Do you like what you see in the mirror?

Scott and Cathy self-image 0 Comment
Do you like what you see in the mirror?

Are you familiar of the Greek myth of Narcissus? He was the handsome son of the River God Cephisus. One day Narcissus was walking by a river and decided to get himself a drink. As he looked at his reflection in the water, he was amazed and captivated by his own beauty. Devastated that he would never be able to have the object of his desire (himself), he despairs and pines away at the riverside. Eventually his self-absorption kills him as he dies of thirst and starvation.

It’s a cheery tale!

The meaning is clear, self-love and self-absorption can lead to our own downfall. We’re not designed to be vain and inward-looking.

As Christians we know that “the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7). Because we know that God values character more how we physically look, we often tend to our hearts more than to our physical appearance. (Now obviously there’s a vast spectrum depending on church culture, personal upbringing, which country we were born into, our gender etc but…) Generally speaking, as Christians, we know that just as we aren’t to judge others by how they look, and we know that we shouldn’t judge ourselves according to physical appearances either.

But that’s much easier said than done!

Because of the fall, we don’t relate to God, to other people or to ourselves as we were designed to.

For many of us, that results in us taking pride in or despairing in the way that we look, or perhaps we just avoid looking in the mirror altogether.

We have a broken relationship with ourselves, and we struggle not to find our worth in how we outwardly appear.

But not so with babies!

We have three children, and all of them LOVED looking at their reflection as a baby.

Our third child, our only girl, is 9 months old at the moment. Every time she catches a glance at herself in the mirror she absolutely beams. I’ll never forget the first time she ever saw herself in the mirror – her whole face lit up!

Joy. Unbridled joy.

It made me so happy to see.

But then I felt sad too.

Because I contemplated all the times that she might look in the mirror in the future and think that her appearance is too this, or not enough of that. That one day she might compare her beautiful face, designed by God, crafted by him for his glory, to heavily made-up, filtered and edited images of what she thinks she ought to look like, and despair. Like Narcissus, her despair will also come from desiring something that she can’t have. But the difference is, what she will desire is unattainable because it is simply a deception. An illusion. A lie that her value is summed up by the size of her eyes, fullness of her lips and clearness of her complexion.

And even if it’s not an image on Instagram, it may just be the girl next door, who’s taller, slimmer or has “better” eyebrows. Comparison is everywhere. Because people are everywhere.

So, what’s the solution?

Well the gospel is good news for our little girl (and for all of us actually!), because the gospel says, 1) that we were created wonderfully by a God who loves us 2) God still loves and values us despite our sin, comparison, pride and self-absorption 3) God the Son took on a physical body and was marred for our beautification and 4) One day we will live in a world where we won’t ever struggle with body-image issues again. So let’s walk through that.

1. We were created wonderfully by a God who loves us

 Psalm 139 makes it abundantly clear that God crafted each one of us in the womb with care and love.

“For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place.”

How life-affirming is this? If you ever struggle with feeling like you aren’t valuable, it’s time to read these verses again. You are deeply valuable to God, your life was ordained by God, you are precious to him and he carefully created every single bit of you in your mother’s womb. And the same is true of your children. Sometimes we find it easier to believe for our children. Because if your biological children were conceived, moved about and grew inside your womb it’s hard to deny the wonder of that whole experience.

But this is true of all humanity. It’s just as true if you were adopted. It’s just as true if your children are fostered or adopted. This passage is for everyone. Every single one of us are of supreme value to God. We are his precious children, and he is our creator-father. He created us all fearfully and wonderfully.

So, for our little girl – she is extremely special, wonderful and beautiful, because she was created by a God who loves her.

2. God still loves and values us despite our sin, comparison, pride and self-absorption

Why is the story of Narcissus so powerful? Perhaps because it seems so obvious (don’t die pining after something you can’t have! Don’t be so vain and self-absorbed!). Or perhaps because it’s a shocking warning to not be exactly the way we are by nature. We know our love of self is bad, but we’re just hard-wired that way. Think about it, comparison that leads to discontentment (inferiority) or pride (superiority) is simply a problem because we are obsessed with ourselves – and obsessed with how we appear. So sometimes we go the other way, we don’t think, take care of, or even really look at ourselves. But both extremes just indicate that we struggle to relate to ourselves (and like who God made us) correctly. All of these issues are because of the fall.

But amazingly God is sympathetic towards us in our mixed-up attitudes towards ourselves, and he decided to do something about it.

So, for our little girl – even though she will struggle with sin, comparison, pride and self-absorption (because it’s the condition of humanity) God loves her despite that and in the midst of that, and he’s done something so that won’t always have to be her experience.

3. God the Son took on a physical body and was marred for our beautification

Now this is the truly brilliant bit! God – the eternal, transcendent, most beautiful being in existence took pity on us and he became flesh to put all the ugliness of sin and self-absorption  to death. Jesus the Son of God, took on a human body and experience.

It says in Isaiah 5:3 that, “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him”, which means that Jesus was plain looking. Not especially handsome or notable.

He took on flesh, and even in the body that he took, he took a humble appearance.

It would have been amazing enough if God had become flesh in the most handsome body of all time, it’s even more remarkable that he took on a humble appearance, but there’s more… he didn’t just do that – Jesus’ physical appearance will be permanently marred into eternity future for our beautification.

Why?

Because Jesus was crucified for all our sin and self-absorption.

He was whipped mercilessly, pierced through the head with a crown of thorns, nailed to a cross through his wrists and ankles and once he had suffocated to death, he had a spear thrust into his side.

He did that to end ugly self-absorption, insecurity, comparison and obsession with ourselves, our appearance and how we appear to others – because he knows that it makes us miserable.

We weren’t designed to live that way. And Jesus decided to put an end to it all at the cross.

After the resurrection, Jesus’ disciples recognised him by the scars on his wrists and stomach. That means that our God will forever be in the form of a human being, but not just that, a marred human being.

