Author: Scott and Cathy

Don’t be ashamed of your highlight reel

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We all take a personal approach to social media, especially when it comes to our children. One family may not post any pictures of their children online, others only from behind, others post regularly and with pride – anecdotes, quotes and first day of school pictures get posted up. It’s great that families take different approaches – as long as you come to a conclusion thoughtfully while respecting your child then there’s freedom.

But, whatever our approach to social media, let’s not be ashamed of our highlight reel.

Let me explain…

I (Cathy) can tend to focus on the negative. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an utter idealist and romantic; completely sentimental and soppy. But, along with that, I can get really down about the bad times – especially with parenting. Now that we have a 7, 5 and 2 year old, I do know that the toddler tantrums decrease, the potty training doesn’t last forever and whatever bad vice or habit we are currently facing, may well just be a phase and a simply a symptom of childhood immaturity – but those battles are still hard in the moment.

Coming to the end of ourselves is great, because it forces us into the arms of Jesus. Jesus who can equip us with everything good for doing his will, to work in us what is pleasing to him. (Hebrews 13:20-21).

But how about the other side of the coin – the side of thankfulness and joy – when it comes to our children? The side that stops to reflect on how far we’ve come as parents, and the victories won in our children’s lives?

And that’s where the highlight reel comes in…

The highlight reel gets a bad rap – it’s accused as showing off, being insensitive, being disingenuous. But when we acknowledge that it’s simply the highlight reel, then we’re free to enjoy it and enjoy other people’s. No one photographs the arguments, the filthy debris behind the couch or the puddle of wee on the bathroom floor. Instead we photograph the firsts, the chubby cheeks and cheeky grins, the finger painting and certificate holding and medals and awards. Because those beautiful, unique moments of childhood are hard-won, once-in-a-lifetime-never-coming-back-moments. They are what make it worthwhile. We all only get one childhood, and it’s over in the blink of an eye.

So can I encourage you to start or sustain a highlight reel of your children?

It doesn’t need to be online. It could be a physical photo album, a journal where you consider what you are enjoying about your children right now, a conservation with your spouse about the joyous and humorous things your child did that day, or a family Whatsapp where the grandparents can wax lyrical about how clever and special and beautiful your munchkins are.

It’s about having an attitude of reflection and gratitude. Because when we stop to acknowledge just how incredible these little creations of God are – we bring glory to him, and are hearts are filled with wonder. Reflecting on the blessings and progress, can strengthen us to persevere on the road ahead.

Even Mary, the mother of Jesus did this; she pondered and treasured “these things” (specifically how Jesus was growing in wisdom and stature) “in her heart.” So if she did it, I think we should to. It’s not self-indulgent, it’s having a perspective that this temporary state of our children is just that, and to rejoice in the victories.

6 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

If you’d like to follow along with our highlight reel on instragram then you can here. It doesn’t show the recesses of my sinful heart, or that of my children. It’s a celebration of the lives that God has so graciously granted. It doesn’t show the sticky window panes or towering pile of paperwork – but rest assured those things are present. This is the highlight reel – my opportunity to give thanks for his generous grace to us. What a kind God he is!

How to cut down screen time (and why it might revolutionise family life!)

Scott and Cathy Uncategorized 0 Comment

The title of this has the potential to put people right off reading it. But, before you scroll past, please just pause to give us a minute of your time.

If you strike gold, you want to tell your nearest and dearest where to go and mine the depths, right? Well, this blog post is us doing that.

Until relatively recently we had never wanted to be a screen-free (or minimal screen) family. Screens are convenient, they can keep little ones safe when you’re cooking hot food, and they can be educational too. Sometimes we feel like we need them to survive the day.

But we were noticing some unhelpful patterns in our family, not just for the children but for us adults too – screens often make us less engaged with the kids, more irritable and sometimes lazy.

As for the children, they would argue about what to watch, and would not be able to self-regulate once we turned it off. We tried watching on two devices, we tried watching only a Christian streaming service (Minno), we tried taking it in turns. But we had never tried going without screens.

Over a series of situations (nightmares from cartoons; inappropriate morality on children’s TV, violent play acting), conversations with other mums battling similar situations and things that I had read, I (Cathy) felt like God was calling me to try and massively reduce the screen time in our family.

I knew that this would be sacrificial – our 2 year old sometimes gets up at 5.30am; I knew that I couldn’t do it in my own strength; and I knew that Scott and I couldn’t be hypocritical and spend time on our phones while calling our children to occupy themselves with other endeavours.

I was contemplating the verse “Do nothing out of selfish ambition[…] but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Would I be willing to get through fewer books on my goodreads each year (what I often do at 5.30am in the morning), have a less tidy house, engage more fully with the children for their entire waking day?

I prayed, I strewed (more about this later), I went to bed early – and the next morning I was really pleasantly surprised. No. I was astonished.

The children didn’t even ask for TV.

So back to the strewing. Strewing is something that I came across on a homeschooling blog. You basically leave out games, toys and activities to entice your children to play with them. I’m not talking about elaborately themed tuff trays here (although if you like that sort of thing then go ahead!). I simply mean, get out a colouring book and some crayons and put them on the table. Put a couple of pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together and leave the rest undone. Put together the trainset. Or place the doll and her accessories on the sofa. It can actually be really fun! It’s fun to get out toys that aren’t often played with, and even more fun to set them up like they’ve been partying through the night. We enjoying putting Woody and Buzz on the piano stool as if they were playing it together, and seeing our son’s enjoyment of it the next morning.

