Blog | Gospel-Centred Parenting

Review: Home for Good

Scott and Cathy Reviews May 30, 2016June 5, 2016 2 Comments

Did you know that in the UK, 4,000 children are waiting for adoption and 8,600 foster families are desperately needed (according to the charity Home For Good)? Stats like that should make us sit up and pay attention.

Since we’re just coming out of Fostering Fortnight, we decided we would read and review “Home For Good: Making A Difference For Vulnerable Children”*, a book by Krish and Miriam Kandiah. It is a book about the joys and challenges of adoption and fostering.

Some may say that reading a book about adoption and fostering just 3 months before the arrival of our next biological baby is a bit odd. But we reasoned that there’s always an excuse to put off thinking about adoption and fostering and, being realistic, once little Thomson arrives we’ll be sleep-deprived, overwhelmed and pre-occupied for a good length of time. So, we decided to think about it now, completely in the hypothetical, while we still have a bit of mental space (and our brains are still vaguely functioning).

We found the book extremely readable, thought-provoking, well-written and inspiring. We would highly recommend it.

A book for anyone at any stage of life

This book should be read by all Christians. It’s not just for people considering adoption and fostering, but for anyone who belongs to God’s family. The Home for Good book has come out of the Home for God campaign. The vision of this campaign is to see Christian families adopting and fostering not in isolation, but with the encouragement and support of their church families as they care for vulnerable children.

So if you belong to the church, this is a book for you.

It will help you think about how you can support and pray for vulnerable children and the families that care for them. The Kandiah’s message is clear – we all can and should be doing something to help, this isn’t just for the super spiritual amongst us. Christians should be at the forefront of caring for needy children in our country.

A book which is thoroughly biblical

Krish is an excellent Bible teacher, and that shines through as he retells familiar Bible stories in a really engaging and fresh way. He convincingly argues that the central message of the gospel is our adoption into God’s family and that this compels us to show the same compassion to others.

This is something all of us need to keep hearing. JI Packer in ‘Knowing God’* says this:

“What is a Christian? The question can be answered in many ways, but the richest answer I know is that a Christian is one who has God as Father.

If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God’s child, and having God as his Father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and his whole outlook on life, it means that he does not understand Christianity very well at all…

Adoption… is the highest privilege that the gospel offers: higher even than justification… To be right with God the Judge is a great thing, but to be loved and cared for by God the Father is a greater.”

This book is rammed-full of great theology, but it’s applied theology. You’re never far away from being challenged to act. Krish skilfully applies timeless Biblical principles to the nitty-gritty of real life in the modern day British care-system (although he does talk about international adoption in his book too).

A book which is realistic yet full of hope

As experienced adoptive and foster parents, the Kandiah’s candidly share some of their own experiences of caring for vulnerable children. The book also has lots of personal stories from the perspective of people who have grown up in care as well as from adoptive and foster parents. The book is full of realism, but also of hope. This is a book that doesn’t let you get away with the idea that caring for vulnerable children is a walk in the park, yet it does fill you with courage and inspiration for how lives can be transformed.

The book is profoundly practical and informative, with the Kandiah’s helpfully addressing some of our misconceptions and fears about the system – including social workers and the dreaded and intrusive process of getting approved. At the end of each chapter, discussion questions or prompts are provided to help you consider your own motivations and circumstances in relation to this topic. This is really helpful, as perhaps there are many families out there who are interested in adoption and fostering but are simply intimidated by the system. This book begins to remedy this.

A book which will leave you challenged

Home For Good * should come with a health warning. Don’t read this book if you want to be left unchanged. The Kandiah’s are extremely passionate about the church’s role in caring for vulnerable children (with Krish recently stepping down as the President of the London School of Theology to devote more time to the charity Home for Good, who are at the forefront of championing the cause of unaccompanied refugee children). The aim of this book was never to simply give a biblical defence of adoption and fostering but is a call for Christian families and the church at large to get on and do it.

We readily recommend it – click here to get your copy *.

Have you read this book? Why not comment below with your thoughts to help others who are considering reading it.

*Please note that whenever we recommend a book on this blog and link to it, we use an affiliate link. If you use that link to purchase the book than we will receive a small commission from that purchase, at no extra cost to you – we want to be totally upfront with you that this is the case. We only ever recommend books that we have personally benefited from and think will be useful or beneficial to our readers too. We hope that this will go some way to the cost of maintaining and updating this site, so if you have benefited from this blog then please consider purchasing through this link. Click on the asterix next to any link for more info.

Gospel In The Everyday: Expecting

Scott and Cathy Gospel In The Everyday, Pregnancy May 23, 2016June 5, 2016 0 Comment

If you know us, or have read this blog before, you’ll know that we’re expecting our second child in August.

Expecting

If you’ve had children of your own, or even had friends or relatives who’ve had children, you’ll know how exciting the countdown to the new arrival is. Thinking about this new baby often occupies your thoughts. What will they look like? Will it be a boy or girl? What will their personalities be like? When will they come? “Expecting” is exactly the right word to use.

Recently we’ve been reflecting on this time of waiting and have been struck by the echoes of the gospel that resound. As we said in our “Gospel In The Everyday” introductory post, we shouldn’t be surprised to see something of the truth of who God is in the world he’s created and in the rhythms and patterns of the world, all of which speak of his glory. We’re excited about how God, in his grace, has been using this time that we’ve been expecting to remind us of something of the gospel. We hope you’ll be encouraged too.

When Is He Coming?

In 1 Thessalonians 5, Paul writes to a church who seem to be in a bit of confusion about the return of Jesus. He writes to them to urge them to be aware that Jesus will return, and to stay alert to this reality as they go about life, as the exact date and time of his return is unknown.

To help them get their heads round it, Paul uses two illustrations. He describes Jesus’ return as being like a thief in the night. The point is clear. If we knew exactly when a thief was going to come, then it wouldn’t be a surprise. We wouldn’t be sleeping and allow them to just stroll in and steal. But the fact is, we don’t know when a thief will come. It’s a shock to us. Just like Jesus’ return.

Then he uses an unexpected illustration. He talks about Jesus’ return coming suddenly, like labour pains come to a woman. (Paul uses this illustration negatively – it’s a warning to those who don’t know Jesus. But hopefully you’ll see that this illustration can be helpful to Christians too.)

Now, we always thought this illustration a little odd. You see we do know, don’t we, when a baby is coming? 9 months gestation, and all of that?

Well yes, but we don’t know exactly when.