So, for our little girl. Jesus can make her beautiful because he endured the cross to rid her of her ugly sin, so that she can be free from comparison, self-absorption and pride.  One day she’ll experience that completely, but she can experience that increasingly in this life too.  

4. One day we will live in a world where we won’t ever struggle with body-image issues again.

Why did Jesus endure so much at the cross? Was it just for our forgiveness in this life? No! It was also to secure our eternal life. If we trust in Jesus, we can enjoy eternal life in perfect relation to God, to others and to ourselves(!) too. Not only that, but we’ll in fact get incredible new creation, immortal bodies. What an amazing hope the gospel gives us to our body insecurities!

So, for our little girl, there will be a day when our baby girl, will not be a baby anymore. But she will still be able to look at herself in the mirror and smile with joy. She won’t dislike how she looks, she won’t compare herself to others, she won’t take sinful pride in her appearance, the thought will not enter her head, “if only”. She’ll delight in who God created her to be – she’ll praise him that he is a majestic, kind, wonderful creator and her heart will be full of adoration to the one who took on flesh and had his flesh marred for her eternal, indelible beautification. No more will she feel insecure. She will be freed up to love God, to love others and to love herself – all in the way that God intended.

If you were encouraged by this post, then you may enjoy this one which is about the gospel and post-partum bodies.

Or you may be encouraged to purchase this cute “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” baby grow for a special baby you know:

Wonder Woman Must Die (Review: Ordinary Mum, Extraordinary Mission)

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Wonder Woman Must Die (Review: Ordinary Mum, Extraordinary Mission)


Before our eldest was born, I read a few books to prepare me for the changes ahead. Nothing prepared me as well as “Ordinary Mum, Extraordinary Mission*” by Anna France Williams and Joy French. I wrote some reflections on the book at the time – 2 months before our baby was actually born. Now that he’s 5 years old, I can testify that the wisdom of this book has been extremely helpful and has massively shaped my philosophy and approach to being a mum. It’s a must-read for anyone who wants to make the most of their mummy-years for God’s glory. 

See my original reflections below.

I’ve been reading a book recently called “Ordinary Mum, Extraordinary Mission*“. It sounds a bit cheesy, but I’ve found it really helpful for preparing me for the changes ahead.

I’m very excited about us having our first baby. As my tummy gets bigger and the baby gets squirmier, it all begins to feel very imminent! There are so many things to be excited about.  It’s so brilliant that Scott and I are going to get the privilege of bringing this little one up – I can’t wait to get to know him/her. What will they look like? What will their likes/ dislikes/ opinions/ interests/ skills be? In what ways will they be like me? How will they be like Scott? There is so much potential and life in this little wriggly one. I’m so excited about all the special times ahead, the baby’s first smile, peek-a-boo, the belly laughs, sticky fingers, their first prayer and all their questions about “why?”

I’ve also had some time to think about what life will look like for me as a mother. While I’ve felt for some time that I wanted to be a full-time mum, I’ve always felt committed to the idea that I won’t really be “staying at home”. I have wanted to be out and about, getting to know other mum’s in the community, blessing the neighbours around us, spending time with Scott’s family, investing in relationships at church, doing some theological study, reading the bible with students, and of course sharing the gospel with people I meet along the way. In my mind’s eye, the house will be tidy-ish, meals would be prepared for Scott and others coming home, and the baby will be cooing happily for all to dote on.

Now all these things are good things to aspire to. I do want to make the most of the amazing opportunities that having a cute baby gives you. However, reading this book has helped me to see what a self-centred and self-reliant vision I’ve had of parenting.

In some ways, I’m afraid of losing my identity as a UCCF staff worker. It can be easy to find your identity in your work – and for me, the thought of not being in paid employment and of not doing “Christian Ministry” is a bit scary. The thought of the “glamour” of staff work coming to an end has resulted in me subconsciously trying to build a new identity on the basis of successful motherhood.

This is what Anna-France Williams says, “When I began writing this book, my idea of what a missional mum looked like was Wonder Woman, soaring around the planet rescuing troubled souls, kids in tow, changing bag slung over one shoulder, cape flying, wearing a freshly applied coat of sheer red lipstick. That was who I aspired to be. I had picked up the idea that mums who could ‘do it all’ and ‘have it all’ (running projects, groups, volunteering, baking, preparing endless creative activities for toddlers, earning money, having regular deep chats about God with strangers) were the ones who were truly bathing in the glory of God’s favour and obeying the Great Commission in Matthew 28.”

As the book goes on, it becomes apparent that the authors, Anna France-Williams and Joy French, have been humbled by the reality of actual parenting! The reality, it seems, is that your deep and meaningful conversations are often cut short due to a need of your child – running to stop them throwing themselves off a piece of furniture, or stop them hitting another child, or to kiss them better when they’ve towergrazed their knee. The reality is also that parenting is tiring work, and so however good the intentions of doing evening things – community projects, church meetings, even having people round for a meal – is often a battle of the will, because all you want to do is snuggle up with a book and a bar of chocolate! Also, parenting makes you realise that rather than having the natural ability and resources to serve everyone else’s needs – you often really need help yourself in order to keep sane, rested and eating properly. In fact, being real about struggles in parenting can be a much better way of deepening friendships with believers and non-Christians rather than trying to give the impression that you are coping brilliantly.

So the book has been a really helpful corrective for me. I have a bit of a Messiah complex, and trying to be super mum – looking after baby, husband, and all those other needy souls out there, would absolutely play to my selfish pride. It’s liberating to know that I’m justified by God’s grace and have nothing to prove to my heavenly father. My identity isn’t primarily in my employment (or lack thereof), or my marital status, or in how I spend my time – my identity is in Christ. I couldn’t possibly be more loved by the Father then I currently am in Christ. So this frees me up to enjoy basking in his love for me, and serve others out of a place of security. Praise the Lord that my identity is found in his Son and not my performance.

