I (Cathy) think mine has to be Peter. He’s impulsive, he’s passionate, he’s a blundering follower of Jesus – and I can see a lot of myself in him.
The Good Book Company has released a new children’s book, and we love it – “The Friend Who Forgives: A true story about how Peter failed and Jesus forgave”.
It’s a beautifully illustrated hardback book (roughly A4 size) which tells the story of the friendship between Peter and Jesus. It tracks the story from when Jesus called Peter to be a fisher of men, to how Peter witnessed his miracles, believed that Jesus was the son of God and grew in his faith. It goes on to depict the sad betrayal of Peter as he denies knowing Jesus, again and again and again. And then it wonderfully shows how Jesus forgives bumbling Peter and gives him a chance to tell Jesus that he loves him, again and again and again. This full and free forgiveness transforms Peter into a bold fisher of men who tells many people that they too can be forgiven by Jesus, again and again and again.
It’s a great story of personal transformation through encountering Jesus, and it shows Jesus’ willingness to offer everyone full and free forgiveness.
We’ve triple-tested the book now, we’ve read it to our sons the last 3 nights in a row and they LOVE it. Our 2 year old likes pointing out the bright and engaging pictures (although he does get a little disengaged by the end… but he has only just turned two!). Our 4 year old follows the story line, is finishing off the sentences with gusto and giggles at the humourous illustrations. We asked our 4 year old what he’s learnt from the book, and he said with a huge grin on his face that “eating fish for breakfast is weird!”, which is one of the funny lines from the book. Thankfully that’s not all he’s taken from it – he understands too that it is Jesus who forgives, and that he was even willing to forgive his friend Peter.
The book will be well read in our household. The good book company recommend it for 2 to 6 year olds – like we said it’s perhaps a little long for fidgety 2 year olds (like ours), but we can definitely see children up to 6 loving it, and perhaps a bit beyond… we’re going to try it on our 5 year old niece tomorrow.
What’s great about it is that it communicates important theology and a brilliant true story, and it does so in an engaging and fun way. We recommend it as a gift for 4-6 year olds, it will go down a treat.
It’s a thumbs up from us!
You can purchase your copy here, The Friend who Forgives*. If you do, let us know what you think!
Just so you know, we received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher. We haven’t let this colour our reflections on it – we hope this is still a fair review!
“I was awake for 4 hours last night with my child – I can barely string a sentence together, never mind formulate a prayer.”
“I yelled at them again – I just feel too guilty to pray.”
“I’ve been asking God to change my child’s behaviour in that area for so long, I no longer feel it’s worthwhile to pray.”
“Pray? When do you expect me to do that? I haven’t even got time to brush my teeth!”
Praying for our children can sometimes feel far from easy. The obstacles to prayer seem to just keep building up. Whether it’s busyness, guilt, tiredness, disappointment, or even something else, it’s often easy to feel that prayer is off the cards for us as parents.
But all of these things tell us that we’re forgetting something crucial about prayer. All of these feelings show us that we’re forgetting that:
Prayer isn’t a job to do.
Getting the hearing from God in prayer isn’t a right we earn through our good works.
Prayer isn’t a performance that must be eloquent and articulate.
Prayer doesn’t need to be something that we only do in a set aside time of quiet, with a lit candle on our knees in the quiet of a special place.
Fundamentally, we’re forgetting this:
God is our Father.
He’s our Dad. He loves us. He wants to hear from us. Like any good parent, he doesn’t expect a polished statement when we come to him – incoherent mutterings will do – he just wants to hear from us. Jesus makes our prayers acceptable.
God is our Father.
He’s our Dad. He loves us. He doesn’t want us to make ourselves good enough to come before him – somehow showing we’re worthy enough to gain a hearing (as if we could!). Jesus gives us all the goodness we need.
God is our Father.
He’s our Dad. He loves us. And as such, he knows what’s right for us. So even though we may have prayed about this thing a hundred times before, he wants to hear from us again, because he knows the perfect timing to answer our prayers. Jesus is in the business of bringing glory to our Dad – it might be through answering our prayer this time, or it might be through the patience and compassion he’s developing in us by making us wait.