We know that the baby will come, but the exact date and time is a complete mystery (unless you have an elective C-Section of course… but that wasn’t a possibility when Paul was writing!). If you’re a parent you’ll remember that all too well – those days in the run up to the due date when you were itching for it to happen – itching to know when you’d finally meet your precious little one. Crossing the days off the calendar, knowing it will be soon, but just not sure when. And then suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, the waters break and it’s happening.

Now do you see Paul’s point? That’s just the place we’re in as Christians. We know Jesus will return. We eagerly anticipate that date. But when exactly that date will be is a mystery.

The Greater Meeting

So, as we wait expectantly to meet little miss/master Thomson, we want to use the sense of anticipation and expectancy to remind us of an even greater meeting to come that we’re also waiting for. We know with certainty that that day will one day come when Jesus will return. When exactly will that will be, we don’t know. But it will come. We will one day see him face to face. And so, as Paul goes on to urge the Thessalonians, we want to live in the light of that wonderful and certain future reality.

If you’re expecting then next time you find yourself eagerly anticipating the arrival of your little one, why not let that prompt you to ponder the reality of the coming return of Jesus? Do you know a Christian who is expecting? Maybe you could point them to this post as a helpful reminder to them of the gospel in the everyday?

Read This Blog Post And You Could Save A Life (Or Two)!

Scott and Cathy Pregnancy May 16, 2016September 23, 2016 3 Comments

The birthing experience is really important, isn’t it? We spend lots of time and money on antenatal classes and books before the big day arrives. We write our birth plans. We pack and repack our hospital bags. We wonder what the birth will be like with mixed emotions – excitement and apprehension! For some of us it’s a wonderful experience of near magical proportions, for others it’s horrendous, for others it’s dangerous and life-threatening. But no matter what our birthing experience is like, there’s something about giving birth that unites us women together. To have gone through it and to have come out the other end with a gory story gets you in the club!

But for many women in the world the experience is filled with much more fear and anxiety. Many women lack the care and health services that we so often take for granted in the West.

According to the World Health Organisation:

Every day, approximately 830 women die from preventable causes related to pregnancy and childbirth.
99% of all maternal deaths occur in developing countries.
Maternal mortality is higher in women living in rural areas and among poorer communities.

The sad fact is that with skilled care before, during and after childbirth, the lives of these women and newborn babies could have been saved.

There’s a great charity which helps to tackle this. They’ve come up with a brilliant idea. You can twin your pregnancy with a pregnancy of a woman in Malawi (Malawi is one of the poorest countries in the world, and a woman in Malawi is 60 times more likely to die having a baby than a woman in the UK). It costs just £40 (that’s £1 for each week of your pregnancy) to support a women and her baby to have a safe delivery. After the baby has been born you even get a photo of the mum and baby to see who you’ve directly helped to have a positive and safe birth experience. As well as that they give you the exact GPS coordinates of where in the world your birthing twin is. Pretty cool!

Giving birth in a hospital maternity unit costs the NHS £1,631. Then on top of that is the cost of health visitors, breast-feeding support workers and Children’s Centres to give support and guidance throughout the early years. These services are free to access, although paid for by taxpayers, and all those staff and resources must add up!

Contrast that with a one-off gift of £40. It’s great value for money. For your gift of £40, the mum-to-be receives: “transport to a health clinic for antenatal check-up; pregnancy advice, emotional support and a listening ear from a local Mother Buddy with a total of 8 visits (3 during pregnancy, 3 in the first week of delivery and 2 follow-up visits); the opportunity to give birth safely at a clinic rather than at home; visits for six months after the birth to give advice on nutrition, hygiene and staying healthy; and help with accessing ARV treatment if she is living with HIV, making sure that her baby is born HIV free.”

Check out this video to find out a bit more:

Listen to this testimony of a mum who was helped by Pregnancy Twinning:

“My Mother Buddy advised me to go to antenatal classes, which I didn’t know about before, and to get treatment for HIV. I was keen to follow her advice and my baby was born HIV negative! We did not know that this was possible, or that an HIV positive mother can breastfeed. She advised me on cooking nutritious meals for my family too. This programme needs to continue and expand so that it can reach other pregnant women in other villages.”

We think it’s a fantastic charity, and so we wanted to raise awareness on here with a few ideas for how you might support it. Here are a few suggestions:

If you’re pregnant, why not twin your pregnancy?
If your friend or relative is pregnant why don’t you twin their pregnancy for them, as a gift?
Perhaps you could organise a friend’s baby-shower? Ask each guest to donate £4, and use the donations to support a woman and baby to have a safe labour. With just 10 guests, the pregnancy would be twinned. A birth experience would be transformed. Lives could be saved.

We decided to twin my pregnancy. It’s exciting knowing that there’s another woman across the world with roughly the same due date as me. I’ll be keeping her in my thoughts and prayers as D-day approaches. I can’t wait to get my photo to see what mum and baby look like – to think that we were able to help them is pretty cool!

If you’re reading this blog and currently pregnant… all the best for the big day!

Click here to twin a pregnancy now.

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A Lament For Our Lost Baby

Scott and Cathy Pregnancy May 9, 2016June 5, 2016 4 Comments

In August we’re expecting the birth of our new baby. We’re so excited and thankful to God.

And yet we grieve the two babies that we lost through miscarriage.

We were meant to have a baby this month. He/she(?) was due around now. We had a couple of scans. One week we saw our baby with a beating heart, the next week we saw our baby and their heart was still.

We’re sorry we never got the chance to meet you, precious one.
We don’t understand why it happened.
We miss you. We remember you. We love you.

“See, I will create
    new heavens and a new earth.
The former things will not be remembered,
    nor will they come to mind.
But be glad and rejoice for ever
    in what I will create,
for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight
    and its people a joy.
I will rejoice over Jerusalem
    and take delight in my people;
the sound of weeping and of crying
    will be heard in it no more.
‘Never again will there be in it
    an infant who lives but a few days”

– Isaiah 65:17-20

3 Options For Guilty Parents

Scott and Cathy Uncategorized May 1, 2016May 1, 2016 0 Comment

Until Cathy was pregnant we didn’t realise quite how many different opinions are out there on parenting.

The Plight Of The New Parent

Take just one area of a newborn’s life as an example – how they are fed milk. You’ll find that there are not just two approaches (formula or breast milk), but stacks of them: on demand; attachment parenting; strict routine; tandem feeding; political agenda… the list goes on! I
mean really, how much is there to say on the topic of feeding a baby? Loads, it turns out.

Becoming a new parent is daunting – it’s not only the countless number of decisions you have to make on behalf of your little dependent, but add to that the criticism and comments of people around you about those decisions and it’s enough to make anyone nervous. These comments aren’t usually meant to be unkind, but nevertheless they can hurt. It turns out that this isn’t restricted to when you first become a parent. The decisions go on way beyond that. So it’s fair to say that the opinions of others and the pressure to get this parenting malarkey right can induce a fair amount of guilt.