Five years on I can truthfully say that the honesty and realism of this book is wonderful! I recommended it to anyone who would listen then and I would still highly recommend it now. Whether you’re expecting, a new-parent or a seasoned parent, this is a really heart-warming and readable book that will encourage your heart with the wonderful gospel. It is also inspiring, and will make you want to make the most of the exciting opportunities for mission that being a parent give you. 

When your child is hard to like…

Scott and Cathy Uncategorized 0 Comment

We have a confession to make, which we think some of you may relate to?

Sometimes our children infuriate and exasperate us.

It could be the endless sibling squabbles, the baby biting the mastitis- infected breast AGAIN, or finding out that the cream sofa has pen drawings on it.

These are pretty normal things to get frustrated about, and you may even say that being infuriated is fair enough.

But do you ever go through periods when you and one of your children just aren’t getting on very well? You’re at loggerheads. The repeated conflict, the repeated disobedience, the repeated hurt feelings mean that you can feel a constant undercurrent of annoyance at that child? Perhaps you’ve never felt like that about your children – and in a way we hope not. It’s a grim way to feel.

But let’s say you do find yourself there. You can’t change their behaviour. And you can’t change your feelings of disappointment towards them.

What next?

Do we embrace the cliché “I love you, but I just don’t like you very much right now.”?

Or do we fight for their hearts and for our own? Do we fight to have a loving affection towards them despite, and in the midst of, their waywardness?

One of us was feeling this way about one of our children recently, and God gave that person a brainwave.

Pray.

Pray for the child. Pray for us as parents. Pray for the relationship.

Well, d’uh, you might say. So far, so obvious.

But.

But here is the GENIUS part. Pray for them while they’re sleeping!

Have you ever sat at the foot of the bed and prayed for your wayward child?

We dare you to. We dare you to pray for your sleeping child and not fall in love with them all over again. Sleeping children are so delicious! They look like beautiful cherubs.

And as you pray over them, fighting for their hearts, praying for protection for them in their own spiritual battle, imploring God to act on their behalf, you’ll feel God’s fatherly affection for them well up in your heart.

It’s not that their foibles and frustratingness has gone away – you still remember it all. But you’re able, somehow, to put it into perspective.

It’s a wonderful experience. In the quietness of night, in the stillness, and to the sound of their deep breathing – to pray for their precious little lives. It’s an honour. And it makes a difference.

But as special as this is. It also highlights a huge difference between our love for our children, and God’s love for us. It’s striking how much superior his is.

This is the extraordinary difference between us and God….

When Jesus intercedes for us before the Father, it’s not because we’re cute and angelic-looking. In fact it’s quite the opposite. Jesus knows more fully than we could know the horrendous, dark, all-encompassing extent of our sin.

Yet he loves us anyway.

He prays for our good despite the ugliness of our hearts. He spreads his protection over us, not because he had some obligation to do so (we rejected him, remember) but because he would rather take the hit; he would rather take the punishment and shame of our sin on himself rather than see us suffer the consequences of it.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
2 Corinthians 5:21

He implores that the Father act on our behalf, not because we’re sweet and endearing, but because he is full of mercy and grace. Because he gave his life to rescue us, and he’s not going to give up on us now.

He intercedes for us because of his extraordinary, indelible, all-consuming, unconditional love for us.

So, as you pray for your difficult child (or children) as they sleep, remember the one who cares for, prays for and fights for your good. And be encouraged. Be overwhelmed. Be moved. Because the one who sees our waywardness also won our forgiveness, and now looks with stubborn and passionate loving affection towards us.

Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died–more than that, who was raised to life–is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
Romans 8:34

Give your child the world: Raising globally minded kids one book at a time

Scott and Cathy Reviews 0 Comment
Give your child the world: Raising globally minded kids one book at a time

The chilly air bites your face as you gaze out at a vista of the Swiss Alps; you carefully canoe across the river, sweat dripping down your face as the Amazonian sun and threat of piranhas causes you to perspire; the aroma of spices, the dazzling array of bright colours and the cacophony of auto rikshaws and market traders makes you know that you’ve arrived in India…

Descriptive writing is evocative isn’t it? One minute you’re sitting on you living room sofa with your kids, the next you’re transported to another continent, another millennia, to outer space even! That’s the power of story.

We started reading “Give Your Child the World: Raising Globally Minded Kids One Book at a Time*” by Jamie C. Martin and were instantly hooked. The first few chapters are all about creating a culture at home where you are interested in other nationalities, cultures and cuisines. Written from a Christian perspective, the author gives lots of practical ways to help children to engage with the wider world. It reminded us of a blog post we had written on the same topic.

The last two-thirds of the book* are reading lists of books that will transport you and your children to other parts of the world. There’s a chapter for each continent in the world, and books are divided into age categories and countries. There’s helpful descriptions of the content of the books so that you can make an informed decision before you buy.

One word of warning though: if you are a slight book-buying addict (like us!), you may need to exercise some restraint! There are so many wonderful recommendations and many of them are available second hand on ebay and amazon.

We’ve already bought a couple of books – and we are absolutely thrilled with them. One book “Babu’s Song*” is set in Tanzania, and is a sweet and heart-warming story about a young boy who can’t afford to go to school, but in the end – well, we won’t spoil it for you! We decided to get this one because we sponsor a child in Tanzania to go to school. Stan is 4 years old, just like our eldest son, and they are becoming penpals. We thought reading a story set in Tanzania might help our son to understand the world that Stan lives in, and help him to be more empathetic towards and interested in him. The book really captured his imagination and definitely had the desired effect.

The second book we bought is called “Katje the Windmill Cat*” set in the Netherlands. We picked this book because we are going to Holland over Easter break. The book is very quintessentially Dutch, with beautiful illustrations of windmills, tulip fields and traditional clothes. It is a sweet adventure story involving a cat saving his family from a flood. We will give it to our children as a gift just before we go as a way to create some excitement and understanding about the Dutch culture.