It requires 5 minutes of getting out toys before you go to bed. But honestly, it’s so worth it!

Now before we go any further, I think it’s important to say that we usually shy away from “how-to” blog posts like this. Because this is a gospel-centred parenting blog. The gospel is the main thing. We can most definitely use screens to the glory of God. We can also be screen-free in a self-righteous way.

But as we said before, if you strike gold, you want to share the location of the gold mine with those you love. While the amount of screen time a family consumes has no effect at all on their standing before God (we are justified freely by God’s grace, not our own efforts), it is true to say that as Christians we need to live intentionally and thoughtfully in every area of our lives – seeking to bring glory to God.

Reducing the amount of screen time that the children consume has massively benefitted our family. There are far fewer arguments among the children, better engagement between parents and children and far fewer instances of unhelpful behaviour like play fighting and bad language. Rather than filling their minds with unhelpful entertainment, we get an opportunity to develop good and beautiful appetites in our children.

whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8

So if you’re wondering what the silver bullet might be for your parenting, then we’d have to of course say that there isn’t one. Parenting isn’t a formula and it certainly isn’t that easy. But for us as a family, reducing the screen time has been the nearest thing to a silver bullet that we’ve ever encountered.

To the struggling lockdown mum

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To the struggling lockdown mum

We’re now a year into the Covid-19 pandemic and the resulting restrictions. The impact has been far ranging and has impacted us all. Hopefully the end is in sight now, but if you’re feeling like you’ve been battered along the way then this is a blog post for you…

To the first time mum who doesn’t know if their baby blues is normal or post-natal depression; who craves a community of other mums, who misses work and is exhausted and lonely and wonders if it will always be this hard – I see you.

To the mother struggling with remote learning for an older child and recovery from a new born baby – I see you.

To the mum who has no childcare bubble and lives in a different part of the country from her family, who longs for her own mother but hasn’t seen her for many months – I see you.

To the woman who has experienced motherhood for a few fleeting weeks, before her baby drained from her body, and who has had no one to sit in her house with her as she grieves – I see you.

To the healthworker mum who is struggling first-hand with the trauma of the pandemic, while trying to make sure her children are being educated in school, all the while feeling depleted and guilty and overwhelmed at the weight of all she carries and how she can’t possibly meet all the need – I see you.

To the mum who has been attempting to work from home while helping her children to engage with online lessons, who feels stressed and undervalued and like this juggling act simply wouldn’t be expected if she wasn’t female – I see you.

To the woman trying to decide whether to try for a baby at this time, who is afraid about complications or risk to a pregnancy, who is kept awake at night thinking of all the different scenarios and is uncertain and afraid of what to do – I see you.

To the mum who has longed for a baby and is finally expecting one, or has had one – but very few people got to rejoice with her with her growing bump, her pregnancy glow, or the first few precious weeks or months of her baby’s life – I see you.

To the woman who longs to be a mum and lockdown has emphasised that she’s not one – her friends are all busy homeschooling their children, while she is not, but wishes she was – I see you.

To the mum who had a premature baby during lockdown, who worried about them being exposed to Covid-19 in hospital, and who couldn’t show her baby to their new grandparents until they were several months old – I see you.

To the mum who is struggling with a deep sense of failure. She thought she could manage through this lockdown and provide a safe haven for her children, she thought she could do it fantastically – but she just feels shame. She reflects on the mistakes, the raised voices, too much screen time – she just feel like she doesn’t match up to her own expectations of what a mum should be – I see you.

To the mum who is a teacher. Who loves her pupils and wants them to grow educationally. Who is constantly re-learning how to do her job in bubbles, online, with new guidance. Who is completely and utterly exhausted and bamboozled and who feels like she’s questioning if her job resembles anything like what she trained for – while still trying to care for her own children – I see you.

To the mum who has struggled with anger, frustration, tears, alcohol, depression, compulsive online buying, self-hatred, disengaging with church, fear or any other thing that she knows in her heart has been going on – I see you.

But far, far more important than me seeing you, I want you to know this –

HE sees you.

Jesus sees us in our grief, our confusion, our sorrow, our shame, our fear, our overwhelm, our sin and our brokenness. And far from raising his eyebrows or recoiling in disgust, his heart goes out to us. He is filled with sympathy for us. His heart is full of compassion and love towards us. He intercedes for us and acts on our behalf – our advocate, our saviour and our high priest.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:13-16

We do not need to sort ourselves out, scrub ourselves down, put on our Facebook persona to come to God.

No.

We come as we are, and find him waiting with arms outstretched to help us. To sympathise with us in our sorrows and heartaches. To forgive us. To remind us that we are loved and precious and accepted and delighted in by him. Now and forever. We can confidently approach God’s throne. His throne of grace.

I’ve been reading Dane Ortland’s Book Gentle and Lowly which I would highly recommend. He reflects on the heart of Christ towards sinners and sufferers. If you’ve ever doubted God’s love for you then this is a wonderful balm to the soul, and a great reminder of all that is ours through the grace of Jesus Christ; that he looks on us with love and affection regardless of and in the midst of our shortcomings.

