So, this week will be a decisive one for us. It feels like we’re on the brink of making an enormous life-altering decision for our children. A decision which will affect their social world, academic growth and childhood memories. And a decision which will impact our finances and lifestyle. It’s the education decision.

We have a week before we need to inform our Local Authority about which school our eldest will go to.

And it’s a really hard choice to make.

School number one is around the corner, it’s “outstanding” (according to OFSTED), it’s a lovely school where Cathy herself went and has many happy memories of. Our son currently attends the nursery there and seems happy. And now he’s been allocated a place there.

School number two was not on the cards until this week. It’s a local primary school (a drive away) with a forest school attached (and all the pupils have a weekly timetabled slot there each week). And it’s also a school which would allow us to flexi-school our son. Flexi-schooling is when the parent and head-teacher come to an agreement that the child can attend school part time, and be home educated part time.

Yeah, we said it was a hard decision to make!

Two very different paths for our children. One involving some home education, the other possibly meaning that Reuben would be in full time school for the duration of his primary years.

Truthfully, it’s been a troubling few days for us. How do we make a decision like this, when we don’t know the outcome for our child?

And on the other hand – what a blessed position to be in! Two great options available to us.

So what’s the Gospel got to do with all this?

The Gospel is a sweet balm to our anxious hearts at times like this.

• We are saved by grace alone. Our children will be saved through grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone. If they come to faith in Christ – it will be because of God’s saving grace, his unmerited favour, his divine providence. This gives us liberty to know that as parents we can’t bring about new life in our children, and so whichever school we pick for our son – it will not affect his salvation. God decided that before time.

  “For it is by grace you have been saved – through faith – and this is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8

   

• God is loving and in control of all things. He is our heavenly Father, he is for us, he can be trusted with our children, and we know that he works for our good. What a comfort!

  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.

• There’s Christian freedom in Christ. As Christians we are free to make differing choices for our families and still be united to each other in the Gospel. In fact, the gospel unites people from every tongue, culture, gender, race and education type(!) into one family. We are to model unity in our diversity as Christians and to extend grace and honour to others who disagree with us. Why? Because it is Christ who justifies us. Not our particular choices.

  “Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them.  Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” Romans 14:1-4

So yet again, the gospel is good news! Good news for us as parents who cannot see the future – but know a God who can and who will provide for our every need. Good news for our children as we entrust them into our heavenly Father’s care. And good news for our churches – unity in our diversity makes the Gospel attractive, as we demonstrate that as believers our identity is found in Christ, and not our different choices.

We were helped by listening to this series of podcasts on  https://www.risenmotherhood.com/education/about the Gospel and Education. They are well worth a listen to, even if your children are already in your chosen method of education.

History does not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.”

We love this quote, which is often attributed to Mark Twain.

We think it’s a very helpful thing to remember when it comes to parenting.

No Two Children Are The Same

As parents, we often hear people talking about the fact that no two children are the same. We take reassurance from that – we can’t expect our child to behave in a certain way or do a certain thing, because history does not repeat itself. All children are different.

We see that really clearly with our two boys. They’re so different to each other!

One of our boys is full of energy, always wanting attention and very loud and extroverted. He loves being with people and is the first to make people welcome in our home as he grabs their hand and gets them involved in whatever he is doing.

Our other son is quite different. He’s much more shy. He’d happily sit quietly and watch what’s going on. He’s slow to open up to people, but very affectionate when his confidence is won.

History does not repeat itself when it comes to children, so comparison is often discouraging. Often when we expect a child to act a certain way because another child has acted that way, we’re disappointed.

Parenting Rhymes

History does not repeat itself when it comes to children… but it does rhyme.

The downside of this normally helpful wisdom of “no two children are the same” is that it can leave us feeling at a loss. My child is unique… yikes! Where do I start?

Well, while it’s true to say there are no out of the box solutions for the parenting of any one child, that’s not to say that help isn’t out there, because history rhymes. There are lots of things about parenting different children that are very similar. There are lessons to be learnt from history… or to put it another way, we can draw on the experience of others.

Others have been through similar things to you, whatever it is you’re facing. They might not be able to tell you exactly what to do in your situation, but there’ll certainly be depths of wisdom that can be plumbed in order to help you.

And this is certainly true when it comes to seeking to keep the gospel at the heart of your parenting. Part of God’s grace to us as parents is that he has put us in communities of other Christians (aka church) where we can speak to others who have been there before us (or are there right now), and learn from one another. If you do this, whilst at the same time remembering your child is unique, then you may well find this parenting thing feeling slightly easier.

History does not repeat itself, but it does rhyme. So make the most of that. Learn from others.

As well as church, there are a whole wealth of other resources that help you to lean on the wisdom and experience of others when it comes to Christian parenting. Here are a couple of things that might help you:

• We’ve recently started a gospel-centred parenting facebook group. We’re LOVING it. Already it’s proving to be a warm, grace-filled community filled with wisdom and support. Why not check it out?
• Our resource page will point you to a number of resources that will help you to learn from others. We don’t have to personally communicate with people to glean wisdom from there. Podcasts, books and other resources enable us to learn from the experience of a much more varied group of people, from across the world and even across time.

Your child is unique. One of a kind. History will not be repeated. That should be celebrated, but it shouldn’t exclude you. There’s still so much to learn from others. So listen to the rhyme of history too, and learn from others. God’s given us this privilege – make the most of it!

Parenting is hard.

Your son comes home from school crying because he feels rejected by his friends.

Your daughter feels self-conscious about her appearance.

Your 5-year old has an issue with lying.

Your teenager is anxious about her upcoming exams.

Your child seems to have no interest in faith.

What do you do?

Parenting is a very practical endeavour isn’t it? Countless times every day, we serve our children in practical ways. We wake them up. we feed them food, we do their laundry, we teach them personal hygiene, we take them to school, the list goes on.

So what do we do when faced with an emotional and spiritual issue like the ones above?

Our natural instinct is often to think of practical solutions to the problems. Talking to the school teacher, rewarding good behaviour, giving a pep talk. And none of those things are necessarily bad. Not at all.

But our first response (not our last resort) should be to pray. To pray for our children, and to pray with our children.

And not just to model dependence on God to our children. But because as we pray, we are addressing the mighty creator of the universe, and appealing to our heavenly Father to act on their behalf. In other words, we are asking the God who is powerful, and who loves us to intervene. What a brilliant privilege.

Prayer is essential in our parenting. It is true that we can sometimes change an outcome or a behaviour through practical actions… for example, if we bribe our three year old with chocolate, he will probably be a “good boy” while we’re running our errands. And yet while bribery, threat and praise might change his behaviour, they cannot change his little heart. Only the Holy Spirit can bring about heart change.

Stop and ponder this for a moment, and you’ll see this is actually hugely liberating – none of our efforts can bring Christian faith in our children. But as well as liberating, it’s also sobering – we need God to be merciful and bring about newness of life.