“Oh no, I forgot to brush his teeth/wash his hands/comb his hair!”
“Okay poppet, we’re just heading for tea (at McDonald’s) again”
“Time for cartoons on the iPad lovely, while I just…”

As we say these things, we feel the pang of guilt that we’ve failed to live up to our own expectations for our child’s development/diet/hygiene etc, never mind anyone else’s! We haven’t even mentioned the times that we snap at our child in anger, are inconsistent with him out of laziness, or are grumpy with each other after a hard day. Parenting really is a minefield!

Options For Dealing With Parenting Guilt

So what do we do when the inevitable happens and we cannot meet the parenting standards we feel we should reach? There are three possible options:

Option 1: Beat ourselves up – “I’m a really rubbish parent.”
Option 2: Excuse ourselves and compare ourselves to others who are doing a worse job – “All of us do it, but at least I’m not as bad as X.”
Option 3: The gospel

Let’s explore this further.

Let’s Not Be So Hard On Ourselves?

Recently we were reading a facebook status that the “Part-Time Working Mummy” (a writer) posted. It was a sentiment that some of our facebook friends had liked, shared, and generally felt comforted by. What she has to say is clearly appreciated by a lot of people – at the time of writing she had 44,508 likes on her Facebook Page (versus our 130!). Here’s the quote – please note that it had some explicit language so we’ve toned it down a bit and picked out some excerpts:

“So we are only into day 3 of ‘back to school’ and I’ve been a ‘[rubbish] mum’ repeatedly since Monday.

This weeks epic [mess] ups have included:

Leaving 2 coats worth £60 on the pavement because I was too busy trying to convince a 2 year old it’s ok to [wee] in a bush before we got back in the car […]

I gave Betsy no dinner money then remembered at 2pm when I was gorging on my own lunch at my desk so I had a melt down that she would either starve to death or be bullied for being poor.

Felt extra punctual and got the kids to school nice and early today – to remember on arriving I’d totally forgotten to collect my nephew on the way as promised.

I’ve done my usual – felt guilt, a load of rage and the usual feeling of being a totally [rubbish] parent; but then I thought…

A [rubbish] parent doesn’t feel like they’re failing because they’ve not read their child’s school book every night of the week or practised their spellings and there’s a chance they could have done better in that test if you had of.

A [rubbish] parent doesn’t sit in a meeting with a lump in their throat because they just couldn’t get the time off work to wear a high vis vest and help on the school trip to the zoo.

[Rubbish] parents don’t feel shame because their kids have eaten macdonalds more than twice in a week because they were just too exhausted to even think of what to cook for tea let alone make it.

All these things that make you feel like you’re being a [rubbish] parent actually means you’re an amazing parent – because you’re doubting yourself.
[Rubbish] parents don’t doubt themselves[…]

Instead of losing my [mind] which I was on the verge of doing I just thought [stuff] it – and took my babies to the park then we ate massive Ice creams just before tea.

As I sat there with my double honeycombe sugar waffle beast with a flake I decided […] so what that it’s been another week of kid drama – as long as our babies are fed, clean, loved, happy & not the spawn of Satan most of the time we must be doing something right – let’s not be so hard on ourselves.”

Comfort For Guilt

As you read that, no doubt many of the examples will have been a bit close to the bone – they were for us. So how do you comfort yourself when your parenting seems to go belly up?

Did you notice how this Mum comforted herself? It was using options 1 (feeling really guilty when confronted with her failings) and 2 (comparing herself to others as a remedy to feeling like a failure) from above.

Before you squirm in your seats and press the ‘X’ button on Scott and Cathy, the self-righteous and judgmental blog post writers, let us reassure you that this is a case study of our hearts too. We find it all too easy to comfort ourselves in exactly the same way – wallowing in guilt or comparing ourselves to others – often we do one immediately after the other! Condemnation and comparison comes too naturally to us, it’s the instinct of our hearts. But is there a better way?

The Battle All Christians Face

In Romans chapter 6, Paul describes the battle that goes on in the life of the Christian. Here’s the passage and we’ll comment on it below:

^“5For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. ⁶For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,^[a] that we should no longer be slaves to sin – ⁷because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.

⁸Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.⁹For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. ¹⁰The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

¹¹In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. ¹²Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. ¹³Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. ¹⁴For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.”

It’s dense stuff isn’t it, but at the heart of it are some simple (and wonderful) truths. Here’s what he’s saying: we are united to Jesus. Our union with him is so tight that it means that what is true of him is true of us.

So Jesus died – we died with him. We could have a whole different blog exploring the implications of this. But in this section the implication is clear: “our old self was crucified with him so that… we should no longer be slaves to sin“. At the cross, Jesus dealt the killer blow to the mastery that sin has over us. We no longer have to give in to sin. We aren’t slaves to it. We have a new nature, and a new power – by the Holy Spirit living in us – to help us to stop sinning.

At this point you might be thinking “How is that good news? That just makes me feel even more guilty when I do mess up!”

Stick with us.

In Romans Paul is also very realistic about the Christian life. He makes it clear that while we are no longer slaves to sin, there is also a part of our hearts that still sends us towards sin’s cruel jaws. There’s a battle that goes on in the Christian heart that we don’t always win – sometimes we do give in to sin. That’s why Paul has to urge us to “count yourselves dead to sin”. He wouldn’t have to remind us of this if the battle with sin was a foregone conclusion. So we have to reason with ourselves, and remind ourselves that we can live differently. He says “do not let sin reign in your mortal body” – implication: there’s a choice – the battle with sin is part of the normal Christian life.

So there’s two bits of good news to this. One is that the battle you face as you seek to parent in a gospel-centred way, aren’t unexpected. The times you mess up aren’t don’t mean you’re not a proper Christian. This is part of the reality of the Christian life.

But the second bit of good news is this: you can change. You’re union with Jesus means that sin no longer has mastery over you. Inadequacy as a parent can gradually change over time. Our old self was crucified with Jesus, we live with him – change really is possible! Cling to that as you bemoan the reality of your parenting today.

Good News For Failures

But what good news does the gospel speak to us when the guilt of not living up to expectations weighs on us?

The ‘Parenting Law’ that we fail to live up to will be different for each one of us. It is a system that we have each invented to measure ourselves against. The commandments include our preferences for the nutrition, development and behaviour of our children; they include other people’s expectations and opinions of us; they will include some godly morals; and most impossible of all – they include a desire to be self-sufficient and perfect in our own eyes.