“Give your child the world*” really is a great reference book. How else would you know where to find a children’s story book (with age guidance, content and Christian recommendations) set in Argentina, Afghanistan or Australia for example?

God calls us to love the world that he made, and the peoples, nations and cultures within it. What better way (perhaps short of hopping on a plane and experiencing it first-hand?) to immerse your children in a different land and culture? They’ll grow in their empathy for different types of people, they’ll grow in their fascination of different landscapes, and if you and the Spirit prompt them, they’ll (hopefully!) develop a heart after God’s own heart – for him to be made known in all nations.

1 Sing to the Lord a new song,
    for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
    have worked salvation for him.
2 The Lord has made his salvation known
    and revealed his righteousness to the nations.
3 He has remembered his love
    and his faithfulness to Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
    the salvation of our God.

Psalm 98:1-3

*Please note that this post contains affiliate links. If you use one of these links and go on to purchase, we will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. We’ll only ever endorse things we ourselves use and love.

What not to share: your birthing horror story?

Scott and Cathy Parenting babies, Pregnancy 0 Comment
What not to share: your birthing horror story?

“Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope you have a better one than mine, I was nauseous in the first trimester and had pelvic girdle pain in the third. I felt like death warmed up.”

“Sleep as much as you can now, before the baby arrives and sleep deprivation hits you – like a ton of bricks.”

“Oh you want to breastfeed? It’s really hard you know. Tommy had a tongue tie and I was in agony. I thought my breasts were going to explode.”

“Good luck for D-day! I was induced, had contractions for 17 hours and then had to have an emergency C-section after all that. I must have PTSD, or I if I don’t I’m convinced that Stuart does – he nearly passed out.”

Cheery thoughts for the expectant mum.

All these unsolicited comments, and the baby hasn’t even arrived yet.

I imagine you’ve been part of one of these types of conversations? They’re best in a group setting. There’s a sense of camaraderie, of one-upmanship, of a great exchange of horror stories, of group therapy!

I get it. It’s kind of fun to talk in this way. I prefer real over pretence in my friendships.

However, it’s not always the most loving thing to do! Particularly if there’s a pregnant woman there.

Sometimes it says more about our own need to express ourselves than it does about our desire to love other people.

The Bible says that we are to encourage one another and build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Encouraging means to give courage to others. To encourage is to speak words of truth to build faith and give courage in the face of something challenging or scary.

The way we speak is really important according to scripture – we can use our speech either to build up or to tear down. To encourage faith in the kind, loving, sovereign God or to undermine that faith and belittle each other or God.

So while it might seem like harmless fun – that isn’t always the case.

Let me tell you a true story…

We currently have a new born baby in our house. She’s our third child (we’ve got three kids aged 4 and under! Just call us crazy). Well, if you follow our blog, you may know that I found this pregnancy really difficult. I had physical and emotional difficulties (crying most days!) for the duration of the third trimester. A week or so before our baby made her entrance into the world I developed a cold. The common cold. A runny nose. That is all.

However, in my hormonal, heavily pregnant state, this was the worst. thing. ever.

We went along to the Sunday service at our church, and a friend asked how I was. I told her about my cold, and as I did I could feel a lump in my throat and my eyes starting to burn. Because this wasn’t just any cold – it was the cold that would scupper my natural birth plan. How can you breathe through the contractions, when you can’t actually breathe? The hot salty tears rolled down my face. So I did what any sensible mother-to-be would do in that situation (not!) and hastily left church before the service had even started.

As I was waddling out of the building another friend stopped me to ask if I was ok, because, well, I clearly wasn’t. I tried to give a quick explanation without bring up the cold, as I didn’t want to look silly and ridiculous and to be crying about a cold again. But the friend persisted. Seeing that I wasn’t getting out of it. I voiced my fears again – how could I give birth naturally and do my breathing exercises (which I’ve been practicing for MONTHS!) if I had a blocked nose during labour?

My friend responded with encouragement in that moment.

She reminded me that God would be with me through labour no matter what. She told me about when God gave her inexpressible peace during the traumatic birth of her twin boys (without going into detail of the traumatic bit!), she reminded me of all the women in our church who had had C-sections and had recovered well afterwards. She gave me courage. Courage to trust in the goodness and the sovereignty of God, even as I would have to face my fears any day now. She built me up and treated me with respect when I felt downhearted and ashamed. Her words mattered. They were thought-through, truthful and full of grace. She lifted my gaze to the God who cared for me.

And really, that’s what gospel-living should be all about.

Not understanding the truths of the gospel in the abstract.

But seeing how they intersect with our actual lives, our actual hopes and fears and circumstances.

Ephesians 4:29

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

I have to admit: I do enjoy sharing my birthing stories – even the gory bits – with other mums. But given my experience, I now try to be more careful when speaking to expectant mums. I try to remember the fears, the anxiety and the hormones that are present in pregnancy, and I try to remember just how soothing the balm of the gospel can be in the face of all of that.

Do you know an expectant mum? What words of comfort and hope could you offer them as they anticipate their labour? Well go for it – you don’t know what good you could do for their heart with a gentle word of encouragement. Perhaps you could send them these encouraging Bible Verses for labour.

Self-care and the gospel of grace

Scott and Cathy self-image 1 Comment

Some of these scenarios could happen on any day of being a parent:

The teething baby is up again screaming.
The pre-schooler has just vomited all over the new carpet.
Your plans to tidy the house and host people from church has been scuppered by a pressing issue at school which requires a meeting with your child’s teacher.
A friend says something insensitive about your children/ house/ church involvement and it makes you want to cry.
The teenager is withdrawn and disrespectful.
The laundry basket is never empty, the house is never clean, you never truly feel rested and today, you’ve just had enough.

Parenting is hard.

Sometimes the pressures pile up on us and make us feel like we just can’t do it anymore.

This can lead to us feeling overwhelmed, alone, like we’re failing and sometimes depressed.