God is our Father.
He’s our Dad. He loves us. Though he loves it when we set aside time devoted to him, he also loves it when we remember him in the middle of our frantic lives and chat to him as we go. Jesus has torn down the barrier to our Dad so that we can approach his throne with confidence, whether we’re in a quiet place, a playgroup, on the toilet or cooking dinner.
When we remember who we’re praying to – ourFather who loves us – then prayer is easy. It’s a delight. Because we know we can come to him wherever we are, whatever is going on. We can come to him, knowing that he’s for us, that his goal is our good, which is for his glory.
This post was inspired by the first chapter of Tim Chester’s book, “You can pray“, which Scott is reading at the moment. If you want to think more about prayer, we can recommend it so far!*
The gospel is simple enough for a child to understand and yet profound enough that you could spend a lifetime mining it’s depths and barely scratch the surface.
This statement is something which, when believed, opens up a world of exciting avenues to explore – avenues of wonder and joy and faith and life-transforming truth.
When we believe the gospel is filled with glorious riches then we’ll want to do all we can to gain those riches. We’ll want to sell all we have for the pearl of great price.
Gospel-centred parenting is all about bringing the gospel to the centre of parenting (kind of comes with the name, right?). That means we want to dig deep into how the gospel can shape our hearts as parents, as well as the way that we parent.
In light of this, we have a request.
We’d love to hear from you about your pain points.
What are the issues you face in parenting?
What are the things that bring you fear, anxiety and worry?
What are the areas of parenting that you wish you could think through more deeply, or consider how the gospel should shape it?
What are the parenting philosophies that you’ve been reading about that you want to think through from a gospel perspective?
What are the parenting books you’re considering reading that you’d love to read a review of?
We’d love your input on what content we should put on the blog, and so we’d love you to get in touch.
We live in exciting days. Today we are more connected with the rest of the world than we have ever been in history. With affordable air travel, globalisation and crucially, the internet, the world is a smaller and more accessible place.
Not only can we easily go to far-flung parts of our planet, but the world is also on our doorstep. Chances are that in your city many different nationalities are represented, and chances are, these international people can speak or are learning to speak your native language.
The opportunities are unprecedented. The harvest is plentiful.
So, how do we give our children a heart for the people around them?
We think that starts by giving them a love and appreciation for different cultures. It’s incredibly enriching to enjoy the music, food and if possible, the company of people from other nationalities.
Enjoy the culture
If you have people from another country in your church why don’t you invite them round to your home? You could encourage your children to help you make a traditional meal (we’re British, so fish and chips, a Sunday roast, or a breakfast fry-up would be appropriate). You could put on some famous music from your country (perhaps the Beatles for us), and during your time together teach your guests and your children a bit about your culture – the customs, a bit of history, your quirks. For example, as Brits, we like to discuss the weather a lot, we don’t like to express too much emotion (known as having a “stiff-upper lip”) and we like to have a cup of tea after we eat our meal. You could go as far as you like with it, perhaps teaching your children and guests about a significant person in your country’s history who has made a difference for Jesus. Perhaps John Wycliffe, who translated the Bible into the English language, would be a good option for us.
And here comes the really fun bit… why don’t you then invite yourselves around to their house to learn about their culture? Or if they don’t have the space/ resources. You could offer to buy the ingredients, use your own kitchen and get a cookery lesson from your international friends!
The beauty of giving your children a heart for the nations it that it’s actually really fun for all involved and it’s relatively easy to do.
Read all about it
Reading is a wonderful tool for transporting your children (and yourselves!) across the world. Novels, biographies and non-fiction books can give us an understanding and appreciation for places that we’ve never been to before (and may never ever get a chance to explore). One of the excellent benefits of reading to children is that it helps them to develop empathy for the character in the story. Therefore, reading books about people in different cultures and with vastly different lives from ourselves can be extremely challenging and enlightening for our children.
We recently had this book recommended to us Give Your Child the World: Raising Globally Minded Kids One Book at a Time*(only 99p on kindle at the time of writing!).It’s essentially a reading list which takes you to all the continents of the world. It’s got a description of each title, a recommended age (from 4-12 years) and it even tells you if there is religious content that you may want to discuss with your children.