We will fail to live up to it. Sometimes we’ll really be crushed by the fact – we wanted to keep the law! Other times we despise the law and want to throw it out the window – let’s eat a double honeycombe sugar waffle beast with a flake! We’ll grovel in self-pity, we’ll excuse and justify our actions, we’ll criticise others, and we’ll believe that doing these things will make us feel better. But they won’t.

It’s interesting that the “Part-time working mummy” felt the need to share her experience on social media. What we think she was looking for is for other people to acquit her of her guilt. For other people to tell her that her actions were justified, that she is a good mum, that she can still be accepted in the parenting world.

When we mess up, we crave acquittal. We want to be declared “not guilty.” We want to be loved and accepted again. But there’s only really one opinion of us that truly matters – and there’s only one acquittal which can truly make us feel clean, forgiven, accepted and loved unconditionally. It’s the opinion of God. Hundreds of likes for a status on facebook may feel comforting, but it doesn’t bring true and lasting comfort. But we have good news – God loves to declare people “not guilty.” There’s nothing that God loves more than a broken person coming to his son Jesus for forgiveness, and whoever comes to Jesus for forgiveness will always be given it. That’s where Paul’s line of reasoning gets to in Romans. In chapter 8 he says this:

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ²because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”

There is an alternative option to condemnation and comparison! There is a soothing balm for our soul when we’re bruised by our own sense of inadequacies. Jesus is our remedy!

As Christian’s we are free to own our sin. When we are confronted by our failings (whether superficial or major) we can own up to it. We don’t need to deny it. We don’t need to be crushed by it. Not only is it an expected reality of the Christian life, but God sees it, justifies us in the midst of it and offers us grace and acceptance rather than condemnation. Then he slowly, by his Spirit, changes us.

We don’t need to shift the blame. We are sinners and we are broken.

But we have a saviour!

Jesus has delivered us. He has set us free from the law of sin and death. How? By living a perfect life in 100% obedience to God’s moral law, and dying in the place of messed up people, as our substitute.

Jesus received God’s judgement in our place and we go free.

We’re forgiven, but not just that, we are given all of Jesus’ perfection. When God looks at us, he doesn’t see sinful people – he sees people clothed in the perfection of his son. There is no condemnation for us – only love, acceptance, hope and freedom! What good news!

So, next time we feel the pang of guilt because we did something we’re ashamed of, let’s not feel condemned, let’s not excuse our behaviour in a comparison game, let’s run to Jesus.

¹⁵For we do not have a high priest who is unable to feel sympathy for our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin. ¹⁶Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

– Hebrews 4:15-16

Review: Word Alive With A Toddler

Scott and Cathy Reviews April 25, 2016September 23, 2016 0 Comment

If you follow us on twitter then you might have seen that a couple of weeks ago we were at Word Alive, a Christian Conference in Prestatyn. As it was our first time there with a toddler in tow, we thought we would do something a bit different on the blog this week and post a few reflections on how it went.

Word Alive is advertised as “a holiday for life” with:

Enduring Bible teaching
Space to relax and have fun
Exciting and creative kids work
Inspiring worship

Here’s their promo video for the 2017 event to give you a taste of what they’re about:

So, did it live up to expectations? And importantly, was attending with a child a success?

In this post we want to give you a taste of what Word Alive is, how we practically approached it with a toddler, what is great about Word Alive, and what are some of the more tricky things you might need to factor into your thinking. If you’re not familiar with it as a conference, we hope this post will go some of the way to help you decide whether it’s something for you in the future. Feel free to post any questions or comments at the end.

Well, before we start the review, we should perhaps lay our cards on the table. We have been faithful punters at Word Alive ever since adolescence. The conference was really significant for us:

Early on in our Christian lives: as we realised that there are many thousands of Christians in the UK, and that there are lots of great Bible teachers out there besides the wonderful pastor who brought us to Christ and discipled us (shout-out to Paul Lintott – evangelist, pastor, father-figure and dear friend). It widened our vision of what’s going on in the church in the UK, and across the world.

As more mature Christians: it helped deepen our convictions through some excellent and life-changing teaching, like Graham Beynon’s seminars on the end times *, Jerry Bridges on “The Discipline of Grace“* and Michael Reeves on the Trinity *. (All of whom have books on the topics – follow the links to get your hands on them).

As members of the student team: stewarding during the mornings and meeting to pray with university students in the afternoon. A wonderful time of blessing and encouragement.

As young lovers (well, sort of): Scott declared his affection Cathy at Word Alive 2009 – after Cathy telling him that he’d been acting weird! (For the full version of events contact Cathy!)

As witnesses of God’s saving grace: as Cathy’s brother and sister-in-law made the decision to follow Jesus at Word Alive in April 2014 for the very first time.

So just putting it out there – we love Word Alive! But we have tried to remain objective in this review nonetheless. Now for the review…

The Review

Word Alive is a 6 day conference (in reality two half-days and 4 full days) based on a Pontins holiday park in Prestatyn. The conference has a packed and varied teaching programme which you can pick and choose from, with main sessions in the mornings and evenings and lots of seminars in the afternoons. There are also plenty of facilities to use on site: a swimming pool; beach access; adventure playground etc. At the centre of the site there is a large bookstall, a couple of coffee stands (serving decent, fairtrade coffee) and an area for stands from different Christian organisations and missionary societies.

As well as the daytime sessions there is an after hours programme, meaning you could cram your day with sessions from 8am right through to the early hours. (Perhaps students might think that’s a good idea, but parents of young children would certainly take a more leisurely approach to the week!)

There are two options when it comes to Word Alive – to stay onsite (in a Pontins chalet) or offsite. We’ve done both in our time, but this year we stayed offsite. We rented accommodation in Rhyl (a 20 minute drive away) and bought wristbands (£150 per adult, children under 2 go free) to access the conference.

Because of the commute to the conference, we made the most of the days:

From 9.30-11am Reuben would go into his kids club, which was equipped with a ball pool, mountains of toys and lots of smiley helpers. Meanwhile Scott and I would go to the morning Bible readings on Job by Vaughan Roberts.

From 11am- 2pm we would take Reu to a friend’s caravan (also offsite, but only a 5 minute walk away) to feed him his lunch and put him down for a nap. Yes, we are very rigid with the naptimes at the moment – we’re desperately trying to keep them going as long as possible, to ease the transition from one to two children when little Thomson number 2 arrives.

From 2-3.15pm Reu would go back to his club for another session of fun, while Scott and I went to seminars by Graham Beynon on “How to handle money in your hearts and with your hands”… or sometimes we just went for coffee with old friends!