So what is the Christian answer to this? What does the Bible actually say about the concept of self-care?

Well rather than self-care, it might be that your mind first goes to those verses about self-denial and sacrifice:

“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.“ Matthew 16:24

And Mark 10:44-45, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,  and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Or conversely, we might think of Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Well these are all important Biblical ideas but, as well as these, the Bible has so much to say on the topic of self-care. While it never uses the expression “self-care” it says a huge amount about living wisely and healthily in a broken world. So let’s do a whistle-stop tour of what the Bible says, and then after we’ll draw out some practical suggestions in light of this.

Creation

God created a perfect world: Adam and Eve depended perfectly on God, and God provided for all their emotional and physical needs. The world wasn’t broken. There was energy instead of burn-out, freshness instead of exhaustion, and complete joy instead of sadness of any kind.

Stop and reflect on this for a moment – God’s original intention for humanity was for an existence free from suffering, and one where we would have perfect relationships with him, each other and ourselves – what a good, wise and kind God!

And here’s something pretty cool – God (despite being infinite and all powerful) decided to rest on the seventh day after he completed his work of creation. Technically, God doesn’t need to rest and yet he did. He enjoyed with contentment all that he had made. If God prioritises rest, then so should we.

Fall

But things didn’t stay that way. Humanity rejected God’s kind rule, and suffering, toil in work, strife in parenting and ultimately death came to be. Our relationships with God, each other and ourselves were damaged by sin.

What does this mean? This means that hardship is unavoidable and things are hard. We are finite creatures, designed to be dependent on our infinite Father-God. But instead of looking to him to provide for our needs, we often look elsewhere to provide the solution to our problems.

Sometimes we try to make the good things of creation the solution to our broken hearts, such as wine, TV, chocolate, social media, hobbies, or a bath!

Other times we turn to more sinister solutions – selfishness, neglecting our responsibilities and so on – we think “putting number 1 first” is what we need.

We try to fix ourselves, but we still feel exhausted and overwhelmed. In the end, it doesn’t work. Certainly not fully.

Redemption

So Jesus came into the world. Our loving God-incarnate came to show us what it means to live life perfectly in relation to God, other people and himself.

Jesus was fully human, he got tired, hungry, dirty. He took time to sleep (even in ridiculous circumstances – like while sailing in a storm!), to retreat from the crowds and pray, and he accepted the hospitality of other people.

But there were other occasions when he sacrificed his comfort for others., like when he fed the crowd of 5000 people, when he cooked fish for his disciples after his resurrection, when he continued to heal people, stay up late teaching and travel large distances for the sake of his ministry.

Ultimately however, we see his sacrificial love at the cross – where Jesus lays down his own comfort, to sacrifice his life for our sake. Self-care was laid down to care for us. He considered our interests as more important than his own. He died in the place of sinful humanity, bearing the righteous anger of God, so that we go free.

It’s because of Jesus’ sacrificial love and death for us that we can come to him and find rest for our souls. Not because of our efforts or performance in our parenting (or any other area of life) but because he has made us right and acceptable before God. We can rest, because Jesus has changed our status before God, forever. We are dearly loved children once again, restored to him, and able to call on him for help, comfort and strength to get us through this life.

New Creation

But that’s not the end.

Jesus is coming back again to recreate the universe. There will be no more sorrow, suffering, exhaustion, disappointment, toil or death. Self-care won’t be a category that we think about, because he will provide for all our needs, and we will live in perfect relationship to other people and to ourselves. We won’t question whether we need to look after ourselves better, or feel guilty for sitting on the sofa for too long – we will live perfect lives, we’ll always make the right judgement call, and crucially, live in a world which is not broken.

So what does that mean for me today?
1) Acknowledge that you are finite

We don’t like to think of ourselves as weak and needy, we like to accomplish much, meet our goals, be productive, feel like we’re doing a good job by our children. This isn’t all bad at all – but we deceive ourselves into thinking that we can do it all, and do it alone. Then when we realise we can’t (the 4-year old refuses to put on their shoes, making us late, causing us to lose our temper and then scaring the baby into fits of tears), it all begins to unravel very quickly! We arrive at our destination not presenting the facade of happy family which we want to – but the actual real version of ourselves.

It’s actually a liberating thought to know that we are finite. We are God’s creation – he doesn’t expect us to be able to do it all.

He has given us 24 hours in the day for a reason – he doesn’t expect us to do 30 hours of work.

He has given us limited stores of energy for a reason – we don’t need to burn the candle at both ends.

We need to sleep, to eat, to rest, to unwind because we are human beings (and so are our children), and that’s a good thing.

2) Don’t be surprised at your sin

We are sinners, our children are sinners, our spouses are sinners. So we hurt each other, accidentally and on purpose. Acknowledging the reality of the situation means that we can ask Jesus for forgiveness and move on. No need to be horrified – Christ sees the depths of all our hearts and loves us anyway.

3) Know that Jesus is your strength

Jesus is our family’s saviour, not us as parents. He is ready to help us in our time of need, and pointing our children to him (not our own brilliance – ha!) is the best thing to do.

This is really practical. It means we can turn to him in prayer in the heat of the moment. It also means we can have a deep bath, with lit candles, a glass of wine and thank him that he is our strength, he is sufficient, he is our saviour.

4) Have hope that it won’t be this way forever

It won’t always be this way. So, on the really tough days, when we just can’t endure it anymore, we can cling onto the hope that a day is coming when all suffering will be done away with.

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

Comforting Bible Verses for Labour and Childbirth

Scott and Cathy Pregnancy 0 Comment
Comforting Bible Verses for Labour and Childbirth

The birth of our third baby is fast approaching. Which has got us thinking about what a gospel-centred approach to childbirth might look like.

So watch this space, there may be more blog posts pondering this topic coming up in the weeks to come. There’s lots to say on the topic for sure!