What a brilliant way to introduce your children to a myriad of different cultures, experiences and people groups from the comfort of your own sofa!
Biographies can also be helpful, we recently wrote a blog post on this topic.We are finding that our son is fascinated to learn about Bible smuggling into other countries (Brother Andrew), about a famous athlete becoming a missionary (Eric Liddell), and about men who were willing to live and die in the jungle for people to learn about Jesus (Jim Elliot and friends).
A challenging part of being a parent, is figuring out how to expose our children to the harsh realities of the world, while still inspiring hope in their little souls.
Being part of a local church should help with this, as you pray for missionaries that you partner with, as videos are shown of church plants, the persecuted church and humanitarian crises and as you fund-raise for global causes. All these can facilitate fruitful conversations with our children, and action too as we pray and give.
We recently decided to start learning Spanish as a family (none of us had any previous knowledge of the language!) But it’s one of the easiest languages to learn, it’s widely spoken (in Mainland Spain and Latin America) and Spain is a cheap holiday destination from the UK. We do feel a bit crazy at times, why didn’t we choose French – the language that both parents have a GCSE in?! But then we remind ourselves that it’s just a bit of fun, we’re in it for the long-haul and the benefits will be worth it.
Learning a language is fun, but we’re also motivated by a desire to help our boys have a love for other nationalities. When this post is published we’ll actually be on holiday in Spain. We won’t be having an high-brow conversations in our new language, but we’re taking some baby steps to get the boys communicating with the locals – probably just saying greetings and basic words to the hotel staff. But still, we’re excited to see what fruit comes in the future from these little cross-cultural interactions.
We hope that you’ve found this post inspiring and helpful. We’re so thankful that our God is a cross-cultural, missional God who loves the nations. Here’s a few verses to remind us of his intentions for the world:
700 years before Christ, God promised a Saviour of Israel and the world:
“It is too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of Jacob and bring back those of Israel I have kept. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.” Isaiah 49:6
Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” Matt 28:19
And this is the day that all history is headed for:
“After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands,and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!” Rev 7:9-10
We’d love to hear how you help your children to have a heart for the nations. Please leave any of your tips and wisdom in the comments box below, or if you found this post helpful we’d love it if you would share it on social media.
We’ve just got back from a holiday at Center Parcs. If you’re not from Europe then think of a child’s perfect holiday, and you’re pretty much there. Lodges nestled in the forest, the only modes of transport are foot or bicycle, there’s an enormous “subtropical paradise” swimming park and adventure playgroups galore. It’s a holiday completely filled with things that children love to do.
We went with another family – our friends and their four children. So obviously our boys were absolutely in their element the whole week. Swimming, playing, sleepovers with friends and lots of junk food – there’s no wonder that our four year old asked if he could live there forever. It sounds idyllic. And it kind of was. Apart from the incident…
It happened in a split second. As these things often do.
Our two families were exiting the lodge, but when there’s ten people to leave, it always means that some people are left lingering at the front door for some time. A gaggle of us were just outside the front door. I turned to look back into the house to see if the others were ready to join us when our four year old suddenly shouts, “Mummy! He nearly got ran over!” I looked up to see our almost-two-year-old on the road, about one metre from the bonnet of a white van. Very uncharacteristically (he’s quite shy and clingy) he ran as fast as he could to a big, red, shiny telephone box across the road to look at it – and right into the line of “traffic” (one of the few vehicles on site to help with services). Heart thumping I immediately ran over and scooped him into my arms, strapped him straight into his pram, and immediately burst into floods of tears.
In the privacy of our bedroom I took stock. Nothing had happened. He was perfectly safe. But it was far too close for comfort.
It was a freak incident really. It is unlike our son to ever be more than a metre from clinging onto the legs of one of us. And on a holiday park which prides itself on having no cars – what are the chances of a maintenance vehicle having to stop suddenly when our tiny infant ran across the road?
But it showed me how easily accidents can happen.
It’s scary how easily accidents can happen.
And replaying the incident and the possible outcomes kept me from sleeping that night.