From 3.15-5pm we would make the most of the free onsite facilities, taking Reu to the adventure playground, bouncy castle and inflatable slide. We didn’t even manage to make it to the beach or swimming pool – but they are other child-friendly options which are easily and freely available to you.

From 5pm-8pm we would go back to our accommodation (we were staying with two other families, with 6 kids between them – so there was plenty of fun and hyperactivity to keep all entertained!), eat tea, bath Reu and put him to bed.

From 8pm onwards one or two parents would stay in to look after all of the sleeping kiddies while the other adults went back to Word Alive for the 8.30pm celebration.

So that’s how we structured our days with a toddler. Did it work?

Kids club

We were really impressed by the kids work at Word Alive. Reuben went into “Shells” a group for kids who were 1 year 10 months to 2 years 6 months (so totally tailored to that age group). Reuben had never been in any child-care where he didn’t personally know the adults before and yet he settled into it really well. For Reu to go into the care of strangers for nearly three hours a day, and for him to enjoy it so much, is a real testimony to the team of helpers! Reu was sometimes a bit clingy when we had to say goodbye to him, but he was always totally engrossed in playing when we went to pick him up. The leaders did age-appropriate crafts with the toddlers on the same topic that we were looking at in Job. They also tried to teach them a memory verse using actions (since speaking in sentences is a bit tricky at this stage). Very cute!

Kids work at Word Alive caters for children aged 3 months – 18 years. If you are staying offsite and buying visitor passes the cost is:
– Free (0-2 year olds)
– £75 (3-18 year olds)
There is a family celebration at 5.30pm every evening.

Teaching for us

We went to the morning Bible Readings by Vaughan Roberts on Job. In light of the difficulties that we have faced over the last year, it was really helpful to hear a series which was dealing with suffering in the life of a believer. Vaughan did an excellent job of explaining what can be a controversial and complex book in a very accessible and engaging way. He did so with a pastoral heart. Music was led by Christ Church Mayfair who picked some reflective songs to help us respond to what we were learning. There was also a prayer team available to help individuals reflect on what is a very emotive issue. The childcare provision enabled us to engage fully with the teaching and get a lot out of it.

We went to some afternoon seminars on the topic of “How to handle money in your hearts and with your hands” by Graham Beynon (there’s also a book on this * which we’re sure will be great but as we’ve not read we can’t personally recommend it). We found these seminars really helpful in getting us to evaluate our attitude to money and to begin the ongoing conversation about how we can use our money in a more godly way as a couple. His seminars were based on the ideas found in his book.

We went to several of the 8:30pm evening celebrations. In these celebrations there is an extended time for worship as well as the Bible talk. These meetings are live streamed on Youtube so on the evenings when we couldn’t physically be in the big marquee we still followed the session from the comfort of our accommodation. Speakers included Graham Daniels, Dave Gobbett, Dai Hankey, Julian Hardyman and others. The sessions were based in John’s gospel, looking at the “I Am” statements.

The teaching programme at Word Alive really is (in our opinion and experience) unparalleled to anything else on offer in the UK. Alongside the general sessions were specific seminars and sessions for international students, people with disabilities and students. As well as this whole range of practical topics were covered this year, including how the gospel applies to marriage, singleness, social media, money, church leadership, dementia and much more.

Facilities

This year Word Alive had arranged with Pontins for us to be able to use all the onsite facilities for free, rather than having to pay for additional extras like in years gone by. Reu enjoyed the giant inflatable slide, the bouncy castle and outdoor adventure playground. He was too little to enjoy the fairground rides, go-karts and crazy golf but we’re sure he’ll love these as he gets older. As we mentioned before we didn’t make it (i.e. were too lazy!) to go swimming or to the beach but those facilities are free and on your doorstep. Now to be honest, we didn’t go swimming partly out of laziness, but also partly because the pool gets very busy as do the changing rooms, which can make the experience stressful with a toddler. As a remedy to this, Word Alive did provide a toddler-only time in the pool and on the giant inflatables in the schedule every day. We couldn’t go then because it clashed with Reu’s nap time, but we’re sure that lots of parents benefitted from this.

The Pontins chalets are notoriously basic, with the cheapest option having only a bath and no shower in the bathroom. A six-person chalet contains two bedrooms with twin beds and a sofa bed in the kitchen/living room. The sofa beds are not comfortable. There is nothing luxurious about the on-site accommodation, even the most expensive chalets are pretty basic. But despite this, the onsite accommodation gets booked up almost immediately when booking opens 10 months ahead of the event itself, which is testament to the fantastic programme on offer. Word Alive has been based on this Pontins site for several years now and punters are fully aware that they aren’t going on a luxury holiday; instead they are booking onto a spiritual retreat where there will be fantastic preaching, worship and fun times for the family. If you haven’t been before, but are planning on booking for next year, you’ll have a great time, but now you know about accommodation so you can’t be shocked!

Price

The big drawback to Word Alive with a family is the cost. The cost of a chalet includes your accommodation and your tickets for the event. That makes the event good value for money if you have 6 adults staying in your 6 person chalet. However, if you need a 6 person chalet for a family of 4 (let’s say the two kids share one room and the two adults share the other so that no one has to sleep on the uncomfortable sofa bed) it’s the same cost, so suddenly you are paying a huge amount of money for the luxury of just sleeping in a bed (while effectively having 4 spare event tickets!)

If we decide to go next year then both Reuben and our baby will be free – neither will need passes to go into the kids work. So the cost of the event for two adults (in terms of wristbands) is £300. Yet we would have to pay a minimum of £895 for our chalet and 6 adult wristbands. This system doesn’t really seem to work, in our minds. If Word Alive were able to factor in the age of your children while booking your place at the event, this would reduce the overall chalet price if you have children and/or infants. This would mean their takings would be less, however, so the income would have to come from elsewhere. We don’t envy those who have to make these difficult decisions! It does seem, however, that the price is much more prohibitive for families than for adults, and sadly we know quite a number of families who have had to stop going to Word Alive because they simply can’t afford it. We wish there was a different way of pricing it.

Now having said this, we do want to say more positively that it is commendable how affordable Word Alive makes the event for students. There are also discounted chalets for people on a low-income. So if you are a family on a low-income then don’t automatically assume you can’t go, it may be much more affordable than you think.

For middle-income families, staying offsite in a caravan and buying wristbands may be a more affordable (and probably more comfortable) option for you.