Here’s a quote:

“God didn’t meet us halfway. He refused to hold back, cautious, assessing our worth. That is not his heart. He and his Son took the initiative. On terms of grace and grace alone. In defiance of what we deserved. When we, despite our smiles and civility, were running from God as fast as we could, building our own kingdoms and loving our own glory, lapping up the fraudulent pleasures of the world, repulsed by the beauty of God and shutting up our ears at his calls to come home—it was then, in the hollowed-out horror of that revolting existence, that the prince of heaven bade his adoring angels farewell. It was then that he put himself into the murderous hands of these very rebels in a divine strategy planned from eternity past to rinse muddy sinners clean and hug them into his own heart despite their squirmy attempt to get free and scrub themselves clean on their own. Christ went down into death while we applauded. We couldn’t have cared less. We were weak. Sinners. Enemies.

It was only after the fact, only once the Holy Spirit came flooding into our hearts, that the realization swept over us: he walked through my death. And he didn’t simply die. He was condemned. He didn’t simply leave heaven for me; he endured hell for me. He, not deserving to be condemned, absorbed it in my place—I, who alone deserved it. THAT is his heart. And into our empty souls, like a glass of cold water to a thirsty mouth, God poured his Holy Spirit to internalize the actual experience of God’s love.

Dane Ortlund – ‘Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers‘

My prayer is that you will go to Jesus even now to find peace and rest. That God’s Holy Spirit will enable you to experience his deep and persistent love for you.

He sees you.

He loves you.

He is with you in the midst of what you’re going through.

He doesn’t consider your problems as mere trifles that clog up his time.

He can give you help in your time of need.

He really can, and he really is willing.

His life, death and resurrection prove it decisively. Why die for you, if he would abandon you now?

He is kind and tender hearted towards you. That is who he is.

So go to him once again, or go to him for the first time, and find rest for your soul.

N.B. Some of you who read this may not consider yourself a Christian. If you’d like to find out more about what Christians believe and how it can make a difference to your life, then you can read a description of it here. If you have any further questions then I’d love to chat to you about it. You can contact me through the “contact us” link on our website.

Remote learning vs Home education

Scott and Cathy Uncategorized 2 Comments

Parenting is hard at the best of times. But during a pandemic it is something else!

Parents have been juggling working (often from home), with domestic tasks, with educating their children, as well as with other responsibilities to their community and church. They’ve been doing this without very much support and while living under a fog of uncertainty as to whether they will need to self-isolate and lose income and health.

Parents should be applauded for what they’ve achieved during this pandemic.

Which is why I felt really upset when I saw this…

This was sent to me by a friend of mine who has a five year old at school (yes this is his remote learning schedule) and a three year old at home who is globally developmentally delayed. She was sent this by the school in anticipation of an announcement of primary school closures in January. She felt totally daunted by this schedule and asked how I managed to homeschool with other children around.

So, in case you were wondering how home educators manage to do this with multiple children and different commitments, let me tell you the secret- we don’t. We don’t even attempt it.

Home educators wouldn’t dream of attempting anything remotely like this schedule or level of academic expectation at home or at such a young age.

But, to try prevent this blog post from becoming one long rant, let me try to offer an outline of how we as a family educate our son at home. Take or leave what you like – but I hope that it encourages you that what you manage to achieve through your child’s remote learning over this next fortnight, or during any time of self-isolation is enough.

As a side note, our child who is home educated is only 6, so he requires less time doing school work than a teenager, but he also requires almost constant supervision while he works. A teenager is already able to use IT and read and write. What I’m trying to address specifically in this blog post, is the unrealistic expectation that parents can constantly supervise and teach their young children for an entire day in the name of remote learning.

We don’t have a schedule, we have routines.

It is very easy for a schedule to go off course: if the toddler needs a nappy change, the DPD delivery comes to the door, or you have to take a work call. So rather than have a schedule with set times where you can fall behind, having routines helps to provide structure to the day while allowing flexibility for life’s unpredictability.

Our basic routines is this:

Morning devotional

Time in nature/ garden/ park – (tire out the toddler)

Lunch

Naptime/ Sitting down school work time (maths, english, speech therapy) max 2 hours

Popcorn and read-aloud time

Nap-schooling not multitasking

All our sit down work happens when our toddler is napping. Multitasking is stressful, so we don’t try to do it. Two hours is the maximum amount of time that we do maths, english and speech therapy tasks (but usually it’s much less time that this). Why don’t you figure out what this looks like for your family. Maybe time the school’s online videos with you work call, or cut out completely what is unrealistic and focus in on a few non-negotiables.

All of life is educational

While your children are learning at your home, you are free to have a different philosophy to the school’s philosophy of education. All of life is educational. It doesn’t have to be academic for it to count. Baking, jigsaw puzzles, orchard toys, board games, letter writing, audio books, lego, fancy dress, crafting, playing in the garden all count, and are actually the foundation of a happy, developmentally healthy education. So embrace it. Send them off to play and don’t feel guilty about it. If they get enough time to play, chances are they will perform better when you ask them to do their set work for school.

Trust your instincts

As your child’s parent you know them best. If your child is resisting doing the work for you or not engaging with what has been set, then know when to ditch it. During the first lockdown our then five year old really struggled to engage with the online maths programme that school were using (and we weren’t very comfortable with so much screen time for him). So we purchased some “Maths No Problem” textbooks and workbooks and helped him do those instead. He was far more engaged and it was much more pleasant experience for everyone. We informed the school and everyone was happy.