So what does the gospel have to do with this?
Well I guess we’re getting into tricky territory here with God’s sovereignty and human suffering, but here’s two truths we should take away from the incident.
God looks after our children even when we cannot
It’s impossible for us as parents to watch over our children at all times. Even if we are very diligent and only have young children it’s still not possible to protect them from all harm. As children get older it’s even more difficult to guarantee their safety, as they become more independent and take more calculated risks. So what do we do with this unavoidable fact? Wrap them up in cotton wool? Despair and worry?
As Christians we don’t have to do that.
We personally know the creator and sustainer of the universe. He is absolutely in control of every detail of our lives and in control of every atom in the universe. And he’s for us! The awesome creator harnesses his mighty power on our behalf.
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; 6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; 8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
This is such a comforting Psalm. We cannot perfectly watch over our children, but God can, and he does. (We thought more about that in this blog post). I find comfort in the fact that God was in control of the driver of the van spotting our child and braking in time. God answered a prayer that I didn’t even know to say, because I had no idea that the incident was going to happen. Praise him for his kindness and protection!
Even when the worst case scenario happens, we have the hope of eternal life
But we know that because of the brokenness of this world, death does come to each of us. The Israelites who originally sang the song of ascents did truly experience God’s protection of them, and yet one day they died. The same will happen for each of us and for our children too (unless Jesus comes back first). So God’s protection in incidents like the one above is because of his grace, but in the end that will not prevent the inevitable.
But despite the impending death to come, we have a sure and certain hope of eternal life. Even when we die, and even when our children die we have hope beyond the grave!
“So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable;it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power;it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body[…]
I declare to you, brothers and sisters, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed—in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality.54 When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”
1 Corinthians 15:42-44, 50-55
Our son’s life flashed before my eyes, and it was terrifying. I’m so grateful for God’s physical protection of our little boy. And yet I am also grateful for the reminder that even our greatest enemy – death – is rendered powerless in light of Jesus’ glorious resurrection from the dead. What confidence we can have as Christians, what joy, and what hope!
The last few hours were all building up to this point. Full of excitement and anticipation, our three year old had helped me tidy the house, cook a meal and we set up the train set ready for some serious playing.
It’s a Wednesday night and it’s “life group” night. The night when a group of children and adults from church come round for food, play time and eventually (when the kiddos are in bed) a Bible study.
It’s our son’s favourite night of the week, and he’s beside himself with excitement for the other children to arrive.
But of course, the inevitable happens…
In a flurry of hyperactivity and enthusiasm… An incident will occur… usually after our guests have been here for approximately 5 minutes.
The incidents vary, but they will usually involve our three year old upsetting another child (often, although not always, unintentionally so)…trapped fingers, a grazed arm, a banged head, an unwanted cuddle, and tears and apologies will flow!
It’s pretty stressful and annoying and frustrating. “Why can’t he just contain his enthusiasm, and be a bit gentler?” I think to myself. “I can’t chat intentionally to people when I’m dealing with this.”
Usually, thank heavens, after the initial incident, there are no other incidents. And the children play nicely, food is enjoyed and everyone enjoys themselves. But still, sometimes it’s enough to make a parent despair!
So what is successful parenting? I think, until recently I thought that successful parenting was minimising and ultimately eliminating scenarios like this. In short, I wanted behavioural and moral perfection from our children. In part to give me an easy life, in part because it would be better for them, and in (large) part because I felt like their behaviour was a reflection on me and my parenting.
Recently I read something which changed my thinking on this.
I read this prayer in one of my bible devotionals,
“I pray I will always keep in mind that my success is not attached to children’s actions but how I respond to them and love them.”
What a revelation!
I find this a really liberating thought, and a really biblical view of discipline. So let’s unpack it.
Children are responsible for their own actions
Children are human beings, they are moral creatures, they have free-will. This means that even though they are children, they still are responsible (and need to learn to take responsibility) for their actions. At the end of the day, if a child makes a bad/foolish/selfish choice that was their choice to make.
