting Facebook group (sign up here if you’re not yet a member).

Drop us an email on scott@gospelcentredparenting.com.

Tweet us, send us a DM, comment on this post, message us on Facebook, use the contact form on our website… whatever works best for you.

But please do get in touch – we’d love to hear from you so we can better serve you.

We live in exciting days. Today we are more connected with the rest of the world than we have ever been in history. With affordable air travel, globalisation and crucially, the internet, the world is a smaller and more accessible place.

Not only can we easily go to far-flung parts of our planet, but the world is also on our doorstep. Chances are that in your city many different nationalities are represented, and chances are, these international people can speak or are learning to speak your native language.

The opportunities are unprecedented. The harvest is plentiful.

So, how do we give our children a heart for the people around them?

We think that starts by giving them a love and appreciation for different cultures. It’s incredibly enriching to enjoy the music, food and if possible, the company of people from other nationalities.

Enjoy the culture

If you have people from another country in your church why don’t you invite them round to your home? You could encourage your children to help you make a traditional meal (we’re British, so fish and chips, a Sunday roast, or a breakfast fry-up would be appropriate). You could put on some famous music from your country (perhaps the Beatles for us), and during your time together teach your guests and your children a bit about your culture – the customs, a bit of history, your quirks. For example, as Brits, we like to discuss the weather a lot, we don’t like to express too much emotion (known as having a “stiff-upper lip”) and we like to have a cup of tea after we eat our meal. You could go as far as you like with it, perhaps teaching your children and guests about a significant person in your country’s history who has made a difference for Jesus. Perhaps John Wycliffe, who translated the Bible into the English language, would be a good option for us.

And here comes the really fun bit… why don’t you then invite yourselves around to their house to learn about their culture? Or if they don’t have the space/ resources. You could offer to buy the ingredients, use your own kitchen and get a cookery lesson from your international friends!

The beauty of giving your children a heart for the nations it that it’s actually really fun for all involved and it’s relatively easy to do.

Read all about it

Reading is a wonderful tool for transporting your children (and yourselves!) across the world. Novels, biographies and non-fiction books can give us an understanding and appreciation for places that we’ve never been to before (and may never ever get a chance to explore). One of the excellent benefits of reading to children is that it helps them to develop empathy for the character in the story. Therefore, reading books about people in different cultures and with vastly different lives from ourselves can be extremely challenging and enlightening for our children.

We recently had this book recommended to us Give Your Child the World: Raising Globally Minded Kids One Book at a Time* (only 99p on kindle at the time of writing!). It’s essentially a reading list which takes you to all the continents of the world. It’s got a description of each title, a recommended age (from 4-12 years) and it even tells you if there is religious content that you may want to discuss with your children.

What a brilliant way to introduce your children to a myriad of different cultures, experiences and people groups from the comfort of your own sofa!

Biographies can also be helpful, we recently wrote a blog post on this topic. We are finding that our son is fascinated to learn about Bible smuggling into other countries (Brother Andrew), about a famous athlete becoming a missionary (Eric Liddell), and about men who were willing to live and die in the jungle for people to learn about Jesus (Jim Elliot and friends).

If you like reading all about different cultures, then you would enjoy our blog post series “Global Insights” written by Christian parents who live all over the world. 

Raise awareness of the needs

A challenging part of being a parent, is figuring out how to expose our children to the harsh realities of the world, while still inspiring hope in their little souls.

Being part of a local church should help with this, as you pray for missionaries that you partner with, as videos are shown of church plants, the persecuted church and humanitarian crises and as you fund-raise for global causes. All these can facilitate fruitful conversations with our children, and action too as we pray and give.

When our eldest turned three, we decided to start sponsoring a little three year old boy through Compassion. We wrote a blog post all about how we planned to use this both to bless him and his family, but also to teach our son about poverty and the need for education. Our son frequently talks about his African penpal, and is always asking if we can go on an air plane to visit him. Perhaps we will someday! That would be amazing.

Language Learning and travel

We recently decided to start learning Spanish as a family (none of us had any previous knowledge of the language!) But it’s one of the easiest languages to learn, it’s widely spoken (in Mainland Spain and Latin America) and Spain is a cheap holiday destination from the UK. We do feel a bit crazy at times, why didn’t we choose French – the language that both parents have a GCSE in?! But then we remind ourselves that it’s just a bit of fun, we’re in it for the long-haul and the benefits will be worth it.