Partner with the school but don’t be dictated to by the school

Teachers are amazing creatures, who have done an absolute sterling job during the duration of this pandemic. They have adapted to so many changes, with very little notice and have sacrificed a huge amount to serve our children. They deserve a pay rise, all our respect and lots of kind words from us. Actually the school that our 4 year old attends have been really brilliant. Giving us lots of resources and suggestions while making it known that not every family will be able to do everything that they set. They have been a great support and wonderful to partner with, but our understanding is that this isn’t always the case.

If you are being asked to “homeschool” your children at home, know your limits, know your child, know your existing responsibilities and know when to say no. Or just don’t do it all – the teacher will figure it out, and they will understand. They are paid to teach your children, in a specially adapted space, with training and resources; they will understand that your situation is different and that you simply cannot do it all.

Jesus is with us

Jesus knows what it feels like to be overwhelmed, to be stressed, to be responsible for needy people, to face uncertainty and difficulty and despair. He is sympathetic to you in this. He doesn’t expect you to have it all together or get it all perfect or to be brave. I read this recently in Dane Ortland’s amazing book “Gentle and Lowly” and I found it hugely comforting:

“Contrary to what we expect to be the case, therefore, the deeper into weakness and suffering and testing we go, the deeper Christ’s solidarity with us. As we go down into pain and anguish, we are descending ever deeper into Christ’s very heart, not away from it. Look to Christ. He deals gently with you. It’s the only way he knows how to be. He is the high priest to end all high priests. As long as you fix your attention on your sin, you will fail to see how you can be safe. But as long as you look to this high priest, you will fail to see how you can be in danger. Looking inside ourselves, we can anticipate only harshness from heaven. Looking out to Christ, we can anticipate only gentleness.”

So if primary schools do close, and remote learning becomes the expectation over the next few weeks, then prayer is that you can go into the next few weeks with the pressure off. Jesus deals gently with you. Please deal gently with yourself and your children too.

The worst half-term ever? 2 weeks of self-isolation!

Scott and Cathy Uncategorized 4 Comments
The worst half-term ever? 2 weeks of self-isolation!

At 9pm last night we got a text message that dashed our half term plans.

There has been a positive case of coronavirus in our son’s reception class. This means that our 4 year old cannot leave the house for 2 whole weeks.

Heaven help us all!

This comes at a tricky and frustrating time for us (these are tricky and frustrating days for every single one of us, and every family, as we learn to deal with life with restrictions, uncertainty and much less support from friends, family and churches).

That being said, our individual frustrations as a family are real and take an emotional toll. Just like yours are real too.

We should have been on holiday this coming week but it was cancelled. We have spent several days self-isolating already as we awaited our (negative) coronavirus results. And we’re in the middle of a frustratingly slow house move, now made slower because the surveyor can’t come next week. All of these struggles are a knock-on effect of the coronavirus pandemic.

We’re not sure what it is for your family. Perhaps it’s not being able to access the SEN support that your child needs because of covid-19 restrictions; maybe it’s not being able to see a loved one who is shielding because they have an underlying health condition or live in a care home; maybe it’s going into a higher tier of restrictions or a national lockdown and it’s causing you anxiety and stress. There’s a myriad of different ways that we can be affected directly and indirectly by Covid-19.

Here’s the thing.

There’s much that we can’t control right now.

There are many, many stressful and difficult things.

But if you are a parent, you have the agency to be intentional in your parenting right in the midst of these days. And that is really encouraging and empowering. You can decide how you are going to respond to these hard circumstances.

Now of course this intentionality is a partnership between us as parents and the God who created and loves our children, and is committed to our good. This isn’t self-help. This is responding to adversity with faith.

This is saying: We may not be policy makers or a medical workers, but we can be kind to our children, we can create a haven of safety and love.

We may not be able to get our children to engage with kids church online, but we can read the Bible to them and whisper the gospel to them and pray for them.

We may not be really crafty or great at baking or imaginative play, but we do love to read to them and daddy can put on the funny voices.

We guess the point here is that it’s easy right now to focus on all we can’t do.

But let’s reframe it.

What can we do?

What can we do for our children?

How can we make these days count?

So here’s three ways that I, Cathy, am going to try to embrace our 2 weeks of self-isolation (Scott is still allowed to leave the house for work, thankfully!) and I hope they encourage you in your own circumstances and parenting. I won’t do it perfectly, and neither will you. But by God’s grace he can and will make these hard days into something beautiful and beneficial for his glory.

Gift

Rather than thinking that the next fortnight is something to be got through, and for the days to be longingly counted down, let’s reframe it and think of these days as a gift. An opportunity to invest in our children. To play with them. To listen to their fears, doubts and hopes. To observe them. We can learn an enormous amount to aid us in our parenting when we slow down to observe our children – to watch and take note of how they respond to certain circumstances, to figure out what makes them tick. What an opportunity for discipleship! Even in the hard moments of conflict, God can still use that to remind us why we need to gospel and as a gospel opportunity in itself. Two weeks stuck together with our kids? What a gift.

Gratitude

It’s so easy to grumble and to focus on the negative. But that robs us of so much joy and it’s not how God wants us to live. It says in 1 Thessalonians,

“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

What a glorious vision for life. This isn’t about not lamenting the brokenness of the world, or a false, superficial happiness. But it is about making a choice to focus on God’s kind provision for us, rather than being full of ingratitude.