I am responsible for how I respond to my children
As Christian parents, we shouldn’t be surprised when are children sin, or make foolish decisions. By nature children are immature and they need to be nurtured in the gospel. The role of the Christian parent isn’t to personalise when are children make bad choices, and feel like it’s a damning indication of how we’re doing as parents. Rather, in that moment we have a gospel opportunity.
We are not responsible for our child’s actions, but we are responsible for how we respond to them. How do we respond? Anger? Frustration? Harsh discipline? By just ignoring the situation? I’ve been guilty of all of these in the past. I think I’ve responded like that because I’ve felt like my children have let me down, and it reflects badly on me.
But when success is measured by responding to our children with grace in these situations then we have an opportunity to model and explain the gospel to our children. The moment of discipline isn’t actually about us! It’s not about making us look good, or getting the right behavioural outcome. It’s about connecting with our children, understanding their world, correcting their misdemeanours and showing them their need of a saviour.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s easier said than done. It requires dying to our own desires and putting our children first. But responding to a situation well is our privilege and responsibility as parents.
My success is not attached to my children’s actions
Once we separate what our children are responsible for, and what we’re responsible for, it makes discipline and “success” in parenting much easier.
Think about God the Father. He’s the perfect parent, he’s never done anything wrong. Yet he has wayward children! We don’t think that the bad/foolish/selfish choices of human beings is because of His shortcomings. We think it’s because human beings have free will and moral choices to make. Human beings are responsible for their actions. In short, God the Father isn’t responsible for us sinning.
Yet, God responds to us perfectly. He responds to us in love even while we’re making a mess of situations. He connects with his children, he understands our world, he corrects our sin and foolishness and shows us our need of a saviour. And he does it repeatedly. Every time we read his word, every time we meet with his people, every time his Spirit ministers to us and points us to the gospel.
He doesn’t deal with us once and expect us to be perfect from then on in – getting frustrated when we inevitably stumble. No – he’s committed to overseeing the maturation of his children, and he’s in it for the long-haul.
So there we have it – “success” in parenting.
What is it? Being like God to our children. Not being responsible for our children’s actions, but responding with grace when the inevitable happens.
Father, please help us to be like you to our children. Please help us to separate our responsibility and our children’s responsibility in terms of their behaviour. Help us not to feel responsible for our children’s actions, but to respond with grace, correction and gospel comfort when they do make mistakes. Give us wisdom, stamina and a deep-love for our children, that means we discipline well, even when it inconveniences us. Amen.
Camping in the back garden during the summer holidays.
Family movie night, complete with hot chocolate, popcorn and roaring fire.
The annual rounders match with that other family from church.
Were there any family traditions that you cherished when you were a child?
Or perhaps thinking of family traditions brings a tinge of sadness to your heart. Maybe your childhood wasn’t scattered with happy memories – of laughter, of church family, of your dad.
It’s a sad reality of living in this broken world. Not all of us had a happy childhood.
So what emotions do we feel when we talk about creating life-giving traditions with our own children?
Maybe it fills us with joy and excitement, or with sadness and regret.
Perhaps it gives us a headache! Too much organisation required, or craft-skills, or elaborate recipes. And well, that’s just not really our skill-set.
Well let’s stop and think for a second. Where do traditions and holiday celebrations come from?
This is what author Sally Clarkson says of their origin:
“Holidays are God’s idea. He created several for the Jews to celebrate and reinforce the memory of what he had done and to teach the children. The Jews also created other holidays to celebrate God’s work in their lives as a nation. Whatever the reason for the holiday though, they were always more that just recreational – they were first and foremost educational. In the same way that the Jews followed God’s pattern for new holidays, Christianity has developed its own holiday traditions. Holidays such as Christmas and Easter have no Biblical mandate, but they are patterned after God’s use of holidays as a way to remember and learn about God’s actions in history and in our lives.”
So traditions can be a really good thing. They are God’s idea. He uses them for the good of his people; to create a sense of collective identity, to create shared memories and to help his people to recall his work through history. Holidays in the Bible are often centred around food, music, celebration and God’s word being read – it’s a beautiful picture of what it means to be part of God’s community.
So what does this mean for us today?