Conclusion

If you can afford it, then we would highly recommend Word Alive with a toddler. Providing your child is happy to go into the childcare groups then it will be a refreshing, energising, nourishing retreat which will enable you to set aside a good block of time to grow in your relationship with God. Word Alive claims that is “is a holiday for every day, where getting away from it all is about being equipped and energised to get back to it all.” On that promise, it absolutely delivers. We came back refreshed and ready to keep on living for Jesus in our ordinary lives. Yes it’s an expensive holiday, but if you see it as an investment both in your own walk with Jesus and your child’s, you’ll reap the rewards in the months and years that follow.

Will we be going back next year? Oh we hope so! Time to start saving the pennies…

We’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you been to Word Alive? What did you think? Have you been with a toddler or children of different ages? How did you find it? Do you have experiences from another conference you could share? Please comment on this post and share your thoughts!

Gospel In The Everyday: Spring

Scott and Cathy Gospel In The Everyday April 11, 2016March 13, 2018 2 Comments

This post is part of our “Gospel In The Everyday” series. Read our introduction to the series here.

Spring has sprung.

Hallelujah!

This winter was our first with a toddler – it felt like it lasted years not months! Seemingly endless rain, wind and bleak grey days forced us to spend many a Saturday in an artificially lit, soulless soft-play centre. Don’t get us wrong, we love soft play – our little one is occupied while we eat cake: what’s not to love?! But surely most would prefer to sit outside a stately home in the pleasant afternoon sun – cuppa in one hand, scone in the other? (Yes we are being stereotypically British here… but we’re unashamed).

So, given the recent upturn in weather, we’ve really been trying to make the most of it.

Daffodils, ducklings, blue skies! It’s almost like we feel more human by being able to step outside and feel the sun on our face, the grass beneath our feet and the stick in our mouth (no we don’t have a dog – it’s the child who’s partial to a good stick at the moment).

Speaking About God Through Spring

One of the greatest joys of spring, however, is the opportunity it gives us to talk about God.

God’s attributes are wonderfully displayed by the beauty of this season:

He’s kind and generous, giving us good gifts like sunshine and cherry blossom.
He’s creative, designing the intricacy of the bluebells and marigolds.
He delights in beauty and is the source of all pleasure, as seen in the frolicking of the lambs and the dance of the bumble bees as they skip and bounce across the meadow flowers.

So much about this season indicates joy and life – fauna and flora are teeming, wiggling, bursting with life – and all of this points to the kind and generous character of the mastermind behind it.

Worship Through Spring

In case you’re thinking that using these things to talk about God is overdoing it a bit, consider this: Worship happens all the time on a sunny day in Britain.

“Isn’t this weather glorious!”

“Oh look at the baby animals, aren’t they gorgeous!”

“Strawberries! Yummy!”

But often, if we look into our hearts, our worship is of the things themselves. And we can very easily pass that on to our children too. We sometimes fail to see that these good gifts all point to the self-giving, delightful creator behind them. As the puritan Jonathan Edwards said, the universe is “full of images of divine things, as full as a language is of words.” So if spring is so beautiful, then just imagine how lovely he is!

Why not determine, next time you experience one of these joys of spring with your children, to point them to the glorious giver behind it?

“Look at the little ducklings that God made, aren’t they beautiful!”

“God loves to give us things like strawberries, because he loves to see us enjoying delicious things – that’s just the sort of God he is.”

“Look at the variety of the things that God has made – those graceful butterflies, and this slimy, wiggly worm, he’s so inventive!”

This is all exciting, but we think we can go even further.

Spring And The Gospel

More than simply talking about attributes of God from spring, there are also opportunities to chat about the gospel.

In spring we see a powerful illustration of the resurrection.

Winter can be bleak. Chilly winds, snow-laden scenes, hibernating animals and naked trees. The darkness creeps into the daytime, pushing the daylight out. All around is death and decay, as many plants and wildlife don’t survive the drop in temperatures. The frost comes to kill, and it comes to stay for months on end.

But then one day, after a long silence, when light and life are almost forgotten, new life suddenly begins to break through. Buds appear on the tree. Green shoots start to poke through the hard ground. The birds find their voices once again. Rays of sun break through the clouds, the temperatures rise, and we all know the seasons are changing and spring is on the way.

C.S. Lewis captures this beautifully in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Enjoy this quote below of when the White Witch’s curse of an endless winter is suddenly broken by Aslan’s presence.

“Every moment the patches of green grew bigger and the patches of snow grew smaller. Every moment more and more of the trees shook off their robes of snow. Soon, wherever you looked, instead of white shapes you saw the dark green of firs or the black prickly branches of bare oaks and beeches and elms. Then the mist turned from white to gold and presently cleared away all together. Shafts of delicious sunlight struck down onto the forest floor and overhead you could see a blue sky between the tree tops […] “This is no thaw,” said the dwarf, suddenly stopping. “This is Spring. What are we to do? Your winter has been destroyed, I tell you! This is Aslan’s doing!”

Through allegory, C.S. Lewis cleverly plays with how winter turning to spring pictures the coming of Jesus. It’s a beautiful scene. It’s a scene followed by the stone table which makes spring possible.

Winter turns to spring because of the reality that the stone table represents.

Do you remember that reality? Do you remember that scene? Let’s go there now.

Early one morning, while the dew was still on the ground, and the morning mist lingered in the air, a band of heart-broken women journeyed to the tomb of a beloved friend. They had come to love this friend deeply, they had followed his teaching, supported his ministry out of their own means, experienced his demeanor of gentleness, acceptance and love. They had come to believe that this teacher was God’s Messiah. But, just a few days before this, the unthinkable had happened. Their beloved leader had been brutally executed on a Roman cross. They had seen the way the sneering Pharisees had falsely accused Jesus, how the jeering crowds heckled for his execution, how the mocking soldiers viciously taunted and assaulted him, and how after all this, he had been nailed to a wooden cross to suffocate to death. The sun was eclipsed. The source of life had been mercilessly killed.

But the story didn’t end there.

As the women approached the tomb they were filled with confusion. The stone blocking the entrance of the tomb had been rolled away. The tomb was empty. Jesus was gone. Mary Magdalene spoke to the gardener through tear-filled eyes. “We are looking for our Master and we do not know where they have put him.” The gardener simply replied with one word, “Mary.”

At that moment, her world was changed forever.

She recognized that voice. The man standing before her was he. Jesus was alive! The impossible had happened. Grief turned to joy. Death turned to life.

It is the best possible ending (or beginning) to an epic story. The resurrection gives believers hope. Jesus has defeated sin and death and hell. When death touches the son of God, death itself dies.

Through this death and resurrection, we too have the hope of resurrection. We have hope that we who are dead in sin can be made alive. And spring beautifully reminds us of this.