I’ve been convicted recently about my online spending, especially for kids craft things and second hand toys. I’ve been thinking “there’s so little to do, we really need this stuff to make life easier and to help the kids develop healthily”. Not that there’s anything wrong with online shopping per se, but for me, it became unhelpful. I was purchasing to try and create more ease for me (a facade!) and to determine good outcomes for out children (which is a marketing lie).

So I’m trying really hard to not buy any more stuff. Instead I want to grow in gratitude. I want to be really grateful for the craft supplies we do have, the books that we do have (even if we’ve read them a zillion times over lockdown!), the toys, cookery books and dress-up clothes. Truly we have an abundance. And the children do not need more. I do not need more. We are so blessed and we are grateful.

And as for the outcomes? Their future success, their intellect, their emotional intelligence, I’ll leave all that up to God. No amount of orchard toys will determine that.

Grace

Praise God for his grace! When you get a bunch of sinners rubbing up against each other for days on end there’s going to be conflict. But where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.

God isn’t surprised about the sinful, ugly moments and interactions in our homes. He longs to use those to show us how much Jesus loves us. To enter into those moments and remind us that went to the cross to forgive us from those things, and to increasingly free us from how they entangle our lives.

He also, in his grace, gives us good gifts to enjoy like cake, disney plus and endless cups of tea.

We are all under a lot of emotional pressure at the moment, including our children. Let’s be gracious to each other. Quick to forgive, understanding and patient, and when the days get hard, let’s remember to reconnect over something enjoyable, relaxing and cosy for everyone.

Here’s some ideas:

Popcorn, blankets and listening together to the chronicles of Narnia

Disney film, pizzas and twinkling fairy lights

Mummy and the baby have a nap, while daddy and the preschooler do a jigsaw puzzle

A Chinese takeaway and a board game

Hot chocolate in the garden while looking at the stars

Or, if you’re feeling really sacrificial (or your kids are good sleepers) how about a family sleepover in the living room?

I hope you find this encouraging. God has ordained that you are your children’s parents at this time. He has plans to grow your relationships together and he wants to partner with you to point your children to his wonderful son Jesus. The coronavirus pandemic won’t last forever, but while it does, let’s face this adversity as a gift, with gratitude and with grace.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

Sibling love

Scott and Cathy Sibling love 1 Comment
Sibling love

Do you ever hear this in your house?

“Hey, that’s mine, get off!”

“Mummy, she hit me!”

“I’m not your best friend anymore.”

Or how about this sequence of sounds – we tend to hear it every night before bedtime – infectious giggling, squeals, multiple pairs feet running on the floorboards, followed by an almighty bang, a flood of tears and “He hurt me!!!”

Siblings are an amazing blessing. There are some real moments of beauty and benefit to having them, but they can often cause conflict too.

So we thought we’d start a new series all about parenting multiple children. Looking at some of the challenged and joys, while thinking about how the gospel brings hope to us and our children in this particular area.

In this series we’ll discuss:

  • Unique personality types
  • Sibling Rivalry
  • Conflict and conflict resolution
  • God’s plan for sanctifying us and our children through family relationships
  • The blessings of having multiple children
  • Middle child syndrome
  • Parent guilt while juggling different children’s needs

If you have any other ideas for blog post topics we’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment so we can write about your question or topic idea.

We look forward to hearing from you! We’d really value your feedback and advice as we try to ponder and navigate this tricky area of parenting. We have a 6, 4 and nearly 2 year old in our house, so we know all about sibling conflicts! We are very much finding our feet while trying to deal with them, and we’re trying to cling to the joy and hope of the gospel in the midst of it. We love hearing encouragement, insights and tips from others, so we’re excited to hear from you.

Homeschooling, COVID-19 and Hope

Scott and Cathy Uncategorized 0 Comment

We are really blessed in our church to have Amy. Amy works for our church full time doing various things including pastoral ministry but focusing on evangelism.

She has been brilliant at mobilising the mums in our church in their outreach. Before lockdown she was helping us to run several courses inluding “wonderfully made” and “Christianity explored” and we were seeing exciting fruit from that.

But during lockdown she’s continued to encourage us to reach out with the gospel despite social distancing.

I wanted to share her event idea with you, because it was really encouraging and fruitful, and perhaps it is something that your local church could do too (although aim to do it quickly, as who knows when lockdown restrictions will be lifted?!).

So the event was called “COVID-19, Homeshcooling and Hope”. It included three 5 minute slots by a different mum in our church who shared some stories about trying to homeschool their children during lockdown (funny, real and sweet stories) and then a “tip” of something that they had tried and had some measure of success with during crisis-schooling. The tone was very conversational, of ordinary mums trying to muddle through, and certainly not as experts. After each slot, we would go into breakout groups (we tried to keep friendship groups together to make conversation easier, to give people another reason to attend the event – i.e. to see friends virtually, and to make follow-up easier). Then there was a 10 minute evangelistic talk at the end of it. If you would like to hear an audio of the event, either for your own encouragement or out of interest then subscribe to our mailing list and you’ll receive a link to all our downloadable material, including this talk. If you’re already a subscriber, look out for this week’s round up of posts in your inbox (it should come on Monday), and we’ve added a link to the download page into that email too.

Also, if you would like to do a similar thing at your church then I am happy to send you my evangelistic talk script, and you can just edit it to use your own anecdotes.