It means that we’re free (but not obligated) to create life-giving traditions for our family (and church family) lives.
We’re motivated by grace
We know that as people saved by God’s grace, that we have nothing to prove to ourselves or each other. We are sinners who were morally bankrupt before God, but he has forgiven us through Jesus taking the punishment for our sin on the cross. Now for those who trust in Christ, we are forgiven. But our status is not morally neutral now – we are morally rich! Christ’s righteousness has been credited to us, so when God sees us he sees perfection, and he is pleased.
So what has this got to do with family traditions?
It means that if we want to, then we can create special traditions for our family and we are not doing it to try and win God’s approval or other peoples. We are free to enjoy food, nature, films, family sleepovers in the living room etc, unto the Lord.
One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. One who regards one day as special does so to the Lord.”
Romans 14:5-6a
So no comparison, no guilt! You need not post a photo of your tradition on social media (whether it’s brilliant or a bit cringe-worthy). And you don’t need to feel unworthy in your parenting when you see on Instagram that your sister-in-Christ makes stunning Easter bonnets, Christmas puddings and home-made blanket dens. Rejoice – God made her excellent at those things, and it’s no threat to you. You have God’s seal of approval and really, truly, that’s all that matters.
We’re not defined by our past
Like we mentioned before, not all of us had happy childhoods. But the gospel is good news for us. The gospel says that we can grieve over that – we don’t need to deny it or suppress those feelings of disappointment. But the gospel says that our past does not define us. We may feel wounded and scarred and even shameful. We may feel like we have no bank of experience to draw upon when trying to parent our children, or create a happy childhood for them, we may feel unworthy of the task of being parents. But that condemnation does not come from God.
God says that all who trust in Jesus are children in his family. And he is the best father ever. And he wants restoration for your life now. You need not be defined by your own childhood – that’s not denying that those feelings, memories and wounds are real – but you don’t need to be defined by that. You are free to create something completely different for your children to experience.
Those childhood memories that you crave for? Create them now. Camping in the garden? Family movie nights? Rounders with another family from church? They can be yours, and your spouses, and your children’s to treasure. There’s no reason why not, and there’s every reason to.
We want to create a collective identity, family memories and a culture of worshipping God
As Christian parents we long to create a strong sense of family identity. Why? Because it’s really grounding for children and provides them with security and a sense of belonging. Our children need to know which clan they belong to and what makes their family distinctive.
We think that these traditions in and of themselves are great things to do. But as Christians, we could also be creative about seeing how we can give them a gospel-flavour.
The annual camping under the stars could always feature a chat about what we’re thankful to God for from the past year.
When you reminisce about the special weekly meal, monthly walk or annual craft you could be intentional about discussing what God shows us of himself in the wonderful creation he’s made.
I could go on, but you get the idea – we can be creative about these traditions to help them be another way of celebrating our God and his good news together, as a family.
We want our boys to be able to think and say something like this in the future, “We’re the Thomsons, and we love campfires on the beach, reading books under blankets and Jesus!” We want them to experience life in a Christian family as being good, and wholesome and safe. Because as they experience that, we hope and pray that they will want to be part of God’s family – which all these good things are just a foretaste of.
So why create life-giving traditions?
Because they’re good, and fun and can be God-honouring.
Because we’re free to and don’t have to compare our efforts to anyone else.
Because we’re redeemed from the past and God can make our family lives beautiful, even if our own childhood was not that way.
Some ideas
Family traditions need not be expensive, or elaborate or take or huge amount of preparation time. Here’s some ideas:
Create a family handshake
Have the same meal once a week (like pancakes on a Sunday morning or Saturday Pizza night).
Board game/ Movie Night
Family walks
Reading aloud your favourite childhood books to your children
A ridiculous birthday hat (huge with candles in it). The family member must wear it for their birthday meal, even if you’re in a public place!
Campfires, S’mores and a sing-song
Annual sports match or water fight (mum and dad and even grandparents included!)
We hope you found this post encouraging and enjoyable. If you’d like to receive a weekly digest of gospel-centred parenting posts and/or join our newsletter to hear the latest news from us, please fill in the form below to sign up.