Childbirth as a mental battlefield

Let me speak from a woman’s perspective for a minute. I always knew that childbirth was a physical exercise (arguably the most physically strenuous event that can occur in a woman’s life), but it’s only through experience that I realised how much it’s actually an exercise of the mind.

The birth of or first two sons were starkly different in this regard. The first labour was characterised by fear, a defeatist attitude and much physical pain. The second was characterised by optimism, excitement and determination, and yes, pain, but pain I could endure. Guess which one was shorter and more enjoyable? You’ve guessed right, the second one. I know that subsequent births are often shorter, but this isn’t always the case, and I do think mindset has a part to play.

I understand that this perhaps sounds a bit self-help-y. However, anyone who trains for a marathon knows that the training is both physical and mental. First of all you have to get up off the sofa and out to the door, before you can begin your run. Mental preparation is essential, and it’s the thing that keeps you going when your body tells you to give up before the finishing line. Your mind says “keep going” when your legs scream “give up!”

There are lots of athletic metaphors in the Bible, showing the interplay between hard physical training and strong mental images and motivations to endure.

“And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (Hebrews 12:2-3)

In sporting terms, we talk about visualising the finishing line, keeping our eye on the prize, remaining focused. In the Christian life we are to fix our eyes on Jesus as the motivation to endure. And as we do so, we model Jesus who kept his eye on the prize – sitting down at the right hand of God, with the joy of having redeemed a people for himself. Jesus visualised the end, and that gave him strength to endure the cross. His mental meditation on truth led to a physical endurance.

Meditating on Scripture

I gave birth to our second son while listening to birthing affirmations to relaxing music – it really helped to overcome my fears and to help me focus on the task at hand. It was a great grace of God.

However, it’s made me realise that this time I’d like to meditate on Scripture. Because as much as I’d like to “welcome my baby with joy and ecstasy” (one of the lines from the CD!) I’d also like to remember that  “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” and that God’s grace is sufficient for me for his “power is made perfect in weakness.”

Comforting Bible verses

So here we go, a list of comforting Bible verses which you may which to memorise (or print out) for during your labour. This can be a help to you whether you are having a natural birth or a planned or emergency C-section. God longs to comfort us all in our time of need. There aren’t many surgeries that we have fully conscious! Meditating on Scripture while in theatre can bring real comfort.

On this – I don’t wish to sound overly pious! I find memorising Scripture difficult, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to recall it during contractions. However, I’m trusting that God will honour the effort and will bring comfort during my labour – even if that is just that I meditate on one verse over and over again.

And let’s not forget our birthing partners. Our husbands, mums, friends, doulas can read out these Bible verses for us, or pray for us, or make a relaxing/worshipful songlist for us. Let’s not be afraid to express our faith even in front of medical professionals. Childbirth, is a spiritual, emotional and deeply intimate experience after all. [In fact, as a total aside, I have a dear friend (a very gifted evangelist) who shared the gospel with her midwife after her birth!] I’m not at all suggesting that’s what God expects of us, but it is a beautiful possibility.

We’ve compiled the verses into a pretty pdf that you can view on a screen or print out – to get access to them sign up to our mailing list (you can unsubscribe any time!) and you’ll get the details in your welcome email. Sign up using the form below:

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We hope that you find these verses a comfort to you. They can be applied to all sorts of situations, not just childbirth, so memorising them is no bad shout – whether or not you’re pregnant.

So what about you?

How did you find comfort in the gospel during childbirth? If you’ve got any suggestions – CD recommendations, tips or other verses then we’d love to here them! Please let us know in the comments box below.

 

What is Jesse Tree and why do we love it? (Plus free worldwide delivery this week!)

Scott and Cathy Jesse Tree, Uncategorized 0 Comment
What is Jesse Tree and why do we love it? (Plus free worldwide delivery this week!)

If you’ve ever read anything on this blog, you’ll know that we think the gospel really is wonderfully good news for both parents and children. And you’ll know that our mission is to help you (as well as ourselves!) keep the gospel central to everything. Advent and Christmas should be times of wonderful, joy-filled, gospel-saturated wonder. Very often, however, the gospel gets crowded out with everything else that’s going on.

Given this is the case, last year we launched a product called “Jesse Tree”, a wonderful tool to help keep excitement about Jesus at the centre of the Christmas period.

Jesse Tree ornaments date back hundreds of years, and are a bit like a Christian advent calendar. The name Jesse Tree comes from a prophesy in Isaiah 11. Each day through December in the run up to Christmas you can hang a Jesse Tree Ornament and read a section of the Bible with your child(ren) that points forward to the coming of Jesus.

Last year it was such a joy to see photos on facebook, twitter and instagram of families all over the world using their ornaments with their children to build anticipation for Christmas day.

Included in a Jesse Tree set are 24 ornaments which correspond to the first 24 chapters of the Jesus Storybook Bible*, or you can read along with the suggested passages from our Jesse Tree Guide, which comes free with your purchase. So every day, from December 1st, you will be able to fix your family’s eyes on the wonder of the coming of Jesus. You’ll be able to build expectation as you look at some of the wonderful ways that Jesus is anticipated throughout the Old Testamant, and you’ll enjoy the climax of the story as you read about the coming of Jesus, leading you right up to Christmas day.

A special discount for Gospel-Centred Parenting readers

These Jesse Tree ornaments would not exist if it wasn’t for you. The inspiration for making a product like this came after a year of writing our Christian parenting blog. After spending each week reflecting on how the gospel impacted our day-to-day messy lives (and specifically the area of parenting) we became excited about the opportunity to make something which would help families to read the Bible together and bask in the sunshine of the gospel together. Jesse Tree is the fruit of that dream.

As a reader of our blog, we’d love to offer you a discount.

Each ornament is hand-printed with ink on rustic hazel wood, and comes pre-strung. We can ship it to you wherever you live in the world. Last year we were thrilled to ship Jesse Tree sets to, among other places Greece, New Zealand, Australia, the USA and Canada (not to mention lots in the UK)! Sometimes international shipping can take several weeks, and so with that in mind we’d like to offer you free shipping until October 14th. This applies wherever you live in the world! This way, you should receive you set in time for December 1st.

