At 9pm last night we got a text message that dashed our half term plans.
There has been a positive case of coronavirus in our son’s reception class. This means that our 4 year old cannot leave the house for 2 whole weeks.
Heaven help us all!
This comes at a tricky and frustrating time for us (these are tricky and frustrating days for every single one of us, and every family, as we learn to deal with life with restrictions, uncertainty and much less support from friends, family and churches).
That being said, our individual frustrations as a family are real and take an emotional toll. Just like yours are real too.
We should have been on holiday this coming week but it was cancelled. We have spent several days self-isolating already as we awaited our (negative) coronavirus results. And we’re in the middle of a frustratingly slow house move, now made slower because the surveyor can’t come next week. All of these struggles are a knock-on effect of the coronavirus pandemic.
We’re not sure what it is for your family. Perhaps it’s not being able to access the SEN support that your child needs because of covid-19 restrictions; maybe it’s not being able to see a loved one who is shielding because they have an underlying health condition or live in a care home; maybe it’s going into a higher tier of restrictions or a national lockdown and it’s causing you anxiety and stress. There’s a myriad of different ways that we can be affected directly and indirectly by Covid-19.
Here’s the thing.
There’s much that we can’t control right now.
There are many, many stressful and difficult things.
But if you are a parent, you have the agency to be intentional in your parenting right in the midst of these days. And that is really encouraging and empowering. You can decide how you are going to respond to these hard circumstances.
Now of course this intentionality is a partnership between us as parents and the God who created and loves our children, and is committed to our good. This isn’t self-help. This is responding to adversity with faith.
This is saying: We may not be policy makers or a medical workers, but we can be kind to our children, we can create a haven of safety and love.
We may not be able to get our children to engage with kids church online, but we can read the Bible to them and whisper the gospel to them and pray for them.
We may not be really crafty or great at baking or imaginative play, but we do love to read to them and daddy can put on the funny voices.
We guess the point here is that it’s easy right now to focus on all we can’t do.
But let’s reframe it.
What can we do?
What can we do for our children?
How can we make these days count?
So here’s three ways that I, Cathy, am going to try to embrace our 2 weeks of self-isolation (Scott is still allowed to leave the house for work, thankfully!) and I hope they encourage you in your own circumstances and parenting. I won’t do it perfectly, and neither will you. But by God’s grace he can and will make these hard days into something beautiful and beneficial for his glory.
Gift
Rather than thinking that the next fortnight is something to be got through, and for the days to be longingly counted down, let’s reframe it and think of these days as a gift. An opportunity to invest in our children. To play with them. To listen to their fears, doubts and hopes. To observe them. We can learn an enormous amount to aid us in our parenting when we slow down to observe our children – to watch and take note of how they respond to certain circumstances, to figure out what makes them tick. What an opportunity for discipleship! Even in the hard moments of conflict, God can still use that to remind us why we need to gospel and as a gospel opportunity in itself. Two weeks stuck together with our kids? What a gift.
Gratitude
It’s so easy to grumble and to focus on the negative. But that robs us of so much joy and it’s not how God wants us to live. It says in 1 Thessalonians,
“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
What a glorious vision for life. This isn’t about not lamenting the brokenness of the world, or a false, superficial happiness. But it is about making a choice to focus on God’s kind provision for us, rather than being full of ingratitude.
I’ve been convicted recently about my online spending, especially for kids craft things and second hand toys. I’ve been thinking “there’s so little to do, we really need this stuff to make life easier and to help the kids develop healthily”. Not that there’s anything wrong with online shopping per se, but for me, it became unhelpful. I was purchasing to try and create more ease for me (a facade!) and to determine good outcomes for out children (which is a marketing lie).
So I’m trying really hard to not buy any more stuff. Instead I want to grow in gratitude. I want to be really grateful for the craft supplies we do have, the books that we do have (even if we’ve read them a zillion times over lockdown!), the toys, cookery books and dress-up clothes. Truly we have an abundance. And the children do not need more. I do not need more. We are so blessed and we are grateful.
And as for the outcomes? Their future success, their intellect, their emotional intelligence, I’ll leave all that up to God. No amount of orchard toys will determine that.
Grace
Praise God for his grace! When you get a bunch of sinners rubbing up against each other for days on end there’s going to be conflict. But where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.
God isn’t surprised about the sinful, ugly moments and interactions in our homes. He longs to use those to show us how much Jesus loves us. To enter into those moments and remind us that went to the cross to forgive us from those things, and to increasingly free us from how they entangle our lives.
He also, in his grace, gives us good gifts to enjoy like cake, disney plus and endless cups of tea.
We are all under a lot of emotional pressure at the moment, including our children. Let’s be gracious to each other. Quick to forgive, understanding and patient, and when the days get hard, let’s remember to reconnect over something enjoyable, relaxing and cosy for everyone.
Here’s some ideas:
Popcorn, blankets and listening together to the chronicles of Narnia
Disney film, pizzas and twinkling fairy lights
Mummy and the baby have a nap, while daddy and the preschooler do a jigsaw puzzle
A Chinese takeaway and a board game
Hot chocolate in the garden while looking at the stars
Or, if you’re feeling really sacrificial (or your kids are good sleepers) how about a family sleepover in the living room?
I hope you find this encouraging. God has ordained that you are your children’s parents at this time. He has plans to grow your relationships together and he wants to partner with you to point your children to his wonderful son Jesus. The coronavirus pandemic won’t last forever, but while it does, let’s face this adversity as a gift, with gratitude and with grace.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28