You and I haven’t been hanging out as much recently.
I see you there in the corner, but too often I seem to leave you there, like a neglected house plant or a job that I need to get round to.
It’s not that I don’t like you. Quite the opposite. I could wax lyrical about how great you are. I talk about you to friends, I talk about you at church, I even write about you on my blog. I know you’re great… but too often I talk about you more than I actually read you. Too often you seem to be left in the corner.
Here’s the thing: I know that by reading you I will hear the voice of the living God… but sometimes your voice seems so small compared to the clamour of Buzzfeed.
I understand that what you speak will refresh my soul… but Pinterest escapism is easier.
I get that you’re alive and active… but Instagram waves wildly for my attention.
You’re the source of all wisdom and knowledge… but what will I discover if I just refresh my Facebook newsfeed?
You’ll tell me God’s perspective on life, the universe and everything… but I don’t want to miss out on the latest views on Twitter.
I know that life existed before smart phones and social media, but I just can’t remember what it was like! What did I do in those moments where I feel awkward in a social setting; where I have a few minutes to spare while waiting for a train; when I got frustrated, upset or angry? Did I pray or read you? Did I talk to other people? Did I spend time thoughtfully processing? I can’t recollect it.
Bible, I have a confession to make. It’s the children’s fault! Really it is. It’s because of them that I can’t get consistent sleep, consistent waking up times, consistent quiet times. It’s because of them that when I get five minutes alone I just need to scroll. They drive me to social media for a moment of adult connection.
Dear Bible, I can think of so many reasons why we don’t spend much time together anymore, and I’m not sure if we can go back to how it used to be. How can I possibly wean myself off this addiction? How can I possibly find you attractive again when you have to compete to the sparkly entertainment of my phone? Is there any hope?
To read you sounds like so much work, but I know that’s illogical. Because life without you and the wonderful God you point me to is far too much work – life is meaningless without the good news that you tell me. It just doesn’t make sense.
So here’s why I’m writing. Can you teach me how to spend time with you again? Can the Spirit of the one you point me to help me please? Because I surely need it.
Yours sincerely,
A struggling parent.
Dear beloved parent,
Come and read me. In my pages are all the connection, refreshing and satisfaction that you need. Quiet yourself for a moment with me, and see how I will deliver more than your bright-displayed, vibrating, pinging, notification giving smart phone. You don’t need distraction. You need me.
Put down your phone. On silent. In another room. And shut the door.
And when you read me, you’ll hear the gentle whisper of the living God.
And next time, it will be a bit easier.
And the time after that, a bit easier still.
Until reading me becomes a delight to you once again.
It will be a habit of grace, and it will deeply nourish your soul.
Don’t give up on me. I haven’t given up on you.
I’m committed to changing you, restoring you and comforting you. I’m the living word of the one who died for you. He’s committed to seeing you transformed. Give me a go.
And if you stumble, then don’t run away from me, or despair. I’ll be here waiting for you to pick me up again. And again. And again. (And I promise, I’ll help take away that sense of shame you might be tempted to feel, not add to it!).
Just give me the chance, and I promise you won’t regret it.
So, this week will be a decisive one for us. It feels like we’re on the brink of making an enormous life-altering decision for our children. A decision which will affect their social world, academic growth and childhood memories. And a decision which will impact our finances and lifestyle. It’s the education decision.
We have a week before we need to inform our Local Authority about which school our eldest will go to.
And it’s a really hard choice to make.
School number one is around the corner, it’s “outstanding” (according to OFSTED), it’s a lovely school where Cathy herself went and has many happy memories of. Our son currently attends the nursery there and seems happy. And now he’s been allocated a place there.
School number two was not on the cards until this week. It’s a local primary school (a drive away) with a forest school attached (and all the pupils have a weekly timetabled slot there each week). And it’s also a school which would allow us to flexi-school our son. Flexi-schooling is when the parent and head-teacher come to an agreement that the child can attend school part time, and be home educated part time.
Yeah, we said it was a hard decision to make!
Two very different paths for our children. One involving some home education, the other possibly meaning that Reuben would be in full time school for the duration of his primary years.