Spring declares new life, resurrection hope, life emerging from death.

As the light nights return, we’re reminded of the certainty that the darkness in our hearts is being dispelled by the light of the world.

As the green shoots break through, we’re reminded of the green shoots of new life in our hearts as the Spirit transforms us.

As the Sun heats up and hard ground begins to melt, we’re reminded that the Son has broken through the clouds, and our frozen hearts are being melted.

Winter is over. Spring has come. Aslan is on the move.

Why not point your children to the gospel this spring?

“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”

1 Corinthians 15:55-57

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved.”

Ephesians 2:5

Spring has sprung.

Hallelujah!

4 Great Blog Posts We Think You Should Read

Scott and Cathy Round-ups, Uncategorized April 4, 2016August 16, 2018 2 Comments

This week we thought we’d do something a little different, and direct you to four great blog posts that we’ve read recently and thought you might like! We’d love for you to comment with any posts we’ve missed that you think we should read.

Parenting: The Joyful Impossibility, by Paul David Tripp

We love so much of Paul Tripp’s stuff. This is a great post which wonderfully reminds us of the need for God’s grace in parenting – both for us and for our children.

Worst Case Scenario , by A Certain Brightness

As you may have read in our “About Us” page, we were heartbroken to suffer two miscarriages last year. We lost count of how many times we read this post during some of the darkest times during that period. It was a battle to not let dread fill our hearts or blanch the colour from our picture of the future. This gospel-centred post encouraged us to look up to him who is faithful, even as our eyes brimmed with tears.

What A Comedian Taught Me About Parenting, by Kevin DeYoung

This light-hearted post reminds us to savour the fun and the joys of parenting young children.

First Time Moms: 5 Reasons to Relax, by The Gospel-Centered Mom

Another humourous post to finish – this is a great post if you are a first-time parent (or know someone who is). Don’t worry, what you’re feeling is normal! It’s light-hearted, honest and accurate.

Gospel In The Everyday

Scott and Cathy Gospel In The Everyday March 28, 2016January 7, 2018 11 Comments

What do you talk to your children about?

I’d imagine for most of us the conversations that we have with our children range from the sublime to the ridiculous!

Perhaps your conversation with children involves you asking them what they did at school, and them replying “nothing”? Isn’t it strange that they never do anything – you’d think someone would have noticed by now!

It could be that you talk to them about what they’re doing at that particular time – narrating their life as it happens (just in case they happen to miss something!)

Or maybe it’s simply telling them what they need to do (or not do!) “Please pick up that entire car collection that you’ve just dumped on the floor and spread across the house.” “Please don’t stand up while I change this impossibly pooey nappy.” “DO NOT put everything smaller than your fist into your mouth!”

Depending on the age of your children, the things that you talk to them about will no doubt vary.

Speaking About The Gospel

But how easy do you find it to speak to your children about Christian things? How easy, in general day-to-day life, do you find it to speak the truths of the gospel into your child’s life?

The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones*

We’re not talking about the set aside times that you may have with your children to disciple them – perhaps a family devotion, or a time of Bible-reading and prayer before bed. Those are wonderfully precious and important times for the spiritual nurturing of our children. At some point we’ll definitely have some musings on different children’s Bibles etc.

Rather, we’re talking about speaking about God – chatting about the gospel and a Christian understanding of the world in the normal activities of life – as we go about living in the day-to-day.

Speaking to our children about the gospel in this way isn’t something that necessarily comes naturally to many of us, but most would like to do it more often and more naturally. We certainly would.

In light of this we thought we would, from time-to-time, publish a new entry to a series of blog posts called “Gospel in the Everyday”, to help all of us think about how we might do this.

The Biblical Basis For Gospel In The Everyday

The Bible teaches that God has fashioned and ordered the world in such a way that the things we encounter in it speak to us of him and his attributes. Here’s what King David says in Psalm 19:

“The heavens declare the glory of God;
    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
    night after night they reveal knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
    no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
    their words to the ends of the world.”

Do you see what he’s saying there? He’s saying that God has designed the world to reveal something about himself. It’s what’s known in theology as “general revelation” (as opposed to “special revelation” – God’s supernatural, deeper and fuller revelation of himself in the Bible and ultimately in Jesus). God is speaking – not audibly, but speaking nonetheless, through his world. We just need to be listening in order to hear it.

Here’s how Paul says it in Romans 1:

“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities
– his eternal power and divine nature –
have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made”

What does this mean for our parenting? It means that as we go about life, we are bombarded with opportunities to speak to our children about God. But often we’re so used to ignoring these signs ourselves that we find it difficult to interpret them and speak of them. But they are there.

They are there as we encounter the beauty of a creation that speaks of the splendour of the God who created it.
They are there as we feast our eyes on the rich palette of colour of an autumn day which speaks of a God who isn’t simply pragmatic, but loves to create beautiful things for our enjoyment.
They are there in the culture we engage with (even children’s TV and films!), in which image-bearing humans seek to represent truth as they offer interpretations of general revelation (without even realizing it).
They are there in the chaging seasons; in a sunset; in a beautiful gospel-mirroring act of kindness; in a simple glass of water.

The Example Of Jesus

Jesus took this even further. Very often Jesus simply observed the world around him and drew parallels to spiritual truth. It’s fascinating to look at the way that Jesus engaged with the physical things of the world and used them to talk about matters of spiritual significance. But as Jesus engaged with the creation, he often drew out much more than we’d normally expect from simple “general revelation”. General revelation can never reveal to us the gospel or knowledge for salvation. But Jesus, as the source of special revelation, was able to take these things much further, and draw out the depths of the gospel as he went about his day to day life in creation. He did it all the time. Here are just a few examples:

Using water, with the woman at the well (Jn 4:1-42);
Using agricultural observations with the parable of the sower (Mk 4:1-20);
Using the unworried, but nevertheless fed and clothed, ravens and lilies (Lk 12:22-34);
Using salt and light, in the Sermon on the Mount (Mt 5:13-16).
Using bread and wine, at the Last Supper (Lk 22:7-23)

We are fortunate as Christians that we can use “special revelation” (the Bible and Jesus) to guide and add depth to our interpretation of “general revelation”. As fallen humans, general revelation is never able to give us saving knowledge (Romans 1 and elsewhere makes that clear). But we who have saving knowledge can engage with the things of general revelation and draw out echoes and glimpses of the gospel (just like Paul does in Acts 17, and elsewhere). What a joy to be able to do that day-to-day with our children as we go about life with them.

