It’s not long after the tummy starts protruding that people ask, “So, do you know what you’re having?” Meaning (of course) have you found out the sex of your baby?
As the parents of two very energetic little boys (aged 4 and 2) people often followed up this question with, “Are you trying for a girl now?” “I bet you’d love a little girl.” “Oh I hope it’s a girl!”
Part of me wasn’t sure if these comments came because those mums felt sorry for me as they observed the boys zoom around the room, making loud noises and jumping off the play equipment. Perhaps they felt it’s my time to have a dainty little girl who’ll sit by my side.
When it came to it, we had a hard time deciding whether or not to find out the sex at the 20 week scan.
It’s an amazingly exciting thing to find out that you are having a healthy baby at the anomaly scan – but despite that it seems to pale into insignificance with the follow-up question of what gender the baby is.
We worried that people (friends, family and strangers) would express some disappointment, or at least express less excitement if we were to announce that we were having another baby boy. But that the response would be entirely different if we were having a girl. We wanted to guard ourselves and our little unborn baby from this, but at the same time we were curious to know…
All of this has caused us to reflect on this question: how should we think about a baby’s sex in light of the gospel?
God created male and female and he made them good
‘Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over tall the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them[…] God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.’ Genesis 26-27, 31
This is wonderful news! Male and female alike are made in the image of God. Women and men are made in the likeness of God. Boys and girls are very good – the pinnacle of God’s creation. Humanity, male and female together uniquely reflect God’s likeness. So we can be greatly encouraged and reassured to know that all human babies are supremely precious and valuable in God’s sight. He may be your eighth baby boy, she may be your fourth baby girl – but regardless of this, and regardless of your preference, they are just as much image bearers of God and exceedingly cherished by God.
God is the sovereign family planner
Truthfully, our children have been a real surprise to me! They are very different to the hypothetical children who I imagined in my head. They’re more loud, sleep less, are way more spirited than I expected and well, in so many ways they are not like me, and that’s been very challenging at times. But they are so much more funny, expressive, courageous and ingenious. Actually, I see a huge amount of Scott in them – especially in our eldest, and that’s super fun.
And… well they’re boys. I think I always imagined I’d have a little girl who would enjoy colouring in, coffee dates and going shopping.
But I’ve often pondered the amazing truth that God is the sovereign family planner. He’s the giver of life and he’s sovereign over the number of children, spacing of children, personality of children and their sex too. He’s sovereign and he is all wise, all loving and he doesn’t make mistakes. How encouraging that he creates our family units – differences, similarities, quirks and all.
“For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers of authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.” Col 1:16
“Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.” Psalm 147:5
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Don’t look to your children to provide what only God can provide
Children are an amazing blessing from the Lord. They bring so much joy, laughter and purpose to our lives. From their chubby thighs, cute high-pitched voices, hilarious observations about the world, capacity to love and trust and forgive and their potential for greatness – children are a blessing. Boys and girls are a great blessing.
But children are also sinful. So parenting is hard. Disappointments and frustrations abound. We can’t live up to their expectations, and they can’t live up to ours – no matter how good and godly our earthly families are.
So we mustn’t make our families our ultimate source of happiness and fulfilment – because they were never designed to meet those needs. Only God can.
Little boys disappoint us, little girls disappoint us – they can’t carry the weight of our dreams, expectations and hopes – and nor should they! They are not miniature extensions of ourselves. They are their own unique people. Infinitely valuable.
They are not little gods, to be worshipped, to be idolised and to be our source of life. Only God is worthy of our adoration. And when he is the central focus of worship in our family life, our families will function in a much more satisfying and healthy way. With Christ central – everything else will orbit as it should do.
“For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry he fills with good things” Psalm 22:26
“In your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures evermore.” Psalm 16:11
Drum roll please… and the sex is…
So, we did find out the sex of our baby at the 20 week scan, and we’re having a girl!
Truthfully, we did pray for a girl, desired a daughter and are super thrilled at the prospect. But in our joy at finding out this news, we want to make sure that we parent our daughter (and our sons) in such a way that we let them be the unique individuals that God created them to be, and to grow into the men and women that God would have them be.
Because in the end, whether our daughter is a girly girl who loves dolls and pamper days, or whether she loves climbing trees and making mudpies (or all of the above), the most important thing is that she’s made in the image of God, part of God’s plan for our family, and not our ultimate source of joy.
Thank you Jesus for your kindness to us!
This post was inspired by a question that a mum in the gospel-centred parenting facebook group asked. She asked for a blog post on this topic. As a mum of three little boys, she is often the recipient of insensitive comments about her children’s gender. She also sometimes feels a disappointment deep down of her own dreams for a daughter not being fulfilled. Christian friends, let’s be careful to honour all little boys and girls (and parents) as we interact with others in our churches and communities. All little people are so precious to him.
If you’d like to be part of a supportive community where you can ask questions and bounce ideas off one another, why not join our Gospel-Centred Parenting facebook group? Just click here.