We were really excited by the response to the event. We had 25 mums attend, 17 of which were guests. There seemed to be a real appetite for connecting with other parents, for chatting this stuff through and for the message of hope too.

So Amy and her graphic design fiance designed a 5 week follow-up course and booklet. Based on the same themes as “wonderfully made”, but edited to make it applicable to parents of older children who are crisis-schooling.

The format is similar – 1 mum will have a 5 minute slot on an area of crisis-schooling, another mum will have a 5 minute slot to talk about a common problem area in parenting, and then a 5 minute pre-evangelistic talk (we hope this might lead onto a Christianity explored course once wonderfully made is finished). Between each of these talks, there is time for discussion in breakout groups.

We would encourage you to try something similar with your friends or as your local church. If you have any questions about how this could work in your context just send us a message, I’d be really happy to help, or maybe get Amy to call you – she’s so winsome and encouraging, you’ll be pumped up to do it!

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Fear – The constant companion of a parent

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Fear – The constant companion of a parent

N.B I wrote this a couple of weeks before lockdown. But as the Prime Minister has just announced that one of our children could be going back to school in a few weeks time, fear is something that could very easily creep in.

That’s the thing about fear – it can come in many different forms, about many different issues. And so, as we publish this now old post, we trust that the Holy Spirit will encourage you with these timeless gospel-truths to bring comfort to you in the midst of the very real fears you may be facing right now, in the midst of the Coronavirus Pandemic.

What is it for you?

Cancer? Social media? Sexual predators? Road accidents? Drowning?

Do you have a recurring fear? It’s the one that keeps you awake at night. Perhaps you have flashbacks to the near accident. Or the images of your child in A & E are seared across your memory.

Fear is crippling and debilitating. But this fear isn’t about you. It’s about your children, which makes it even more terrifying. And even more compelling a watch in your minds eye.

We don’t want to think about it, but somehow the fear just keeps resurfacing it’s ugly head.

As a couple, we have different recurring fears. Cathy is terrified of road accidents. We live on a main road, without off-street parking, which obviously contributes to it.

Scott is afraid of one our children drowning. When we were on holiday once, a life-guard alerted to us that our eldest was floundering around in the swimming pool. He had jumped in without his life jacket on. Scott often remembers the incident and is keen for all our children to master swimming ASAP.

Over the last few weeks I (Cathy) have been reading “To seek and to save: Daily reflections on the road to the cross.*” It’s a really excellent devotional for Lent. It follows the journey of Jesus to the cross through the second half of Luke’s gospel. The devotions are very short, but they are challenging and poignant (ideal for parents of young children).

The other night I woke up, and had the familiar image of one of our children nearly getting run over by a car. It came out of nowhere. I was just trying to get back to sleep – in fact, I may have been beginning to drift off, and BAM – there it was again. It comes in different forms at different times, and in different dreams (the other night I dreamt that our handbrake didn’t work and I only got our third child out of the car just in time before the car rolled off a clifftop).

But they always involve a near car incident. They always shock me by their suddenness. And I always feel my stomach lurch and churn.

Usually I struggle to get back to sleep again afterwards.

But the other night when it happened, the Holy Spirit immediately reminded me of what I’d read in the Lent devotion that day. It was based on this passage:

“Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.  Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Luke 12:22-26

I was immediately comforted by the knowledge that if God genuinely cares for and provides for the birds (who are much less valuable that my three year old son) then how much more would does he care for my little boy? Because he cares more for my son, I can worry less.

On the tail of this thought, came another; I immediately remembered that terrible accidents do happen to Christians, they are not immune to suffering. But then the sovereignty of God comforted me. I cannot add a single hour to my son’s life by worrying. I can’t do that very little thing. And therefore I don’t need to worry. Because worrying is powerless to rescue him.

And beyond that, if God loves my son, if he knows the exact number of days he has left, and if he has through his son Jesus, made eternal life possible; then I need not worry. Because even if the very worst were to happen – death and despair would not have the final say.

I’m so thankful for how clearly the Holy Spirit comforted me with God’s promises in the nighttime.

So what is it for you? What are your recurrent fears? What thoughts plague you in the night?

Why don’t you meditate on that passage and remember the comfort that Jesus offers you.

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:32

COVID-19: A day in the life of the Wright Family

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COVID-19: A day in the life of the Wright Family

This blog post is part of a series whereby we get a glimpse into the life of different Christian families during the COVID-19 lockdown. This time we’re excited to introduce you to the Wright family.

The Wright Family

  1. Describe your family and what your average day looks like now under lockdown.

Ed and I (Heather) have been married 9 years. Bertie is 8 and Ernie is 4 I’ve always believed strongly in home-schooling, and this year B has been pretty miserable at school, which he previously loved, so I’ve been glad to have him home for some de-schooling. He’s finding it hard to adapt to an indeterminately long break from his friends, and E can’t compute not going to his lovely nursery for his normal 2 days. We’re thankful B has some proper walkie talkies – we dropped one off at his best friend’s house and now they can call each other up and talk nonsense at each other whenever they like (within reason).