That’s exactly what this series of posts aims to help us do. The aim is to get us – Scott and Cathy – thinking (and hopefully help you to think, too) about how, in the everyday interactions with the world that we share with our children, we can point them to truths about who God is, and share with them the truths of the gospel. We’ve gone fairly deep into the theology behind this series in this introductory post to show why we’re doing this, but the future posts in this series will be very practical, looking at specific opportunities we might have with our children.

We hope you find them helpful!

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What’s the church’s role in raising a child?

Scott and Cathy Uncategorized March 21, 2016January 13, 2019 1 Comment

It Takes A Village To Raise A Child

We’ve probably all heard of the African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child”. Most of us quite like it as a sentiment.

Becoming a new parent suddenly sheds light on how useful and necessary to survival your parents and friends are… for respite; for bringing food round after the birth; for being supportive and kind when you’re hormonal, sleep-deprived and in your pyjamas. The support that friends and family can give (for those of us who are fortunate to have these people around us) is deeply appreciated. In the days and weeks after our first child was born, we relied on family and friends in a way that we had never previously done so before. We were in a state of shock! As such, we were very thankful for the cake, cups of tea and company (well, most of the time!).

The midwife, health visitor and doctor constantly asked us during pregnancy and post-partum appointments, “Do you have good support around you?” and “Do you have family and friends close by?”

Now that we have a child, we know why. We definitely needed them. And though the kind of support we need changes over time, the need never goes away.

So yes, a village. A support network. Family and friends are definitely super helpful when raising a child, at least that’s definitely the case for us. And we’re so thankful for that help.

How Does The Church Fit In?

But does the same thing apply to the church? Do we really need the church to help us raise a child? How does that relationship work?

Something we found when reading resources on Christian parenting was that the main focus was on the family unit for evangelism and discipleship of our children. We’d want to commend this outlook – we would definitely say that family unit is the primary place where a child should be discipled.

It seems that these books are trying to correct a tendency for Christian parents to outsource discipleship to church youth leaders and Sunday school teachers. But our reflection is that the New Testament view of church is something much more holistic, much more inclusive, and much more collective. The family unit doesn’t seem to be the central feature of the New Testament – Christ and his bride, the church family, is. By church we’re not talking about an institution, but the people of God. God’s family. The community of believers.

There are (apparently) 100 uses of the word ἀλλήλων “one another” in the New Testament. These are commands given to the church family about how they are to live together. If you were looking for themes about what they are largely about, then loving each other, and the importance of unity in the church rank pretty high. Here are some examples:

Be devoted to one another in love (Ro 12:10)

Regard one another as more important than yourselves (Php 2:3)

Bear one another’s burdens (Ga 6:2)

Speak truth to one another (Ep 4:25)

Encourage and build one another up (1 Th 5:11)

Be hospitable to one another (1 Pe 4:9)

Be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving to one another (Ep 4:32)

In the glory days of the early church here’s how this happened:

”They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer[…]Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favour of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”

(Acts 2v42; 46-47)

The community of believers were hanging out together, reading the Bible together, praying together and eating together.

Every day.

So what were the children up to?

Presumably they were involved too.

Assuming that the church community is a place for children, and assuming that God’s plan for his church is the regular fellowship of Christians… what does it look like for our children to be loved, encouraged, served, accepted etc by the church? What does it look like for us to do these “one anothers” for other people’s children?

Practically Living This Out

Here are a few practical ideas.

Invite other people’s children into your life. Have a whole family round for lunch, or take another child from church swimming when you’re already going. Plan to invite another family from church along to an activity you’ve got planned – maybe going for a walk, or visiting the local museum. Organise a group to come round and watch the latest sports match, and invite some of the older children from church to join in. Arrange to have coffee once a fortnight with one of the teenagers in church who shares some similar interests with you.

Why not think about something you could do this next week to get to know some of the other children in church? Writing this has prompted us to think about how we can, with God’s help, be better at this too – we’ve come up with some practical steps that we’re going to take.

As all this happens, children have the opportunity to witness Christian community in action, and to experience the “one anothers” taking place.

One of the things we love about our church is how our weekly mid-week meeting seeks to include children. Each week we start at 6pm so the children can eat with us and be involved for the first half of our time together. Sometimes this is slightly chaotic, but it’s great to feel we are getting to know the children, and that they’re part of the church community. This, alongside an intentionality to share life outside of more “formal” meetings, means that the children are increasingly becoming part of our church community. How could you do this with people at your church?

In all of this, here’s the crucial ingredient: as you do these things, be intentional to chat to the children. Don’t just settle for children socialising with children, and adults with adults. Chat to the children. Get to know them. Find out what’s important to them. Find out what they hope for, what they fear, what is going on in their lives right now. Understand them. Share age-appropriate things about your life too. And as you go, speak the truth of the gospel into the situations they face – both the joys and the struggles. Show them how the gospel is impacting the way you go about life, and the way you respond to situations. Pray with them.

The Apologetic Of Love

In John 13:35, Jesus is addressing his disciples for one of the last times before he goes to the cross. What he says here is really significant. He says this:

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

What’s he saying there? He’s saying that one of the primary ways that onlookers will see that we love and follow Jesus is this: by witnessing Christian community in practice. By seeing us loving one another.

What is true for our neighbours, colleagues, friends and relatives must also be true for our children.

We want to expose our children to the nitty-gritty of church life. We want them not solely to be farmed out to children-specific church programmes (though they have their place), but to be involved in the inter-generational, cross-cultural, socio-economic-divide-crossing network of relationships – to witness us doing the “one anothers”, and to be on the receiving (and ultimately giving!) end of them too.

We want them to see us self-sacrificially serve and love one another, just like Jesus.

We want them to witness our church family speaking deeply into one another’s lives about how the gospel impacts every area of life.

We want them to see that when we fall out we respond in a godly way as we extend grace and forgive one another, just like Jesus.

As they do, they see and experience a powerful apologetic for the gospel. And when they (Lord willing) become believers, they grow and are discipled in Christian community. They develop a robust, deep and broad view of how the gospel shapes every area of life. All of this takes place as our church families play their part in the raising of our children.

In writing this we’ve seen in ourselves a tendency to gravitate towards speaking to and spending time with adults when around church family. We really do believe, however, that we have a wonderful opportunity to invest in the lives of the children in our church, and so will be seeking to increasingly take these opportunities in future.

So these are our thoughts. The family unit is the primary place for the discipleship of our children. But the church can and should play an exciting and important part in displaying and proclaiming the gospel to our children, and raising them to be those who love Jesus and see how his kindness and grace wonderfully impacts everything.

What do you think? Why not share in the comments below your positive experiences of this, and ideas you have for how this be worked out in practice?

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