Learning a language can be very inexpensive. We grown-ups are learning through free Apps on our phones: “Duolingo” and “Memrise”. We’ve had to invest a bit more in the boys – we’ve bought some books and paid for some “Lingotots” lessons, but you can get lots of free resources too, through the library, youtube and by watching Dora the Explorer on TV. Here’s a link to a podcast which is really helpful on the topic of teaching your children a foreign language (even if you are just learning yourself!)

Learning a language is fun, but we’re also motivated by a desire to help our boys have a love for other nationalities. When this post is published we’ll actually be on holiday in Spain. We won’t be having an high-brow conversations in our new language, but we’re taking some baby steps to get the boys communicating with the locals – probably just saying greetings and basic words to the hotel staff. But still, we’re excited to see what fruit comes in the future from these little cross-cultural interactions.

We hope that you’ve found this post inspiring and helpful. We’re so thankful that our God is a cross-cultural, missional God who loves the nations. Here’s a few verses to remind us of his intentions for the world:

700 years before Christ, God promised a Saviour of Israel and the world:

Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” Matt 28:19

And this is the day that all history is headed for:

^“After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!” Rev 7:9-10

We’d love to hear how you help your children to have a heart for the nations. Please leave any of your tips and wisdom in the comments box below, or if you found this post helpful we’d love it if you would share it on social media.

Muchas Gracias!

We’ve just got back from a holiday at Center Parcs. If you’re not from Europe then think of a child’s perfect holiday, and you’re pretty much there. Lodges nestled in the forest, the only modes of transport are foot or bicycle, there’s an enormous “subtropical paradise” swimming park and adventure playgroups galore. It’s a holiday completely filled with things that children love to do.

We went with another family – our friends and their four children. So obviously our boys were absolutely in their element the whole week. Swimming, playing, sleepovers with friends and lots of junk food – there’s no wonder that our four year old asked if he could live there forever. It sounds idyllic. And it kind of was. Apart from the incident…

It happened in a split second. As these things often do.

Our two families were exiting the lodge, but when there’s ten people to leave, it always means that some people are left lingering at the front door for some time. A gaggle of us were just outside the front door. I turned to look back into the house to see if the others were ready to join us when our four year old suddenly shouts, “Mummy! He nearly got ran over!” I looked up to see our almost-two-year-old on the road, about one metre from the bonnet of a white van. Very uncharacteristically (he’s quite shy and clingy) he ran as fast as he could to a big, red, shiny telephone box across the road to look at it – and right into the line of “traffic” (one of the few vehicles on site to help with services). Heart thumping I immediately ran over and scooped him into my arms, strapped him straight into his pram, and immediately burst into floods of tears.

In the privacy of our bedroom I took stock. Nothing had happened. He was perfectly safe. But it was far too close for comfort.

It was a freak incident really. It is unlike our son to ever be more than a metre from clinging onto the legs of one of us. And on a holiday park which prides itself on having no cars – what are the chances of a maintenance vehicle having to stop suddenly when our tiny infant ran across the road?

But it showed me how easily accidents can happen.

It’s scary how easily accidents can happen.

And replaying the incident and the possible outcomes kept me from sleeping that night.

So what does the gospel have to do with this?

Well I guess we’re getting into tricky territory here with God’s sovereignty and human suffering, but here’s two truths we should take away from the incident.

God looks after our children even when we cannot

It’s impossible for us as parents to watch over our children at all times. Even if we are very diligent and only have young children it’s still not possible to protect them from all harm. As children get older it’s even more difficult to guarantee their safety, as they become more independent and take more calculated risks. So what do we do with this unavoidable fact? Wrap them up in cotton wool? Despair and worry?

As Christians we don’t have to do that.

We personally know the creator and sustainer of the universe. He is absolutely in control of every detail of our lives and in control of every atom in the universe. And he’s for us! The awesome creator harnesses his mighty power on our behalf.

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

Even when the worst case scenario happens, we have the hope of eternal life

But we know that because of the brokenness of this world, death does come to each of us. The Israelites who originally sang the song of ascents did truly experience God’s protection of them, and yet one day they died. The same will happen for each of us and for our children too (unless Jesus comes back first). So God’s protection in incidents like the one above is because of his grace, but in the end that will not prevent the inevitable.

But despite the impending death to come, we have a sure and certain hope of eternal life. Even when we die, and even when our children die we have hope beyond the grave!