Ed works in science/tech and is expected to do as many hours as normal – with some flexibility. In contrast I work nominally “11 hours a week” for our church as administrator, and doing what I do from home is fine – but of course with children home it doesn’t really work, so I have to steal an hour while Ed has lunch with them, then do little urgent bits as they crop up, fending off boys, and catch up in the evenings. And juggle that without squeezing out stuff I need for me like Bible time. (I will freely confess that “quiet time” was never a thing I did before, but has become a firm habit since giving in to my friend’s suggestion of getting the YouVersion app and starting Bible In One Year – a genuine technological blessing that is changing my life!) My work on the church website and comms is particularly key right now, and I’m definitely doing extra hours, and getting too little sleep!

I’m glad I didn’t commit to the “screen-free Lent” I fantasised about – we’re now relying heavily on the internet, even if no more TV than usual! We are not really keeping any daily structure – it’s far too manic in this house! We’ve had some really nice and not onerous tasks set by school (including bird watching – which is a family passion anyway), but I’m very much of the view that it’s all optional and our focus should be on the mental health of everyone concerned. We live in an amazing village with wonderful woodland walks and we have an allotment as well as our tiny garden, so are spending a lot of time outdoors.

I’m excited to have the opportunity to get more Bible into the boys while they’re home, so I’m trying to highlight a letter of the alphabet a day for E to learn, and choose a Bible word and memory verse for each one, plus a song that fits (we love to learn through music). It’s giving me a focus even if we don’t always actually learn the verse so it can be recited. But they’re sponges and seem to find it easy. They’re also keen to learn the New City Catechism – our pastor recommended getting the app and doing it with our kids during Lent. I wish someone had got me to memorise this stuff as a kid!

2. What challenges have you encountered?

The kids have been “emotional” to put it mildly (oh the tantrums!) – this is so unsettling for them. They need tons of extra reassurance and unconditional love, which is sometimes easy to give, but sometimes really challenging – we’re tired and unsettled too. Thank God there’s grace for imperfect parents too!

Facebook wants to show me that half my friends are incredible parents with squeaky clean houses and home-schooling routines, while the other half are being negative about their kids and spouses. Neither is edifying! I’ve found myself wanting to post on Facebook the Bible stuff I’m trying to do with the boys, but have been struggling to decide whether it’s going to do more good in encouraging people and putting scripture out there, or do harm by adding to inferiority complexes already being built by all these “super-mums”. To be honest, I’m not sure I have time anyway!

And it’s not easy being the other side of the country from my Dad, knowing that all his normal activities, which have been a lifeline since Mum died 5 years ago, are cancelled. Thankfully he’s part of a home group that WhatsApps, a really solid church which is producing daily teaching online, and he has good neighbours. We talk on the phone or videocall, but it’s not the same.

3. What encouragements have you seen?

Our pastors are live-streaming on Facebook and using Zoom for those within the church family – Sunday mornings and meeting to pray at noon each weekday, which is lovely and is actually building recognition between my kids and some church faces they’ve probably paid no attention to before. It’s great to see all ages at church learning to use Zoom and connecting with each other. It’s also meant that people who can’t normally get to church are suddenly as connected as the rest of us, and small groups can include people who would normally miss out, e.g. both parents can now attend because they’re still in the house with their children. I think there’s a good argument for continued use of Zoom when life returns to normal!

The crisis has also forced me to step out and be filmed myself – first in order to continue to teach a dance routine to girls from B’s school, then to lead worship on piano at a live-streamed prayer event, then recording virtual story and singing slots for Tuesday mornings on our Toddlers Facebook group! I’ve been surprised to find I haven’t felt embarrassment, just a passion to  encourage others and glorify God. This is definitely a case of God equipping for a particular time/need, as I would not have believed you if you’d told me a month ago!

4. Why is the gospel good news for your family at this time?

Because it’s good news for everyone, all of the time!

But more specifically, if I didn’t have the gospel I would be drowning right now. I struggle with anxiety and depression, and last year it was really severe. I was having awful panic attacks with increasing regularity and felt darkness swamping me every night before bed and at random times during the day. I knew it to be both a spiritual battle (having a friend pray Jesus’ name powerfully with me over my bedroom made a massive difference) and a physical illness – though it’s always hard to admit the latter, instead feeling I should be able to snap out of it if I’m a Christian! I finally went onto antidepressants in October, which is something I’d been desperate to avoid this time, but they’ve made me functional again – my family really needed this! Through the dark time I was holding fast to the promises of God but the chemicals in my brain were having none of it. My pastor reminded me that if I had e.g. diabetes I wouldn’t have been wrestling with whether I should take insulin or not! Now that I am medicated I have my joy and hope back in a much more real way.

As a result, while many people who thought their lives were sorted are currently being swamped by anxiety about what Coronavirus means for their health, livelihood, social life, etc., I find myself genuinely calm and confident in the Lord. It is so true that he uses trials to train us and refine our faith, and works all things for our good! It is helpful to reflect that the Bible is packed full of people suffering, facing massive upheavals, surrounded by enemies, struggling to trust God, crying out “where are you?” and not always getting the response they’re looking for. And God being faithful. In some ways being in a crisis like this helps us to better understand some of the OT stories where people were living a much more powerless, hand to mouth existence, and had to rely on God’s providence. The Bible is also packed full of exhortations not to worry or fear. I know these so well as I’ve been clinging to them for years. So I find myself equipped to share my hope, and demonstrate that in knowing my own weakness and helplessness I can confidently lean on Jesus, my rock, my fortress, my saviour. In his faithfulness he will not let my foot slip. So few of my friends have the hope of eternity, and in times like these we who do will shine more brightly.