Just use the code freedel for free domestic or international shipping. This offer is valid until October 14th.

 

We hope you love the design – we certainly do. We are blessed to be working alongside a brilliant designer from our church, Rory Henderson.

We’re also thrilled to be able to give 10% of profit to the work of Bible translation and distribution. This means that not only will your family enjoy this gospel-centred product, but you will also be contributing to work that will mean others around the world can gain access to the gospel too.

We have a number of colour options available – click through to our shop to see more images and place your order.

Our prayer is that your family will use these ornaments for many years to come. Through them, we hope that you will create some truly special memories that are recounted and repeated down the generations. And more importantly, our greatest prayer is that you will all grow in love for Jesus as you together see how (as the Jesus Storybook Bible* so memorably puts it) “every story whispers his name.”

We are a small business, and rely on people like you spreading the word about our Jesse Tree sets. Please would you share this post if you have friends who would benefit from this offer? Or better yet, why don’t you buy a set for their family as a Christmas gift? We (and they) would be super duper grateful!

Modelling repentance to children

Scott and Cathy Uncategorized 0 Comment
Modelling repentance to children

We caught our child lying the other day.

It wasn’t an overly deceptive lie. We asked him if he’d finished his crumpet. He said “Yes.” But when we looked at the plate, the crumpet was still there!

Before you say it… we know these aren’t crumpets! We couldn’t find a crumpet image!

So, after chatting it through a bit, we cracked out the age-old line, “We’re very disappointed that you lied to us.”

The camel’s back was well and truly broken with this straw. He had a major meltdown lasting a good 10 minutes, and his behaviour got progressively worse. He wasn’t responding well to correction or to his time out. As parents our patience was starting to wear thin too. Why does this have to happen so early on a Saturday morning?

We’re so thankful for God’s grace for what happened next.

Our son showed genuine repentance and we were reconciled and able to move on to a lovely day.

We accredit this in large part to a friend of ours explaining how he modelled repentance to his children. We’ve tried to replicate. Not as some magic formula to replace the Holy Spirit, but as a helpful guide of what to do when you’re in the thick of a tricky confrontation with your child.

Modelling repentance to children

Before we were parents we used to work for the christian charity UCCF: The Christian Unions.  While we were on staff we had a brilliant supervisor who was also a dad to three young children. He was in the trenches of sleep-deprivation, discipline issues and trying to balance ministry and family life in this very overwhelming season.

He would often tell us little anecdotes about what his children had got up to, including the more tedious (for him, we’re sure!) parts about their bad behaviour and subsequent discipline. It was so very helpful for us. And we didn’t even know it at the time.

So what did he do?

In large part, his discipline was similar to anyone else’s. He’d give warnings about the consequences of disobedience, “If you don’t do X then you’ll have to have a time out.” Then he’d follow through.

But what he did next was brilliant.

He would lead his children to Jesus.

He’d have a discussion with his children about their behaviour. Identifying what the problem was. Then he would hold them and pray with them.

He spoke to us about how frustrating it could be to repeat the practice again and again – warning, consequence, prayer, repeat. But he would still keep doing it. And then we started to hear encouraging stories about how his eldest (then 4 years old) would start to say encouraging things about Jesus. He made his first profession of faith while sat on the toilet while his dad was in the shower! Precious moments, in real life situations.

Sorry, Thank You, Please

So since then, we’ve tried to replicate this modelling repentance to our children. Both taking our children to Jesus in prayer when they sin, and apologising to our children and praying for our own forgiveness when we sin against them. Now to be totally honest, it’s only started to feel worthwhile within the last year or so – Cathy first apologised to our eldest and modelled repentance when he was only a few weeks old. She raised her voice at him out of frustration because he wouldn’t stop crying. The mum-guilt was awful! But the repentance helped, even though the baby had no idea what was going on. But now that he’s 4, it feels much more worthwhile!

So, practically speaking what does a modelling repentance conversation go like?

Quite often we use a simple prayer which can be used to lead someone to Christ for the first time, or for the thousandth time: “Sorry, thank you, please.”

The interaction might go like this:

Parent:”It wasn’t right that you lied. It also wasn’t right that I raised my voice at you – that isn’t the right way to deal with frustration. I think we should pray to Jesus about it, don’t you?”

Holding child in arms, pray,

“Dear Lord Jesus, we’re sorry for the times when we sin, when we hurt you and other people. Thank you for dying on the cross to forgive our sin. Thank you that you love to forgive us. Please help us change by your Holy Spirit. Amen”

Simple enough for a child to understand, profound enough to preach the gospel to their hearts and ours.

After the lying incident

Our son was wracked with guilt because of his lying (and getting caught!). He then chose to respond with anger, aggression and further disobedience. But once the dust had settled, and we went to speak to him after his time out, an amazing and visible change happened.

The anger turned to tears, the shouting turned to quiet listening to the prayer, the lashing out turned to a tight bear hug and he was genuinely ready to say sorry to us.

The amazing thing about discipline done this way, is how children long to be reconciled to their parents. After the confrontation they long to be held, to be played with, to be spoken kindly too. They know they acted wrongly, they’ve turned from their sin, repented and sought reconciliation.

Aren’t you the same as an adult? After a confrontation with your spouse, aren’t the hugs after a heartfelt apology the tightest?

What a wonderful thing to experience. What a wonderful thing to model to our children. What a joy it is to live in the freedom of the gospel which recognises sin as sin, has a way to deal with it, and can move on to a guilt-free, loving relationship thereafter.

On this – another Christian parent that we know once told us that her parents modelled grace to her by never mentioning a sin that had been repented of again. Once an apology was said, that was it over and done with. She experienced that as a child, and it’s left a long-lasting impression on her of God’s grace towards her as an adult. She now does the same with her daughter.