“So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power;  it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body[…]

 I declare to you, brothers and sisters, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.  Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed—  in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.  For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. ⁵⁴ When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

The last few hours were all building up to this point. Full of excitement and anticipation, our three year old had helped me tidy the house, cook a meal and we set up the train set ready for some serious playing.

It’s a Wednesday night and it’s “life group” night. The night when a group of children and adults from church come round for food, play time and eventually (when the kiddos are in bed) a Bible study.

It’s our son’s favourite night of the week, and he’s beside himself with excitement for the other children to arrive.

But of course, the inevitable happens…

In a flurry of hyperactivity and enthusiasm… An incident will occur… usually after our guests have been here for approximately 5 minutes.

The incidents vary, but they will usually involve our three year old upsetting another child (often, although not always, unintentionally so)…trapped fingers, a grazed arm, a banged head, an unwanted cuddle, and tears and apologies will flow!

It’s pretty stressful and annoying and frustrating. “Why can’t he just contain his enthusiasm, and be a bit gentler?” I think to myself. “I can’t chat intentionally to people when I’m dealing with this.”

Usually, thank heavens, after the initial incident, there are no other incidents. And the children play nicely, food is enjoyed and everyone enjoys themselves. But still, sometimes it’s enough to make a parent despair!

So what is successful parenting? I think, until recently I thought that successful parenting was minimising and ultimately eliminating scenarios like this. In short, I wanted behavioural and moral perfection from our children. In part to give me an easy life, in part because it would be better for them, and in (large) part because I felt like their behaviour was a reflection on me and my parenting.

Recently I read something which changed my thinking on this.

I read this prayer in one of my bible devotionals,

“I pray I will always keep in mind that my success is not attached to children’s actions but how I respond to them and love them.”

What a revelation!

I find this a really liberating thought, and a really biblical view of discipline. So let’s unpack it.

Children are responsible for their own actions

Children are human beings, they are moral creatures, they have free-will. This means that even though they are children, they still are responsible (and need to learn to take responsibility) for their actions. At the end of the day, if a child makes a bad/foolish/selfish choice that was their choice to make.

I am responsible for how I respond to my children

As Christian parents, we shouldn’t be surprised when are children sin, or make foolish decisions. By nature children are immature and they need to be nurtured in the gospel. The role of the Christian parent isn’t to personalise when are children make bad choices, and feel like it’s a damning indication of how we’re doing as parents. Rather, in that moment we have a gospel opportunity.

We are not responsible for our child’s actions, but we are responsible for how we respond to them. How do we respond? Anger? Frustration? Harsh discipline? By just ignoring the situation? I’ve been guilty of all of these in the past. I think I’ve responded like that because I’ve felt like my children have let me down, and it reflects badly on me.

But when success is measured by responding to our children with grace in these situations then we have an opportunity to model and explain the gospel to our children. The moment of discipline isn’t actually about us! It’s not about making us look good, or getting the right behavioural outcome. It’s about connecting with our children, understanding their world, correcting their misdemeanours and showing them their need of a saviour.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s easier said than done. It requires dying to our own desires and putting our children first. But responding to a situation well is our privilege and responsibility as parents.

My success is not attached to my children’s actions

Once we separate what our children are responsible for, and what we’re responsible for, it makes discipline and “success” in parenting much easier.

Think about God the Father. He’s the perfect parent, he’s never done anything wrong. Yet he has wayward children! We don’t think that the bad/foolish/selfish choices of human beings is because of His shortcomings. We think it’s because human beings have free will and moral choices to make. Human beings are responsible for their actions. In short, God the Father isn’t responsible for us sinning.

Yet, God responds to us perfectly. He responds to us in love even while we’re making a mess of situations. He connects with his children, he understands our world, he corrects our sin and foolishness and shows us our need of a saviour. And he does it repeatedly. Every time we read his word, every time we meet with his people, every time his Spirit ministers to us and points us to the gospel.

He doesn’t deal with us once and expect us to be perfect from then on in – getting frustrated when we inevitably stumble. No – he’s committed to overseeing the maturation of his children, and he’s in it for the long-haul.

So there we have it – “success” in parenting.

What is it? Being like God to our children. Not being responsible for our children’s actions, but responding with grace when the inevitable happens.

Father, please help us to be like you to our children. Please help us to separate our responsibility and our children’s responsibility in terms of their behaviour. Help us not to feel responsible for our children’s actions, but to respond with grace, correction and gospel comfort when they do make mistakes. Give us wisdom, stamina and a deep-love for our children, that means we discipline well, even when it inconveniences us. Amen. 