It is great to be able to comfort my children with my sure and certain hope, to remind them that Jesus can calm the storm, heal the sick, raise the dead and do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. To teach them that he’s the one that won’t let them down and can’t be taken away from them.

A huge thank you to the Wright family for taking part in this series!

Why don’t you take a few moments now to pray for the Wright family? Pray for Ed as he works from home and for Heather as she tries to juggle working remotely for church and homeschooling her children. Pray that God would continue to use her to build up their church family and reach out into the community with the good news of the Gospel.

COVID-19: A day in the life of a family in Turkey

Scott and Cathy COVID-19 A day in the life of... 0 Comment
COVID-19: A day in the life of a family in Turkey

This blog post is part of a series whereby we get a glimpse into the life of different Christian families during the COVID-19 lockdown. During this series we’ve heard from parents who are unexpectedly homeschooling their children, from parents who are keyworkers, and from parents who are working remotely from home (and providing childcare/ schooling). While these families may be facing different circumstances – each of them have the same source of hope through this global pandemic. The hope of the gospel.

Today we are really excited to hear about the experience of lockdown from a family who are living in central Turkey. For the family’s safety, their names and photograph have been omitted from this blog post.

A family living in Turkey

An image of Sultan Ahmed mosque showing all its minarets

1) Describe your family and what your average day looks like under lockdown.

We’re a British family living in a city in the middle of Turkey. We have 3 boys aged nearly 5, nearly 3 and 10 months. My husband works from home as a computer programmer and we also work with and serve the local Turkish church in the city. Under lockdown, in one way, the building blocks of our days remain the same – my husband is still working from home for a large part of the week and I’m still looking after the children and home educating our eldest son. But everything is also completely different as we obviously can’t meet up with people, we’re spending all of our days at home and our work with the church is either being done virtually or put on hold.

2) What challenges have you encountered?

As part of the lockdown measures, under 20 and over 65 year olds are banned from going outside of their homes here. We live in a flat, so not being able to take the children outside at all is pretty challenging! Thankfully our flat is fairly large and has a balcony, which makes it a little easier for them to get some fresh air and get their energy out. But honestly, living here can be hard and lonely at the best of times and not being able to see people or take the children outside makes things even harder.

A big challenge for us is uncertainty and fear about the future. Right now we’re meant to be applying for a visa for my husband that would allow us to stay long term here and also planning for a home assignment back in the UK this summer. Currently we can’t get the visa application done and all international flights to and from Turkey have been stopped. Until now, we’ve been quite privileged in our life here in that we’ve always known that if a family member in the UK was seriously ill, we could get on the next plane and come straight back, or that if one of us was seriously ill, not only would it be relatively straightforward for someone in the UK to come and help us, but there was always the possibility of medical evacuation if required. Now those options are not available to us. We were really looking forward to being back in the UK this summer and seeing friends and family, so if we have to postpone or cancel our home assignment, that will be a big disappointment.

3) What encouragements have you seen?

 A few of the Turkish believers in our church have told us that in recent days some of their non-Christian friends and family have wanted to start reading the Bible or have been asking them about the hope in Jesus that they have. Jesus is going to build his church here and he’ll use even COVID-19 for his glory, and that is a huge encouragement!

Also, like other parents, we’ve had hard conversations with our children recently – why everyone’s talking about a virus, why they can’t see friends, go to church or go outside. But difficult circumstances give us an opportunity to point our kids to Jesus. We’ve been listening to the song ‘Jesus Strong and Kind’ as a family a lot recently and consequently have heard our children repeating to each other and singing (enthusiastically but not always very tunefully!) that “the Lord is good and faithful, he will keep us day and night, we can always run to Jesus, Jesus strong and kind”. It’s encouraging to remember that God will use these times to plant truth deep into little hearts and minds.

4) Why is the gospel good news for your family at this time?

The Gospel is good news for our family at this time because it reminds us that despite all of the fear and uncertainty, the fundamental things have not changed. The worst day in history has already happened when the Son of God died, he’s now alive in heaven interceding for us, and we are alive in him. I don’t know what will happen in the coming days and weeks – but that’s been true all along, Coronavirus has just exposed the illusion that I had some control over events. I do know that in Christ we are eternally secure and loved and safe and that God is trustworthy and faithful in every situation.

And it’s also good news because it’s the liberating truth that by myself, I am weak, sinful and insufficient but because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, I am alive in Christ, approved of and loved by God and have the Holy Spirit living in me. So when I’m tempted to think that with enough Pinterest-inspired activities and crafts and enough determination, I can do a great job of occupying and educating my children, supporting my husband, keeping up with video calls, keeping a clean and tidy home etc., I can remember that I’m not strong enough or good enough to do all of this. And when I fail and my plans are in pieces and I get impatient with the children and it’s not even 10am, I can ask my children for forgiveness and know that the Holy Spirit will give me the grace and patience I need for the day.

A huge thank you to this family for taking part in this series!

Why don’t you take a few moments now to pray for this family that are serving Jesus and living in Turkey? Pray that they would know the closeness of Jesus at this time when family, friends and their Turkish church community are at a distance. Pray that God would make a way for them to have their visa application approved when the office reopens; that God may enable them to come back to the UK for home assignment during the summer; and that God would use this time to bring their children to faith in him. Pray that Christ would build his church in Turkey and for the local believers to share Christ boldly and virtually over the coming months.

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