We won’t do it perfectly

None of us will discipline perfectly all the time. We don’t always interpret the situation correctly, we don’t always keep our cool, we don’t always remember the gospel in the thick of it.

But that’s completely the point!

The gospel says we all need a saviour, and that Jesus willingly and lovingly offers himself to be it. In this life, it’s never too late to model repentance. It’s never too late to seek reconciliation. Even if our children are grown-ups now. There’s still time.

 “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John:8-9

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16 

So what about you?

We’d love to hear about how you model repentance in your home. How do you resolve conflict and move towards Christ as a family? If you grew up in a Christian home, how did growing up in an atmosphere of repentance and love impact you?

Please leave a comment below – we love gleaning wisdom from other parents!

And if you found this post encouraging please consider sharing it on social media.

 

 

“Do you know what you’re having?” Baby boys, baby girls and the gospel

Scott and Cathy Pregnancy 0 Comment
“Do you know what you’re having?” Baby boys, baby girls and the gospel

It’s not long after the tummy starts protruding that people ask, “So, do you know what you’re having?” Meaning (of course) have you found out the sex of your baby?

As the parents of two very energetic little boys (aged 4 and 2) people often followed up this question with, “Are you trying for a girl now?” “I bet you’d love a little girl.” “Oh I hope it’s a girl!”

Part of me wasn’t sure if these comments came because those mums felt sorry for me as they observed the boys zoom around the room, making loud noises and jumping off the play equipment. Perhaps they felt it’s my time to have a dainty little girl who’ll sit by my side.

When it came to it, we had a hard time deciding whether or not to find out the sex at the 20 week scan.

It’s an amazingly exciting thing to find out that you are having a healthy baby at the anomaly scan – but despite that it seems to pale into insignificance with the follow-up question of what gender the baby is.

We worried that people (friends, family and strangers) would express some disappointment, or at least express less excitement if we were to announce that we were having another baby boy. But that the response would be entirely different if we were having a girl. We wanted to guard ourselves and our little unborn baby from this, but at the same time we were curious to know…

All of this has caused us to reflect on this question: how should we think about a baby’s sex in light of the gospel?

God created male and female and he made them good

‘Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over tall the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them[…] God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.’ Genesis 26-27, 31

This is wonderful news! Male and female alike are made in the image of God. Women and men are made in the likeness of God. Boys and girls are very good – the pinnacle of God’s creation. Humanity, male and female together uniquely reflect God’s likeness. So we can be greatly encouraged and reassured to know that all human babies are supremely precious and valuable in God’s sight. He may be your eighth baby boy, she may be your fourth baby girl – but regardless of this, and regardless of your preference, they are just as much image bearers of God and exceedingly cherished by God.

God is the sovereign family planner

Truthfully, our children have been a real surprise to me! They are very different to the hypothetical children who I imagined in my head. They’re more loud, sleep less, are way more spirited than I expected and well, in so many ways they are not like me, and that’s been very challenging at times. But they are so much more funny, expressive, courageous and ingenious. Actually, I see a huge amount of Scott in them – especially in our eldest, and that’s super fun.

And… well they’re boys. I think I always imagined I’d have a little girl who would enjoy colouring in, coffee dates and going shopping.

But I’ve often pondered the amazing truth that God is the sovereign family planner. He’s the giver of life and he’s sovereign over the number of children, spacing of children, personality of children and their sex too. He’s sovereign and he is all wise, all loving and he doesn’t make mistakes. How encouraging that he creates our family units – differences, similarities, quirks and all.

“For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers of authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.” Col 1:16

“Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.” Psalm 147:5

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Don’t look to your children to provide what only God can provide

Children are an amazing blessing from the Lord. They bring so much joy, laughter and purpose to our lives. From their chubby thighs, cute high-pitched voices, hilarious observations about the world, capacity to love and trust and forgive and their potential for greatness – children are a blessing. Boys and girls are a great blessing.

But children are also sinful. So parenting is hard. Disappointments and frustrations abound. We can’t live up to their expectations, and they can’t live up to ours – no matter how good and godly our earthly families are.

So we mustn’t make our families our ultimate source of happiness and fulfilment – because they were never designed to meet those needs. Only God can.

Little boys disappoint us, little girls disappoint us – they can’t carry the weight of our dreams, expectations and hopes – and nor should they! They are not miniature extensions of ourselves. They are their own unique people. Infinitely valuable.

They are not little gods, to be worshipped, to be idolised and to be our source of life. Only God is worthy of our adoration. And when he is the central focus of worship in our family life, our families will function in a much more satisfying and healthy way. With Christ central – everything else will orbit as it should do.

“For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry he fills with good things” Psalm 22:26

“In your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures evermore.” Psalm 16:11

Drum roll please… and the sex is…

So, we did find out the sex of our baby at the 20 week scan, and we’re having a girl!

Truthfully, we did pray for a girl, desired a daughter and are super thrilled at the prospect. But in our joy at finding out this news, we want to make sure that we parent our daughter (and our sons) in such a way that we let them be the unique individuals that God created them to be, and to grow into the men and women that God would have them be.

Because in the end, whether our daughter is a girly girl who loves dolls and pamper days, or whether she loves climbing trees and making mudpies (or all of the above), the most important thing is that she’s made in the image of God, part of God’s plan for our family, and not our ultimate source of joy.

Thank you Jesus for your kindness to us!

This post was inspired by a question that a mum in the gospel-centred parenting facebook group asked. She asked for a blog post on this topic. As a mum of three little boys, she is often the recipient of insensitive comments about her children’s gender. She also sometimes feels a disappointment deep down of her own dreams for a daughter not being fulfilled. Christian friends, let’s be careful to honour all little boys and girls (and parents) as we interact with others in our churches and communities. All little people are so precious to him.

If you’d like to be part of a supportive community where you can ask questions and bounce ideas off one another, why not join our Gospel-Centred Parenting facebook group? Just click here.