Camping in the back garden during the summer holidays.

Family movie night, complete with hot chocolate, popcorn and roaring fire.

The annual rounders match with that other family from church.

Were there any family traditions that you cherished when you were a child?

Or perhaps thinking of family traditions brings a tinge of sadness to your heart. Maybe your childhood wasn’t scattered with happy memories – of laughter, of church family, of your dad.

It’s a sad reality of living in this broken world. Not all of us had a happy childhood.

So what emotions do we feel when we talk about creating life-giving traditions with our own children?

Maybe it fills us with joy and excitement, or with sadness and regret.

Perhaps it gives us a headache! Too much organisation required, or craft-skills, or elaborate recipes. And well, that’s just not really our skill-set.

Well let’s stop and think for a second. Where do traditions and holiday celebrations come from?

This is what author Sally Clarkson says of their origin:

“Holidays are God’s idea. He created several for the Jews to celebrate and reinforce the memory of what he had done and to teach the children. The Jews also created other holidays to celebrate God’s work in their lives as a nation. Whatever the reason for the holiday though, they were always more that just recreational – they were first and foremost educational. In the same way that the Jews followed God’s pattern for new holidays, Christianity has developed its own holiday traditions. Holidays such as Christmas and Easter have no Biblical mandate, but they are patterned after God’s use of holidays as a way to remember and learn about God’s actions in history and in our lives.”

So traditions can be a really good thing. They are God’s idea. He uses them for the good of his people; to create a sense of collective identity, to create shared memories and to help his people to recall his work through history. Holidays in the Bible are often centred around food, music, celebration and God’s word being read – it’s a beautiful picture of what it means to be part of God’s community.

So what does this mean for us today?

It means that we’re free (but not obligated) to create life-giving traditions for our family (and church family) lives.

We’re motivated by grace

We know that as people saved by God’s grace, that we have nothing to prove to ourselves or each other. We are sinners who were morally bankrupt before God, but he has forgiven us through Jesus taking the punishment for our sin on the cross. Now for those who trust in Christ, we are forgiven. But our status is not morally neutral now – we are morally rich! Christ’s righteousness has been credited to us, so when God sees us he sees perfection, and he is pleased.

So what has this got to do with family traditions?

It means that if we want to, then we can create special traditions for our family and we are not doing it to try and win God’s approval or other peoples. We are free to enjoy food, nature, films, family sleepovers in the living room etc, unto the Lord.

One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. One who regards one day as special does so to the Lord.”

Romans 14:5-6a

So no comparison, no guilt! You need not post a photo of your tradition on social media (whether it’s brilliant or a bit cringe-worthy). And you don’t need to feel unworthy in your parenting when you see on Instagram that your sister-in-Christ makes stunning Easter bonnets, Christmas puddings and home-made blanket dens. Rejoice – God made her excellent at those things, and it’s no threat to you. You have God’s seal of approval and really, truly, that’s all that matters.

We’re not defined by our past

Like we mentioned before, not all of us had happy childhoods. But the gospel is good news for us. The gospel says that we can grieve over that – we don’t need to deny it or suppress those feelings of disappointment. But the gospel says that our past does not define us. We may feel wounded and scarred and even shameful. We may feel like we have no bank of experience to draw upon when trying to parent our children, or create a happy childhood for them, we may feel unworthy of the task of being parents. But that condemnation does not come from God.

God says that all who trust in Jesus are children in his family. And he is the best father ever. And he wants restoration for your life now. You need not be defined by your own childhood – that’s not denying that those feelings, memories and wounds are real – but you don’t need to be defined by that. You are free to create something completely different for your children to experience.

Those childhood memories that you crave for? Create them now. Camping in the garden? Family movie nights? Rounders with another family from church? They can be yours, and your spouses, and your children’s to treasure. There’s no reason why not, and there’s every reason to.

We want to create a collective identity, family memories and a culture of worshipping God

As Christian parents we long to create a strong sense of family identity. Why? Because it’s really grounding for children and provides them with security and a sense of belonging. Our children need to know which clan they belong to and what makes their family distinctive.

We think that these traditions in and of themselves are great things to do. But as Christians, we could also be creative about seeing how we can give them a gospel-flavour.

The annual camping under the stars could always feature a chat about what we’re thankful to God for from the past year.

When you reminisce about the special weekly meal, monthly walk or annual craft you could be intentional about discussing what God shows us of himself in the wonderful creation he’s made.