Truthfully, it’s been a troubling few days for us. How do we make a decision like this, when we don’t know the outcome for our child?
And on the other hand – what a blessed position to be in! Two great options available to us.
So what’s the Gospel got to do with all this?
The Gospel is a sweet balm to our anxious hearts at times like this.
We are saved by grace alone. Our children will be saved through grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone. If they come to faith in Christ – it will be because of God’s saving grace, his unmerited favour, his divine providence. This gives us liberty to know that as parents we can’t bring about new life in our children, and so whichever school we pick for our son – it will not affect his salvation. God decided that before time.
“For it is by grace you have been saved – through faith – and this is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8
God is loving and in control of all things.He is our heavenly Father, he is for us, he can be trusted with our children, and we know that he works for our good. What a comfort!
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.
There’s Christian freedom in Christ. As Christians we are free to make differing choices for our families and still be united to each other in the Gospel. In fact, the gospel unites people from every tongue, culture, gender, race and education type(!) into one family. We are to model unity in our diversity as Christians and to extend grace and honour to others who disagree with us. Why? Because it is Christ who justifies us. Not our particular choices.
“Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” Romans 14:1-4
So yet again, the gospel is good news! Good news for us as parents who cannot see the future – but know a God who can and who will provide for our every need. Good news for our children as we entrust them into our heavenly Father’s care. And good news for our churches – unity in our diversity makes the Gospel attractive, as we demonstrate that as believers our identity is found in Christ, and not our different choices.
We were helped by listening to this series of podcasts on https://www.risenmotherhood.com/education/about the Gospel and Education. They are well worth a listen to, even if your children are already in your chosen method of education.
Maybe it’s a CBeebies presenter, or their school teacher? Or perhaps Andy Murray, a cool uncle or Taylor Smith? It could be their church youth leader, or maybe Kate Middleton?
Stop and think about it for a second. Who does your child really look up to? Who do they copy? Who do they want to be like?
Role models are really important for all of us. Stories of inspiring people encourage us to make the most of our lives too. As adults, we need role models.
So imagine the potential there is in filling a child’s mind with countless stories of people who have made a difference. People who have loved God and followed him in extraordinary ways. People who have made the world a better place.
Wouldn’t filling their minds with stories like these inspire them to dream big, aim high and live for others as a result? Of course it would.
We’ve been trying to read more biographies of inspiring Christians of late. Reading these stories convicts and inspires us as we read of ordinary people being used by God in extraordinary ways. It helps us to see what is possible in God’s strength. And what happens if we’re willing to lay down our lives for the kingdom of God.
We had made the decision that when our boys were older, we would buy biographies written for children of inspiring Christian leaders, missionaries, medics, reformers and humanitarians. We’re excited for the day when our eldest is old enough to enjoy one of these books.
However, this week while we were away at Word Alive, a Christian conference, we were delighted to find out that new book has been released – a collection of short biographies, written for younger children.
“Everyone a child should know*” explains in simple language what different Christians have done for “their friend Jesus”. It includes “sporty people, arty people, brilliant people and very ordinary people. There are people from hundreds of years ago and people still living today[…] Jesus has always had, and always will have friends in all shapes, sizes and colours.” We’ve read several of the biographies in this book and they’re brilliant – they’re engaging, accessible and inspiring.
Every person included has a double-page spread, on one side is an illustration, and on the other is the biography – perfect for even young children, who can study the picture while a parent reads to them. We think our nearly four year old will love it – so we bought it as a birthday present.
Another book we bought while we were away was “Spurgeon: On the Christian Life*” by Michael Reeves. We love the author, we love Charles Spurgeon, and we love biographies, so we’re excited to get stuck in. We had already spent quite a bit in the bookshop(!) but then we decided to go ahead and buy this book as well. Because in the end, if we want our children to grow up to love reading Christian biographies, then we need to model that ourselves. And how lovely it will be to be able to summarise the life of inspiring individuals to our boys who are full of childlike ambition.
How wonderful it will be to ask them the question “what would you like to do for your friend Jesus?” And to tell them that anyone who is friends with Jesus can do remarkable things – because he lives in them and works through them.