I could go on, but you get the idea – we can be creative about these traditions to help them be another way of celebrating our God and his good news together, as a family.

We want our boys to be able to think and say something like this in the future, “We’re the Thomsons, and we love campfires on the beach, reading books under blankets and Jesus!” We want them to experience life in a Christian family as being good, and wholesome and safe. Because as they experience that, we hope and pray that they will want to be part of God’s family – which all these good things are just a foretaste of.

So why create life-giving traditions?

Because they’re good, and fun and can be God-honouring.

Because we’re free to and don’t have to compare our efforts to anyone else.

Because we’re redeemed from the past and God can make our family lives beautiful, even if our own childhood was not that way.

Some ideas

Family traditions need not be expensive, or elaborate or take or huge amount of preparation time. Here’s some ideas:

• Create a family handshake
• Have the same meal once a week (like pancakes on a Sunday morning or Saturday Pizza night).
• Board game/ Movie Night
• Family walks
• Reading aloud your favourite childhood books to your children
• A ridiculous birthday hat (huge with candles in it). The family member must wear it for their birthday meal, even if you’re in a public place!
• Campfires, S’mores and a sing-song
• Annual sports match or water fight (mum and dad and even grandparents included!)

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Dear Bible,

You and I haven’t been hanging out as much recently.

I see you there in the corner, but too often I seem to leave you there, like a neglected house plant or a job that I need to get round to.

It’s not that I don’t like you. Quite the opposite. I could wax lyrical about how great you are. I talk about you to friends, I talk about you at church, I even write about you on my blog. I know you’re great… but too often I talk about you more than I actually read you. Too often you seem to be left in the corner.

Here’s the thing: I know that by reading you I will hear the voice of the living God… but sometimes your voice seems so small compared to the clamour of Buzzfeed.

I understand that what you speak will refresh my soul… but Pinterest escapism is easier.

I get that you’re alive and active… but Instagram waves wildly for my attention.

You’re the source of all wisdom and knowledge… but what will I discover if I just refresh my Facebook newsfeed?

You’ll tell me God’s perspective on life, the universe and everything… but I don’t want to miss out on the latest views on Twitter.

I know that life existed before smart phones and social media, but I just can’t remember what it was like! What did I do in those moments where I feel awkward in a social setting; where I have a few minutes to spare while waiting for a train; when I got frustrated, upset or angry? Did I pray or read you? Did I talk to other people? Did I spend time thoughtfully processing? I can’t recollect it.

Bible, I have a confession to make. It’s the children’s fault! Really it is. It’s because of them that I can’t get consistent sleep, consistent waking up times, consistent quiet times. It’s because of them that when I get five minutes alone I just need to scroll. They drive me to social media for a moment of adult connection.

Dear Bible, I can think of so many reasons why we don’t spend much time together anymore, and I’m not sure if we can go back to how it used to be. How can I possibly wean myself off this addiction? How can I possibly find you attractive again when you have to compete to the sparkly entertainment of my phone? Is there any hope?

To read you sounds like so much work, but I know that’s  illogical. Because life without you and the wonderful God you point me to is far too much work – life is meaningless without the good news that you tell me. It just doesn’t make sense.

So here’s why I’m writing. Can you teach me how to spend time with you again? Can the Spirit of the one you point me to help me please? Because I surely need it.

Yours sincerely,

A struggling parent.

Dear beloved parent, 

Come and read me. In my pages are all the connection, refreshing and satisfaction that you need. Quiet yourself for a moment with me, and see how I will deliver more than your bright-displayed, vibrating, pinging, notification giving smart phone. You don’t need distraction. You need me. 

Put down your phone. On silent. In another room. And shut the door. 

And when you read me, you’ll hear the gentle whisper of the living God. 

And next time, it will be a bit easier. 

And the time after that, a bit easier still.

Until reading me becomes a delight to you once again. 

It will be a habit of grace, and it will deeply nourish your soul.

Don’t give up on me. I haven’t given up on you.

I’m committed to changing you, restoring you and comforting you. I’m the living word of the one who died for you. He’s committed to seeing you transformed. Give me a go.

And if you stumble, then don’t run away from me, or despair. I’ll be here waiting for you to pick me up again. And again. And again. (And I promise, I’ll help take away that sense of shame you might be tempted to feel, not add to it!).

Just give me the chance, and I promise you won’t regret it. 

With deep affection,

Your Bible